Summary:A post-Endgame fixer upper. I hope this fit the bill. A little confusion leads, at last, to a little honesty.
Rated PG13
The request: “I would love to receive a J/C fic! I don’t mind if there’s C/7 in it as long as it ends J/C, and I really like stories that start with them not being together, but obviously at the end they’re together. Preferably post-Endgame, but not too much into the ‘future’ past Endgame. As it’s a Secret Santa, I suppose a Christmassy/Wintery fic would be lovely! Or it can be Prixin/New Year/coinciding anniversary etc. Oh, and if they want to make it into a babyfic I like the idea that they’d call their child (if a girl) Taya. Babyfic is not necessary, however.”
Disclaimer: CBS/Paramount owns everything. No infringement intended.
Kathryn stared at the two cargo containers and duffle bag sitting in the centre of her desolate quarters. It wasn’t a lot to show for seven years. She shook her head and breathed a laugh. Seven years. Seventy thousand light years. It was unbelievable. A landmark accomplishment, an extraordinary achievement.
What a pity she didn’t feel accomplished or extraordinary. In fact she was feeling rather flat and not a little lost. What was she going to do now and what did life have in store for her from this point onwards? She’d spent every moment of the last seven years focused solely on this goal and now that she’d achieved it, the rest of her life loomed ahead of her, an empty void.
She chastised herself for being so melodramatic. ‘God, woman, get a grip. You’re going to be lauded, feted and Starfleet’s golden girl. Your feet aren’t going to touch the ground for months and just think how happy everyone is to be back. You kept your promise. You got them home. Achieved what everyone thought was impossible. You should be happy.’ She frowned.
The accolades meant nothing to her. They could put her name up in lights for all she cared. Celebrity wasn’t the reason she’d risked and sacrificed so much over the years. The driving force had been guilt. Not a particularly positive incentive, but it had done its job.
Hope had also lit the way, but with the death of Admiral Janeway she felt as though that part of her had died along with her older self.
She sat with a thud on her couch and looked around the cold and soulless room. It was then that the realisation hit her. Smack! Right in the middle of the chest. Hope hadn’t died with the Admiral. The old witch had killed it. By giving Kathryn a glimpse into her life, the older woman had killed the very thing that had given her the impetus to survive and push onwards during this epic journey. With a handful of well chosen words, all of Kathryn’s dreams had been smashed to dust in the corridor outside the Astrometrics Lab. Chakotay and Seven. A couple. A married couple. It just didn’t bear thinking of. She tried to stop the shudder that travelled through her each time she thought of it. Sagging back into the couch, her head dropped back and she contemplated the ceiling. Her mind took off on a tangent and it occurred to her that she’d never looked at her living room ceiling before. She’d spent many a night staring at her bedroom ceiling but in all the seven years, she’d never looked at this one. She was glad that she’d taken the time to do so before she left.
“Shit!”
The curse exploded from her. Ceiling revelations aside, just at the moment the long and perilous voyage seemed so pointless. She’d lost the one thing that she’d counted on having at the end of this odyssey. It now seemed so stupid. She’d held Chakotay up as some sort of carrot on a stick, not allowing herself to contemplate anything more than friendship until after they’d arrived home. What in God’s name had she been thinking? That he’d wait like some docile pet? Well, more fool her. But there was a bitter edge to her self reproach.
She was an old hand at disappointment and knew that things rarely worked out the way they should, but she figured she was due some measure of recompense for all she’d endured.
But that was life. Well, her life anyway and just at the moment it sucked. Big time.
Rolling her head to the side she looked across the room to the wall she shared with her First Officer and wondered what was going through his mind at this moment. Was Seven there with him? Oh God, now there was a hideous thought. She squeezed her eyes shut to try and blot it out, but as she did so an even worse thought wormed its way into her musings. Had Seven been there night after night while Kathryn was completely unaware? In the evenings when she thought of him and whispered a quiet goodnight to the wall, had she been wishing them both goodnight? Damn, she didn’t want to think about that. The sense of betrayal was bitter and harsh.
She groaned. There was that melodrama again. Opening her eyes she shook herself and heaved a deep sigh. Well, there was nothing she could do about it now. Their futures were written. She scanned the ceiling one last time and decided that it was an extraordinarily dull ceiling and she was glad she hadn’t wasted her time looking at it before now. Picking up a stray padd she tossed it onto the top of her duffle and stood up. It was time to do one last scout around her quarters to make sure she hadn’t left anything behind, and then she was due in the cargo bay for the farewell party.
Shuffling from the living room to the bedroom she marvelled at how different her quarters looked without all her personal effects in place. Over the last seven years she’d lived out much of her life here in this room, but what sort of existence had it been?
Lonely was the first word that came to mind. But that had been her choice. She had no one else to blame but herself. Closing her eyes she tried to centre herself. Tomorrow she would be home in the bosom of her family and life would go on. She’d faced many crossroads in her life. This was just another, and she would get through it. If nothing else she was a survivor. Taking a deep breath, she took one last look around her bedroom and then moved out into the living area. Time for the celebration. She was almost to the door when her chime rang.
“Come.”
Seven of Nine strode through the opening and stopped just inside the doors. “Captain.”
Well, here she was, as large as life. The assimilator of hopes and dreams. “Seven. What can I do for you?”
“I have come to say my farewells. I am leaving early tomorrow morning to visit my Aunt and I wished to say goodbye.”
