A Twisted Tale

Summary:Written for the 2007 Secret Ficlet. My first sentence was from Monstermoof4me : “How exactly did you say Commander Chakotay ended up in this embarrassing predicament?” A red-faced Captain Janeway asked, her voice aghast, as the local vigilante escorted her into the planetary stockade and revealed the shocking sight before her.

Rated: PG13

Disclaimer: CBS/Paramount owns everything. No infringement intended.

“How exactly did you say Commander Chakotay ended up in this

embarrassing predicament?” A red-faced Captain Janeway asked, her voice

aghast, as the local vigilante escorted her into the planetary stockade

and revealed the shocking sight before her.

“He dared to lay his worthless hand on the Princess Arinyes which is strictly forbidden.”

Kathryn looked up towards the balcony where the busty blond princess was standing and thought to herself… ‘They have no idea how forbidden.’

With an angry shrug, she shook off the vigilante’s grip, and scowling, marched towards her hapless first officer. As she got within a few feet of him, another pair of guards stepped forward and, with crossed spears barred her from getting any closer.

She was close enough. Her lips thinned and she shook her head slowly, muttering under her breath. “Lucky for you, they’re here.”

Chakotay cringed and tried a conciliatory smile, but it looked more like a grimace. It was difficult to express bravado when one was shackled buck naked, ass in the air, in front of a laughing crowd of local aliens. He could have endured the embarrassment of being on display to the majority of the planet’s population as long as Kathryn hadn’t been a witness. But it was too late now. His humiliation was complete. Nothing they did to him now could be any worse than what Kathryn had in store for him.

Kathryn took a deep breath and seemed to calm. Her face settled into a look of comradely concern. “Are you all right, Commander?”

Chakotay nodded as best he could with his head clamped in the wooden contraption. “Fine. A little chilly, perhaps.” He watched her intently… Did her lips just twitch? He frowned. Surely she didn’t find this amusing?

She turned away quickly and tossed over her shoulder. “I’ll see what I can do to extricate you from this situation, Commander.” And marched off into the distance. The way she’d said ‘extricate’ didn’t fill him with confidence. He might be better off staying here.

The two guards moved back to their place on either side of the stockade and with a sigh, Chakotay relaxed as best he could against the wooden frame and awaited rescue.

It was some time in coming.


The sickbay doors opened and without breaking stride, Kathryn marched in and moved straight to his bedside. “You’re back, I see.”

Chakotay turned his head slowly and nodded. Yes, she certainly would be able to see and she was getting an eyeful. He was lying face down with his butt exposed while the Doctor healed his third degree sunburn.

Kathryn winced as she looked at his lobster red behind. “That sun had a surprising amount of sting in it for such a dull day.”

“Hmmmph.” He wasn’t in the mood for chatting. Eight hours in the stocks was enough to put the damper on even the most reasonable person’s mood.

“I’m sorry, Commander, but it took some tricky negotiating to get you out of that mess. Oh, and by the way, you owe Neelix a vat of leola root, Ensign Hickman two bottles of twelve year old, single malt scotch and Megan Delaney a game of Twister. They were their prized possessions and I promised that you’d repay them as soon it was humanly possible. None of them are likely to forget, I might add.” Kathryn leaned in close and whispered in his ear. “And neither am I. Princess Arinyes… indeed.

And with that she turned and was gone.

Chakotay watched her leave and with a groan, thunked his head onto the biobed. He wondered if he should ask the Doc for some prophylactic pain killers; trying to explain this to Kathryn was going to be excruciating.

The Doctor very helpfully slapped his left buttock. “All done, Commander. You may get dressed now, you’re free to go.”

Grinding his teeth, Chakotay slid off the biobed. Wrapped in a sheet, he snatched up his clothes and, after one last glare at the Doctor, moved into the bathroom to dress.