“Your Aunt? So you did get in contact with her. That’s wonderful Seven.” She was genuinely pleased for the young woman, but now came the hard part. Kathryn gritted her teeth. It was best to tackle things head on. She asked with a nonchalant toss of her head. “I take it Chakotay’s going with you?”
Seven frowned slightly. “No. He is not.”
It was Kathryn’s turn to frown. “I know that you and he have been seeing one another. I assumed…”
Seven was her cool imperturbable self. “The Commander and I had several ‘dates’ but I have ended our affiliation.”
“Oh. That was rather sudden, wasn’t it?” Kathryn was shocked. In her mind she already had them married, and living happily ever after. She wondered what would happen to the temporal plane with this abrupt change. Mind you, she and the Admiral had caused such a ruckus in the space time continuum with this latest fiasco, that the likes of Braxton and Ducane would have their work cut out for them trying to untangle the mess. A broken love affair probably didn’t rate terribly high on their list of temporal priorities.
Seven looked a little uncomfortable and placed her hands behind her back and stood at parade rest. Kathryn stifled a sigh as the young woman looked past her and explained. “I decided that we were not compatible… for several reasons. The first being that the Commander had specific expectations that I was not willing to fulfil, so I decided that the simplest course of action was to cease our association.”
Specific expectations? That sounded…uncomfortable, but not at all like Chakotay. He’d always been keenly observant of the sensibilities of those around him, and surely with someone like Seven, who lacked any experience of relationships or romance, he would have been even more considerate.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Seven. Did you wish me to speak to the Commander? Are you alright? He didn’t upset or hurt you, did he?”
Seven looked puzzled for a moment and then raised her brow as realisation struck. “You’ve misunderstood me, Captain. The Commander was not making sexual demands upon me. His expectations lay in the direction of our future. He informed me this morning that if we were to continue our relationship that he would want to have children. I do not.”
Chakotay, a father. Kathryn’s heart skipped a beat. It was at the core of all her dreams. Only, in her dreams, she was the mother of Chakotay’s children, not Seven.
In all their years out there, they’d only ever discussed children once. It was very early in the voyage, and just after one of Q’s visits. The obnoxious being had asked her to mate with him and Chakotay had been disturbed and not a little upset by the situation.
They’d been sitting quietly after a shared meal and he’d told her of his desire to one day be a father. She in turn had told him that she also wanted to be a mother some time in the future. It had been a soul baring moment and in Kathryn’s mind there had been an unspoken pledge, that if time and circumstances permitted, those children would be theirs. But as the years had rolled on and the likelihood of finding a quick route home had waned, those dreams had faded, and the pledge, unspoken though it was, had been forgotten. Until now.
Kathryn felt a surge of protectiveness for these children of theirs who only existed in her fantasies.
Just how foolish could one middle aged woman be? Seven was staring at her as if she expected an answer.
Kathryn stifled a sigh. “Seven, this isn’t an unusual expectation when two people commit themselves to one another. Many people, who marry or bond, have children and in most cases it’s an integral part of the relationship. On a purely primal level, most lifeforms bond and mate to perpetuate their species. It’s a very basic need.”
Seven sniffed. “I understand that, Captain, but it is one in which I do not wish to be involved. Especially since I have been witness to the ‘joys’ of Lieutenant Torres’ pregnancy and was unlucky enough to be present during one of the Doctor’s vivid accounts of the birth. I can assure you that this is one human experience I’m determined to avoid.”
Kathryn smiled. The doctor had also elaborately recounted to her the intricacies and intimacies of Miral’s birth. The descriptions were colourful to say the least. She’d spoken to him in regard to the impropriety of speaking about the birth process without B’Elanna’s permission, impressing upon him the fact that not everyone wanted to hear such a florid blow by blow account of what happened. He’d promised to tone down his depictions, but obviously not before he’d spoken to Seven of Nine.
“Your decision is a very personal one, Seven, and a choice that only you can make, but don’t close your mind to the possibility entirely. You’re a young woman with plenty of time ahead of you. It might be something that you will decide to do in the future.”
“I do not think so, Captain, but I shall keep that in mind.”
“What time are you leaving tomorrow?” Kathryn was desperate to change the subject.
“0500… but did you not want to know what other reasons I had for ending my relationship with the commander?”
“Oh, there’s more?” Kathryn groaned inwardly. She really wasn’t up to this just at the moment and they were probably waiting for her in the cargo bay. But Seven seemed determined to get this off her chest. An evil voice popped into Kathryn’s head. ‘My, that must be a load’. She mentally slapped herself. Try again, Kathryn.
Off her mind. That’s much better. She plastered a sympathetic smile on her face and nodded towards the young woman. “Well then, let’s have it, Seven. What are the other reasons?”
“I have come to the conclusion that he is too old for me. I overheard some of the female crew talking and they referred to something called ‘cradle snatching’. I investigated the idiom and the idea made me feel very uncomfortable. There is also our incompatibility in regard to our belief systems. I have none, and the Commander is deeply spiritual. He attempted to explain to me about his ancestors and vision quests, but I found the concept primitive and unsophisticated.” She took a deep breath and faced Kathryn. “The final reason, and perhaps the most important is that I do not love him and he does not love me.”
Kathryn frowned. “Are you sure, Seven? I have it on good authority that he does and, so do you.”
Seven quirked her implant at the Captain. “I know my own feelings, Captain, and the Commander agreed with me. And if my understanding of committed relationships is correct, there is only room in a person’s heart to truly love one other person at a time. His heart is not free, so our attempted affiliation was doomed from the start.”
“I don’t understand, Seven. Are you telling me that the commander has feelings for someone else?” This was just too much. Who the hell could it be? Kathryn did a quick run through of the crew. She couldn’t pinpoint anyone, but then again, she would never have considered Seven as the love of his life either. If the Admiral hadn’t told her, she would have continued on, blissfully unaware. So, potentially it could be anyone.
“Yes, the Commander is in love with someone else. He has been in love with this person for quite some time, but knew that the likelihood of a relationship, whilst in the Delta quadrant, was remote, if not impossible. However, with our arrival in the Alpha Quadrant, apparently he considers that there is a chance for this relationship to flourish.”
Kathryn bit down on the inside of her cheek but remained calm and controlled. Her heart was aching. “Well, that’s good news, Seven. I hope he’ll be very happy.”
“He hopes so too, Captain.”
Kathryn’s combadge chirped.“Chell to the Captain.”
She slapped it hard. “Janeway here, Mr Chell.”
”We’re waiting for you in the cargo bay. The festivities are about to begin.”
”I’m on my way. Are you coming, Seven?”
Seven nodded and turned towards the door. “Yes, I shall see you there, Captain. I promised to share a glass of champagne with the Doctor before I departed.” The young woman was almost to the door when she turned and looked at Kathryn. “Captain, I wish you and the Commander every happiness.” And with a hiss of the doors, she was gone.
Kathryn stood with her mouth agape, staring at the closed doors. “What!” She shot forward and tore out into the corridor, but Seven had vanished. She stood there looking this way and that, muttering to herself. “What? Every happiness. I… what the hell is she talking about? Happiness….?”
Tuvok came around the corner and noticed his captain’s distracted state. “Captain. May I help you?”
“What?” She looked up. “Umm, no, Tuvok… I’m not… I’m not sure what…”
“Captain. You appear distressed. Perhaps I should contact the doctor.”
He was about to tap his combadge and she lurched forward and grabbed his hand. “No. For god’s sake, not the Doctor. It’s alright. I’ll be fine in a moment. I just received some unexpected news.” Her eyes were still darting about and Tuvok was looking at her with the slightest of frowns.
“Your family are well?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“This unexpected news does not involve your family I hope?”
“Huh? Oh, no. Just someone very close to me.”
“Oh, Commander Chakotay.”
“What?”
Tuvok looked at her as one would an errant child. “The only instances when I have seen you this distressed or nonplussed during the past seven years has been when the welfare of either Commander Chakotay or Seven of Nine has been involved. I have just seen Seven of Nine and she appeared well, so logic dictates that it is the Commander who has caused your emotional upheaval.”
Kathryn just stared at him. Vulcans! She huffed out a laugh. “Well, you got it in one, my old friend. But I’m not sure what I should do with this information. It came somewhat out of the blue.”
“Is it unwanted information?”
Kathryn cocked her head to the side and thought for all of a second. “No, I don’t think so.” Two more seconds and she had a definitive answer. “No, in fact, it’s quite welcome, but that still doesn’t mean I know what to do about it.”
“Perhaps you should speak to the Commander.”
“God, no!” she blurted. “He’s the last person I wish to speak to about this. And don’t you dare say anything to him. Not unless you want to spend the rest of the trip home in the brig.”
Tuvok blinked in surprise at her outburst. “I will not mention anything to the Commander, but he will know that there is something amiss. Your behaviour is uncharacteristically agitated.” He studied her for a moment. “Perhaps you could discuss it with me. I will be discreet.”
Kathryn looked at him again. Maybe. There certainly wasn’t anyone else she could speak to and Tuvok was the embodiment of discretion. Maybe a dose of cold hard logic was exactly what she needed right now. She tapped her combadge. “Janeway to Chell.”
“Chell here, Captain.”
“Mr Chell, could you extend my regrets to the crew. I’ve been held up for a short time. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Please begin the celebrations without me.”
“Yes, Captain. I’ll save you some Ham’o’bytes and a glass of Barclay Bitter. The engineering crew have been brewing it for months and it’s been named in honour of Mr Barclay. I’m sure you’ll…”
“Yes, Mr Chell, thank you. I’ll look forward to it. Janeway out.”
She took one more look at Tuvok and then shrugged her shoulders. “Very well, Tuvok. If we’re going to discuss this, we’d best be sitting down.”
Turning she hit the entrance code for her quarters and walked through the doors. Tuvok followed and she turned to him once the doors had shut behind him. “Would you like something to drink?” adding sotto voce, “I know I do.”
Tuvok requested Vulcan tea and Kathryn ordered a double whiskey, straight up. After handing Tuvok his tea, she held her drink up to the light for a moment and contemplated the warm ochre colour of the liquor. ‘Guts in a glass’. It had been a favourite saying of one of the old engineers on the Al Batani and it was one she’d never forgotten. It seemed frighteningly apt just at this moment.
Kathryn took her seat and a healthy swig of her drink as she watched Tuvok seat himself opposite her and place his tea on the table in front of him. He looked at her and she took another sip of her drink. It burned on the way down, but exploded into a wonderful warmth when it hit her belly. It felt good.
Tuvok steepled his fingers and waited patiently for her to begin.
With a sigh, she placed her almost empty glass on the table and sat back in her chair. How to begin? Going right to the heart of the matter was probably best. “Did you know that Seven and Chakotay had begun dating over the last few weeks?”
Tuvok nodded. “Yes. I had heard rumours alluding to this fact.”
“Well, they’re not anymore. Seven came to see me earlier. You must have seen her just after she left here.” Tuvok nodded and Kathryn continued. “She’d come to say goodbye, but when I mentioned the commander she informed me that she’d called off their ‘affiliation’.”