Chakotay was pacing up and down the corridor on deck three outside their quarters. He’d already been to see Neelix and worked out a monthly payment scheme for the leola root. He shuddered. There was something so wrong about having to pay to be poisoned by that vile weed. Ensign Hickman and Delaney had remained stone faced as he’d handed over the replacements for their contributions to his ransom, but he’d heard gales of raucous laughter after leaving each of their quarters. His reputation was in tatters.

With the last of his rations, he’d replicated Kathryn a bunch of roses and a bottle of wine. It was a paltry offering but he hoped it would be enough to soften the blow. He was girding his loins before entering the door code. With a deep breath he raised his hand….

“Well, hello.”

He swung around. Kathryn was walking up the corridor towards him.

“Kath…” His voice squeaked and he cleared his throat. “Kathryn. I thought you were home.”

She spread her arms and shrugged. “No, but I am now.” Glancing at the flowers and bottle of wine, she reached past him and keyed in the door code. Then with a jerk of her head, she indicated that he should follow her inside. “Computer, lights fifty percent. Are those for me?”

“Yes, they are. Neelix refused to accept them.” He grinned sheepishly as he handed them to her, hoping his joke would keep the mood light.

“Ah, so you’ve seen him already?”

“Yes, I’m now on a reducing interest, graduated payment plan for the leola root…and he made me sign something. I can’t believe I’m paying for that noxious stuff, I spend most of my time avoiding it.”

“And the others?”

“All done. Hickman is now liquored up and can get hammered whenever urge takes him and Megan has her game of Twister back. She seemed very pleased… so did the gang who were in her quarters.”

Kathryn couldn’t help smiling and his brow knitted in consternation. “You know something, don’t you?”

Kathryn gave him a ‘who me?’ look.

Chakotay muttered to himself. “Megan Delaney and Twister… I don’t think I even want to imagine.”

Kathryn smiled and turned towards the replicator. “Tea or coffee? Or maybe we should open this.” She lifted the wine then passed it back to him. “Here, you open it while I get a vase for these.”

She seemed relatively cheerful and amazingly ‘non-angry’, so he began to relax. By the time she came back into the room with the flowers arranged in a vase, he’d opened and poured the wine.

Kathryn placed the flowers on the table and stood back admiring them for a moment until Chakotay handed her the wine and took her other hand. “Kathryn, I’m sorry about what happened on the planet. I’d like to explain? It wasn’t how it looked. Really.”

Kathryn’s smiled faded and she took a step back, slipping her hand from his grasp. With her wine in one hand and her other arm across her chest, she waited for his explanation.

“The overlords of that particular village were little more than pirates and vigilantes, as you know, and they were brutal and uncompromising with their punishment…”

“As you now know…” Kathryn, piped in, raising a brow.

“Hmmm, yes, well…Anyway, after we’d finished the negotiations for the food stuffs, Belrak, their leader, introduced me to his daughter…

“The beautiful and voluptuous Princes Arinyes no less…”

He frowned. “Hey, who’s telling this story?”

“Sorry, go ahead.”

“Thank you.” He frowned. “Where was I?”

“The beautiful and voluminous Princes Arinyes…”

He gave her a sour look. “Yes, well, Belrak introduced me and left me alone with her.” He took a step towards Kathryn. “The woman was a man-eater, Kathryn. I honestly was in fear for my virtue. She was all over me, but every time her father looked our way, she backed off.” He shuddered. “I tried to be diplomatic and polite, but she was determined… she just wouldn’t take no for an answer. In the end I had to prise her hands off me and that’s when ‘King’ Belrak saw me.”

Kathryn still didn’t look convinced.

Chakotay heaved a sigh. “Look, I know this sounds ridiculous, but I wasn’t the least bit interested in her. Hell, if I wanted to lust after a big busty blond, I’ve always got Seven on Nine right here on the ship.” Kathryn’s eyebrows shot almost to her hair line and he realised that probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say.

“I mean… if I’d wanted… no, I mean… the temptation has always… oh crap. Can you just forget that last part?”

Kathryn shook her head slowly and placed her glass on the table. “Come with me, Commander.”

“Can I ask where we’re going?”