Tuvok sat still as stone.
Kathryn leaned forward resting her elbows on her thighs and knotted her hands together as she spoke. She was embarrassed and kept her eyes on the floor. “Seven gave me several reasons as to why the relationship wouldn’t work but the trouble is I know that it did work. The Admiral told me that in her timeline, Seven and Chakotay married.”
Tuvok raised an eyebrow. “Your future self showed a distinct lack of discretion. I cannot imagine you becoming such a maverick in your old age.”
Kathryn picked up her drink and took a sip. “You can’t?” She shrugged. “Hmmm, well, she’d endured much. In her timeline your illness went untreated and you deteriorated quickly. Seven died three years from now, in the arms of her husband, Chakotay. He was never the same afterwards, and apparently neither was I. Twenty two more crewmen also died between now and when she made it home. Knowing all that, it’s not too hard to imagine why she became so bitter and rebellious.” She swirled her drink in her glass and looked at her friend over the rim. “I certainly don’t find it difficult to imagine.”
“She was you, after all.”
“No, she wasn’t. She was the sum of all her experiences. Ones that, with any luck, I won’t have to face. I don’t want to finish up like her.” Kathryn frowned and contemplated her drink. “There was such a core of sadness to that woman. She scared me.”
“Being confronted by your future self would tend to be disconcerting on many levels.”
She raised her glass in salute. “You don’t know the half of it, my friend.” She took the final sip and emptied her glass. Heaving herself out of her chair she moved to the replicator. The thought crossed her mind to order another whiskey, but she decided against it. Handling the final hours of her captaincy while three sheets to the wind really wasn’t her style. She ordered a coffee instead, double strength.
Sitting back in her chair, she found herself once more under the calculating stare of her Tactical officer. She took a long draught of her coffee and holding the mug between her hands, she looked him in the eye. “You’d like to know what the real problem is, wouldn’t you?”
“I assumed you were working your way towards that. Am I correct?”
“Yes. I’m wending my way there. Slowly.” She smiled. “Alright, in a nutshell. Seven called off her relationship with Chakotay. According to her there were several reasons. One – he wants to have children, she doesn’t. Two – he’s too old for her.” Kathryn shrugged her shoulders. “Well that’s a no brainer. She’s half his age. Three – she sited their belief systems. Hers are nonexistent and his, according to Seven, are primitive and unsophisticated.” Tuvok nodded his understanding as Kathryn reeled off the list. She took a deep breath before she tackled this final hurdle. “The last, and most disconcerting reason, is that he is in love with someone else.”
Tuvok nodded sagely. “And is this person in love with him?”
Kathryn looked at the wily Vulcan and tried to read his look. Not an easy task. She decided to tell the truth. “Yes, she is.”
“Then I see no dilemma. He is in love with you and you are in love with him. Does this not constitute a ‘happy ending’?”
“How did you know…?” He raised a brow and she slumped a bit in her seat. “I won’t ask and it doesn’t matter…. Yes, it should constitute a happy ending, but it’s complicated. We’ve harboured this affection for one another for many years, but I refused to speak of it or even acknowledge it. I thought it had died.” Kathryn’s voice caught a little and she cleared her throat. “When the Admiral told me of Chakotay and Seven’s marriage, I put any hopes I may have had to rest.”
Tuvok raised his eyebrow a millimetre, but Kathryn could read his look. “Yes, I was also angry and upset. You know me too well, my friend. But under the circumstances there was very little I could do about it. I wasn’t about to disrupt the timeline any further by interfering with what I thought was their predestined relationship. Now I find that it’s over and that he still has these feelings for me.”
“Kathryn, I still do not see where the problem lies. Is this not exactly what you wished for on your return?”
“Yes, but his relationship with Seven has… complicated things and, well, you know…” She huffed out a breath. “It’s my pride. It’s been wounded and I can’t bring myself to pursue him. He abandoned me.” She noticed the flash in Tuvok’s eyes, but she bit back. “Yes, I know we were never together, but as far as I was concerned there was an unspoken understanding between the two of us and he betrayed that.”
There, she’d got it out, and was now waiting with bated breath for the succinct and sage words of wisdom from Tuvok’s mouth.
She waited, and waited… but nothing.
“Well, what should I do?”
“You are angry?”
“Hell yes, I’m angry. Wouldn’t you be?”
He gave her a bland look.
“Don’t answer that. I know. Vulcan’s don’t get angry. But slighted women do and I feel like punishing him for giving up on us.”
“I will not pretend to understand the workings of a woman’s mind, but my only advice would be to let the Commander know how you feel. Let him know that you are angry and hurt, but also inform him that you are amenable to a furthering of your relationship, but on your terms.”
“And how do I go about doing that?”
“Captain, you are a skilled tactician and a woman. I am certain you will find a way.”
Kathryn sat and thought for a moment and then smiled. “You’re right, Tuvok. I have a tactical advantage now that I know his relationship with Seven is over, and of course, I have my innate woman’s wiles. If I can remember how to use them…. It’s been a while.” She gave him a wry smile. “I should be able to think of something, shouldn’t I?” Taking the last sip of her coffee she thumped her cup down on the table. “Thank you, my friend, for your help.” She glanced over at the chronometer and stood. Tuvok rose as well. Kathryn smiled at her dear friend. “It’s getting late and I’m due in the cargo bay. Would you care to accompany me?”
There was a ghost of a smile on Tuvok’s face. “It would be my pleasure, Captain.” He held his arm out and with a smile, Kathryn tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow and they walked out of her quarters.
They could hear the revelry from the cargo bay from half way down the corridor. Standing outside the doors they listened for a moment. Kathryn turned to her companion. “There are going to be some sore heads tomorrow, but it’s a wonderful sound. It’s a pity the Admiral couldn’t be here for this.”
“Her presence would no doubt be an added complication, but I agree, it would have been pleasing.”
With a sad nod, Kathryn tugged his arm and the doors hissed open.
It took a moment before the crew realised who had entered the bay, but as word quickly spread, an expectant silence washed over the crowd and then someone started clapping. More and more hands joined the applause until the whole room had turned towards their captain, clapping and cheering. It was a rousing and heartfelt welcome and it warmed Kathryn’s heart. She beamed at the crowd. Tuvok stood back as she basked in the love and devotion of her crew. After a few minutes, she raised her hands to silence the applause.
“Thank you, everyone. Thank you. Tonight is a night that we’ve all dreamed of for seven years. We’re home.” More cheers and applause greeted her words. “I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for you steadfast loyalty, your hard work and your devotion to duty. Without every single one of you, we wouldn’t be here today. This journey has been a long and at times a difficult one, but what I’ll remember most is the laughter and the fun. Those are the moments that we should all remember. We’ve battled hard and we’ve seen things that no other crew has ever seen and I commend you all. We are unique. We are a family. A family of Voyagers, and no captain anywhere, at any time, has ever commanded a crew that could rival this one.” Kathryn picked up a drink from a passing tray. “It is with great pride that I salute you, my crew, my friends, and my family. To the family of Voyagers.” A cheer went up and people began to push forward to speak to their captain, to thank her, and to say their goodbyes.
It was an emotional time, filled with conflicting feelings of sorrow and joy. Kathryn worked her way around the room, making sure she spoke to everyone. Some threw protocol out the airlock and hugged her. Others were still a little shy, but all gave her their heartfelt thanks as she gave them hers. It took over an hour before she’d done her rounds and was able to move towards the back of the room where her senior staff were gathered.
Tuvok was standing with Tom, Harry, the Doctor, Seven and Chakotay. Kathryn gave them all a nod as she approached. “Good evening, Gentlemen, Seven.”
There was a chorus of Captains and a single Kathryn.
She looked up at Chakotay for a brief moment and then turned to Tom. “How is B’Elanna, Tom? I stopped by sickbay this afternoon. She’s a beautiful baby. Congratulations.” Tom was grinning happily. Kathryn had the feeling that he hadn’t stopped smiling all afternoon.
His grin widened. “Isn’t she, Captain? The most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen.” He clapped Chakotay on the back and flicked his eyes towards Seven. “You should try it one day, Chakotay. It’s something else.”
Chakotay’s eyes widened in panic and he looked at Kathryn. She maintained her bland expression, but held his gaze for several heartbeats. Tom was so happy that he was oblivious to the tension that sparked between his friends and commanding officers.
Seven looked icily at the helmsman. “From what the Doctor told me, it was a painful and unpleasant experience for all concerned.”
Kathryn could see Chakotay cringe and saw her chance. “I think it’s very difficult for those of us who haven’t experienced childbirth to really comment, Seven. From what I understand, yes, it’s painful, but also extraordinary, and fulfilling.”
Seven stared at Kathryn askance. “Captain, you would wish to experience childbirth?”
Kathryn shrugged. “The thought had crossed my mind.”
Seven looked perplexed. “I do not understand humanity’s preoccupation with copulation and procreation.”
Tom leapt on that one. “Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.”
Kathryn’s mouth twisted into a smile and she turned away, not wishing to offend Seven, but she caught Chakotay’s eyes as she turned. He stared at her, his dark eyes drilling into hers. She was caught in that dark gaze and it took all her will power to drag her eyes away from his. A telltale blush started to rise up her neck. This was ridiculous.
Harry was aware that something was amiss and entered the fray. “Well, preoccupation or not, the result was extraordinary. She’s really something, Tom, and I can’t wait until she’s old enough to join in our holoadventures. Watch out, Dr. Chaotica.”
Everyone laughed at the thought and Seven gauged this as a good time to retreat from the conversation. “I have to return to my alcove. It is being removed in the morning to be transported to my Aunt’s and I have preparations to make. Goodnight.”
They all wished her goodnight and watched as she weaved her way through the throng.
Tom turned back to the Captain. “What are your plans now that we’re home, Captain?”
“I haven’t made any specific plans, Tom. I’m looking forward to seeing my mother and sister, but apart from that I haven’t really had time to think much about the future. Are you and B’Elanna staying with your parents?”
Tom nodded. “Yes, my father has been in contact and he’s over the moon with the news of a grand daughter, and my mother… well, let’s just say, I don’t think Miral is going to be touching the ground for a long time.”
“That’s wonderful news, Tom. I’m looking forward to seeing your father and mother again.” She turned to Harry. “And Harry, what about your family?”
He grinned. “My parents are camping at headquarters I think.” They all laughed. “They want to meet you too, Captain. Be prepared to be hugged until you can’t breathe.”
Kathryn smiled warmly at the young man.
He looked at her expectantly. “Do we know what time we’re disembarking?”
“I haven’t had any definite word yet, but my guess would be sometime in the morning. I’m expecting an itinerary to be posted sometime tonight. What I do know is, there will be debriefings, but when they’ll be scheduled I haven’t heard. As soon as I know anything I’ll inform the crew.”