“You can ask…”

She marched out the doors into the corridor without a backward glance and Chakotay’s shoulders slumped as he followed.

Kathryn held the lift for him and he slipped past her and stood as far from her as he could in the small space. This wasn’t going at all well.

“Deck eight.”

“Kathryn… I apologise. This whole thing has been a huge misunderstanding.”

Without even looking at him, Kathryn held up her hand for silence. He wondered if he should be in fear for his life. Was she going to decompress the cargo bay or toss him out an air lock somewhere? No one would question her. He wondered vaguely if anyone would be sad at his loss. B’Elanna would be and maybe some of his pool partners but…The lift stopped. They were here.

The doors opened and Kathryn marched up to the entrance of Cargo Bay one. The doors opened on her approach and she strode through them into the cavernous room. Chakotay followed and then stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what was sitting in the middle of the bay.

The stocks! His stocks! He’d know them anywhere. They’d become intimately acquainted during the eight hours he’d been trapped in them.

Before he could say a word, Kathryn spun around and pointed at him. “This is what your hard earned replicator rations have bought. Let it be a reminder of what happens when you stray from the path and lust after big-bosomed blonds. Have you learnt your lesson, Commander?”

“Kathryn, I didn’t lust after her. She was after me… and I can’t believe you bought this. What are the crew going to think?”

“Whatever I tell them to think.”

He looked at her, astonished at her callousness and then saw her mouth twist into a smile. After a few heartbeats, she burst out laughing and fell into his arms.

“Oh, Chakotay, you should see your face.”

He thought about being angry, but was too relieved to be bothered. Instead he gave her a jaundiced look and deadpanned. “Well, at least it’s a change from seeing my butt.” Then he looked back at the stocks. “I still don’t understand.”

Kathryn cupped his cheek and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Well, you and the stocks came as a job lot. They wouldn’t part with you unless you were still shackled, so I haggled with them and eventually we came to an understanding. I think our overly endowed ‘Princess’ had her sights set on you right from the start. They intended for you to be part of the trade deal and were going to make it as difficult as possible for me to get you back. All I can say is that it’s lucky that leola loot is considered a delicacy on the planet

“And that I have the most tenacious wife in the quadrant.”

“Not to mention limber and one who can hold her liquor.”


“I used Hickman’s whiskey to drink that pig Belrak into a stupor and then we played Twister… I won. We’d made a wager, you see, and they had to let you go.”

“My life hung in the balance over a drunken game of Twister?” He couldn’t believe it and looked at her carefully. “I hope you didn’t play it like the Delaney twins do?”

Kathryn shook her head and laughed. “No, my love. You were the only naked one in this transaction.” Her face became serious. “Are you all right? I was worried about you. They had plans to execute you, you know.”

“I heard.” He shuddered. “And truly, Kathryn, I did nothing to encourage the Princess.”

She slipped her arm through his and nodded towards the stocks. “I know, but just remember that they’re here, if you ever get the urge…”

Before she could finish speaking Chakotay grabbed her around the waist and swung her back against the bulkhead, kissing her soundly. He pulled his lips away from hers and breathed, “Never.” before his lips landed on hers again.

They didn’t hear the doors swish open and only pulled apart when they heard Tom talking. “…in one of those cargo containers, I know I’ve seen it. Samantha would know… Oh! Captain, Chakotay.” Tom jagged to a halt and grinned.

B’Elanna put her hands on her hips, her very pregnant belly pointed in their direction. “Oh, for Kahless sake, you two, get a room.” At almost the same moment, Tom and B’Elanna noticed the stocks sitting right in the centre of the room.

They looked at one another and shook their heads. “We don’t want to know. We’ll leave you to it and if you see Naomi’s cradle in your travels, let us know. Bye.”

Before either Kathryn or Chakotay could utter a word, they were gone.

They looked at one another for a long moment, and then they both shrugged. Chakotay leaned in close. “Now, where were we?”

Kathryn draped her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his. Before they touched she whispered. “Just about here.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

5 + = ten