“Thank you, Captain.” Harry turned to Chakotay. “What about you, Commander? Where will you be going?”
Chakotay’s eyes met Kathryn’s again. “I’ll probably be staying with my cousin in Ohio, but I haven’t heard from him yet. If I don’t, I suppose I’ll just have to look up some old friends.”
Kathryn nodded but turned when a blue hand touched her sleeve. “Captain Janeway, I saved you some of the delicacies from earlier this evening.” Chell passed her a plate filled with an assortment of finger food.
“Thank you, Mr Chell. These look delicious.”
The Bolian smiled and opened his mouth to launch into a detailed description of each morsel, but Harry cut him off at the pass. “Chell, I think the group from Stellar cartography are looking a little parched. Is there anymore Barclay Bitter to go around? I’m sure they’d love some.”
Chell bustled away and Kathryn turned to Harry. “Excellent tactical manoeuvre, Mr Kim. That might just earn you a commendation.”
“Do they give commendations for dodging talkative Bolians?”
The Doctor looked at Harry. “If they don’t, they should. Our Mr Chell is nothing if not verbose, although I’ve had the chance to review the Starfleet records on Bolians and other associated species and I have found that it is a common trait amongst …..”
As the Doctor prattled on, the others all looked sideways at one another. Kathryn gave Harry a pointed stare. He shrugged apologetically. He was only good for one brilliant tactical manoeuvre at a time.
Ignoring the Doctor’s spiel, Kathryn turned and scanned the crowd. It did her heart good to see all their happy faces. It truly was a joyous occasion. A beaming smile broke over her face and as she turned back towards the group she found Chakotay staring at her. Her smile stayed in place and his broadened. The Doctor’s droning faded into the background as a silent communication passed between them. She was jolted back to reality by the Doctor’s voice.
“What do you think, Captain?”
Her eyes quickly scanned the rest of the group, but they were no help. She took a punt. “I think that’s an excellent idea, Doctor.”
He smiled. “I thought you would. Well, I should get back to sick bay. The final results of the medical examinations need to be sent to Starfleet for an all clear. I’ll see you all tomorrow and then at the Captain’s house for the reunion next month.”
Kathryn’s eyes widened. “Ah, yes, goodnight, Doctor.”
Everyone bade him goodnight and then looked towards the Captain as she met each of their gazes. “What did I just agree to do?”
Tom laughed. “It sounds like you’re hosting the inaugural Voyager reunion at your home in a month’s time. Don’t worry, Captain. I’ll see if I can talk him out of it.”
Kathryn was about to thank Tom, but then thought again. The idea had merit. This crew had lived in this tight knit community for over seven years. They were used to seeing the same people everyday. There was bound to be a certain amount of adapting to their new circumstances, not to mention the fact that they would just plain miss one another. A get-together in a few weeks time sounded like a very good idea. It would give them all something to look forward to and a focus for those who were having difficulties. “No, Tom. On reflection, I think it’s a very good idea. I’ll contact the Doctor later and we’ll work out a time. I’ll also speak to my mother and let you all know.”
“Okay, Captain.”
Music began playing in the background and space was made in the centre of the cargo bay for dancing. Before anyone could say a word, Chakotay turned to Kathryn and extended his arm. “Captain, may I have the honour? I think they’re waiting.”
Kathryn looked around her and all eyes were upon her and Chakotay. She gave a quick nod and took his proffered arm. She could almost hear the communal sigh as he took her in his arms and they swept around the room. There was no denying it felt good to be close to him. They maintained decorum, dancing at arms length, but she could feel the heat of his hand as it rested low on her back and the warmth of his fingers where they wove through hers. After a turn around the room, others joined them on the dance floor and the chatter began again. Chakotay leant forward to speak into her ear over the noise. “How is your family, Kathryn? I’ve not had a chance to ask.”
She quirked an eyebrow at him and gave him a knowing look. “Hmmm, yes, well, you’ve been busy.” He blushed but she continued, pretending not to notice. “They’re fine, thank you, Chakotay. You’ve not heard from your cousin or sister?”
He shook his head. “I don’t expect to hear from my sister. She’s on one of the old homeworlds and the communication systems are fairly primitive.” Kathryn smiled to herself. That was the second time she’d heard that word used tonight in relation to Chakotay. Something about it appealed to her. Perhaps it was the slightly savage edge it gave him or the mystery it evoked, but whatever it was, it stirred something in her. He mentioned something about his cousin which she missed.
“I’m sorry, Chakotay, I didn’t hear that.”
The noise level was increasing and to be heard he bent close as he spoke. His warm breath floated across her cheek and neck, sending goosebumps cascading down her body. “It’s too difficult to talk here. Shall we find somewhere a little quieter?”
Kathryn nodded and they moved off the dance floor and to one of the far corners of the bay. It was still noisy but at least they could talk without shouting. Kathryn perched herself on a cargo container and Chakotay leant against the bulkhead.
Kathryn nodded towards him. “So, what were you saying about your cousin?”
“Only that I haven’t heard from him. Chances are he’s off planet. He’s a trader and spends a good deal of his time travelling. I’ll know more tomorrow when we arrive.” He looked over his shoulder at the revelry. “They’re happy.” Turning back, he smiled. “Congratulations, Kathryn. You did it.”
“Yes, we did.”
He shook his head. “No, Kathryn. This was entirely your doing. We would never have made it home if it wasn’t for you.”
“And the Admiral.”
He gave a non committal shrug. “Yes, I suppose so. The Borg didn’t stand a chance with two Janeways on board.”
Kathryn was watching the crew, but could feel his eyes on her. She didn’t want to speak about Admiral Janeway, so she steered the conversation in another direction. “I was thinking earlier of Neelix. Do you realise that in a few weeks it will be Prixin?”
“That sounds like a good reason to celebrate.”
With the thought of Prixin and family, she suddenly had an idea. “Chakotay, nobody should be alone when we get home. If you don’t hear from your cousin, would you like to come home with me? I know my mother would be only too glad to have you stay. I think she knows that you’re a big part of why I survived out there and would love to finally meet you.”
Chakotay was taken aback. “Are you sure, Kathryn? I don’t want to intrude.”
“Weren’t you listening? We’re family. You couldn’t possibly intrude. Besides, it’s going to be hard enough to say goodbye to everyone. I’m not sure I want to say goodbye to you. At least not just yet.”
He frowned. “Kathryn?”
She heaved a sigh. “I know about you and Seven. She came to visit me earlier today and told me that you’d ended your relationship.”
“Relationship? That’s rather overstating it. A few dates and a couple of kisses is hardly a relationship. Well, not in my book anyway.”
Kathryn bit her tongue, thinking bitterly that it was more than she’d ever experienced from him. Instead, she nodded and turned back towards the crew. All of a sudden she felt like crying. The last week had been an emotional roller coaster and she kept being hit by these waves of realisation. They were home, but life was never going to be the same.
“Are you alright, Kathryn?” He could see from the set of her shoulders that she was tense.
How could she explain? “You’re going to laugh, but I feel sad and at odds. This is something that I’ve wanted for so long and now that we’re here, I’m not sure what I should feel.”
“Sometimes you can want something so badly that when you get it, it doesn’t live up to expectations. But I understand how you feel. I’m feeling a little lost myself.”
Kathryn grunted a laugh. “Will you listen to us, for God’s sake? We made it home and now we’re complaining. There’s just no pleasing some people.” She took a deep breath. “We’ll get over it, I’m sure. Once we’re off Voyager….” Her face crumpled and she turned away from him.
He took a quick look over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching, then put his arm around her and guided her behind some of the larger cargo containers. “Hey, it’ll be alright.”
She was laughing and crying at the same time. “This is so ridiculous. Look at me. I’m a mess.”
“You look fine to me.”
“You’d say that if I’d had my legs torn off by a Traken beast.”
He stared at her then burst out laughing. “I knew that would come back to bite me one day.”
Kathryn was now smiling and wiping her tears. “Yes, well, it was rather graphic. But I appreciated the sentiment at the time.” She sighed again. “That’s just another thing I’m going to have to face. Mark and his wife. So much has happened since we’ve been gone. Do you think we’ll fit in? Or have we been gone too long and missed too much?”
“You’re talking to someone who’s never really fitted in. I can give you some pointers if you like.”
“Or maybe we could just not fit in together.”
“Kathryn?”
“It’s alright, Chakotay. I’m probably jumping the gun here a little, but I have it on good authority that I should tell you something.”
He leaned a little closer to her and waited.
She huffed out a breath. “God, it all sounded so ‘logical’ when Tuvok spoke of it.”
“Spoke of what, Kathryn?”
“My feelings.” She closed her eyes for a moment and then decided that she didn’t have anything to lose by telling him. He would either welcome the news or disappear from her life for good. She had to take a chance. Opening her eyes, she held his gaze. “My feelings for you.”
He blinked slowly. “Your feelings for me?”
Her shoulders dropped in frustration. “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” Taking a deep breath, she stood tall. “Alright. This is how things stand. Chakotay, I love you. I have loved you for a very long time, but as you know, protocols and regulations stood in our way and I couldn’t do anything about it while we were in the Delta Quadrant. I’d always hoped that when we got home that maybe we could find a way to explore those feelings, but when I found out about you and Seven, I was hurt and angry. I still am a little, but that’s beside the point.” She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “I would like to see if we have a chance of making something of this.” She waved her hand between them. “I think we might be able to make a go of it, but after the Seven thing, I’m not as confidant as I was. The Admiral told me things that made me doubt everything I thought I knew. I realise that once she came through that rift that the other timeline was corrupted and nothing that happened then was destined to happen now, but, well, you know how this sort of thing gives me a headache. Suffice it to say, she rocked my foundations with her glimpses into the future and I’m floundering at the moment.” Kathryn took a deep breath. “Anyway,.. that’s about it really.”
He was staring at her and she was starting to feel foolish. “For God’s sake, say something. I’ve started to ramble and I’ll be giving the Doctor and Chell a run for their money soon if you don’t stop me.” He was still staring at her. It was very unnerving. “Chakotay?”
All of a sudden he let out a whoop, and hauled her into his arms, spinning her around and around. Kathryn was taken completely by surprise and let out a yelp. Fortunately they were still hidden behind the cargo containers and with his eyes locked on hers he let her feet touch the floor as he pushed her against the bulkhead.
“You love me?”
A smile was fighting its way through and she nodded.
He had his arms wrapped tightly around her and his face moved closer. “You really love me?”
She laughed. “Yes, Chakotay. I really love you.” He hugged her tight and she wriggled against him. He just grinned and stared at her. Her smile widened as well. His happiness was contagious. She cocked her head on the side. “Umm. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
He was grinning and she could feel laughter rumbling through his chest. “I’ve got so much to tell you, but first I want to show you this.” Leaning down he kissed her gently. Just a whisper of lips on lips. He pulled back and stared at her again. His hand drifted up towards her face, his fingers stroking along her cheek as his thumb grazed across her lips. A shiver went through her. He leant towards her again and breathed against her lips. “I love you too, Kathryn. I’ve always loved you.” This time his lips pressed hard against hers. They were warm and soft and coaxed a moan from deep within her. Her body melted into his and her hands stole up over his back and grasped handfuls of his uniform jacket. She yanked herself away from him, and gasped for breath. He was panting too.
Kathryn touched her lips. “My God. I knew I had good reason for not doing this in the Delta Quadrant. I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on a thing.”
He sucked a few deep breaths into his lungs and loosened his hold a little. “Phew, you’re not wrong there. But just to make sure….”
Grinning, he tugged her towards him and their mouths met again. Her lips moulded to his but this time he pulled back a little and nibbled his way along her lips, small nips and tugs using his lips and teeth. Kathryn found it very erotic and her hands swept up into his hair holding him to her as she nibbled and nipped at him in turn. Desire got the better of them in the end, and their mouths opened and they kissed deep and long.
“Captain, Chakotay! Are you here?” It was B’Elanna.
They leapt apart and stared at one another for a few seconds and then burst out laughing. Kathryn patted her hair into place and Chakotay ran his fingers through his hair to tidy it as best he could. Kathryn reached up quickly and with eyes sparkling, wiped a telltale smudge of lipstick from his mouth. With as much decorum as they could muster, they stepped from behind the cargo containers to greet the new mother.
“B’E, what are you doing here?”
Kathryn was surprised as well. “Does the Doctor know you’re here?”
B’Elanna nodded. “I’ve been allowed to escape for ten minutes to come and say hello. The Doctor is taking his Godparent privileges.” She stood and looked at them both for a moment, then grinned broadly at her commanding officers. Shaking her head she threw her arms around Chakotay and then hugged the Captain. “Well, congratulations, you two. This is wonderful and about time too.”
Kathryn and Chakotay looked at one another. Was it really that obvious?
Chakotay couldn’t help smiling, but gave B’Elanna a warning frown as well. “Please, B’El, not so loud. We don’t want the whole crew to know.” He looked at Kathryn to gauge her reaction. “Well, not just yet anyway.”
B’Elanna laughed at them. “Good luck, Old Man. Maybe the pair of you should wipe that ‘cat’s got the cream’ look off your faces. It’s a dead give away.”
She watched with a smile as her commanding officers tried, without much success, to tone down the look of sublime happiness that they were both wearing. Their joy radiated from them. They were goners. “Come on. I’ll run interference for you, but for the love of Kahless don’t touch one another. The sparks will set off the fire suppression system.”
Kathryn looked at Chakotay and then laughing, rubbed her forehead. “Oh God, she’s right. Chakotay, for pity’s sake, try and look a little less deliriously happy. You’ve always had a lousy poker face.”
“Hey, I’ve got a great poker face.”
The two women just looked at each other and shook their heads. B’Elanna deadpanned. “Captain, you’d better come with me.” She tossed over her shoulder. “And you, Mr Inscrutable, can follow.”
Kathryn grinned at him over her shoulder as she walked away. He frowned for a moment, but his face softened into a loving smile as he watched them merge into the crowd. It was going to be a long night.
The party got louder and more raucous as the night wore on. Just after midnight, Kathryn and Chakotay decided it was time to make an exit. They toyed with the idea of leaving separately, but it seemed a little pointless at this juncture. As hard as they’d tried to pretend otherwise, it hadn’t taken the crew long to notice that the dynamic of their relationship had changed. It surprised Kathryn and Chakotay, although they agreed it shouldn’t have, that their change of circumstances was accepted with barely the bat of an eyelid by every member of the crew. They were congratulated, quietly by many, and not so quietly by some, but it seemed that most had assumed this would happen once they’d arrived in the Alpha Quadrant. It amused Kathryn to see that most everyone brushed aside Chakotay’s brief dalliance with Seven as if it was of no consequence. It seemed like a good idea to her.
Kathryn and Chakotay were gracious in their acceptance of the crew’s good wishes and even though they’d expected some light hearted ribbing, none was forthcoming. It was an easy slide from command team to command couple.
After many heartfelt goodnights they wandered out of the cargo bay and made their way back to Kathryn’s quarters. Standing outside they both hesitated, then spoke simultaneously.
“Kathryn…”
“Chakotay…” She grinned and indicated that he should go first.
Chakotay took a deep breath and reached for her hand. “I know all of this has been quite sudden, and I don’t want to rush you. So I’ll say goodnight. Sleep well, Kathryn. I’ll see you in the morning.” He looked up and down the corridor then leant forward and gave her a quick peck on the lips. With a warm smile, he let go of her hand and turned to walk to his quarters.
Kathryn almost laughed. She waited until he was a few paces down the corridor then stood with her hands on her hips and called after him. “Commander! Front and centre.”
He turned, and stared at her.
She grinned. “You’ve got to be kidding?”
“Huh?”
“I said… you’ve got to be kidding?” She took a few steps towards him and shook her head in exasperation. “We’ve been dancing around this for years. I don’t know about you, but seven years of foreplay is more than enough for me.” And grabbing his hand she hauled him back towards her quarters. She keyed open the doors and with a gentle shove, she pushed him through the doors and followed right behind him. “I’m not going to let another chance pass me by. Are you with me, Commander?”
Chakotay laughed and hooked his arm around her waist and spun her around. He pulled her flush against him with a thud and whispered in her ear. “Always.”
She grinned up at him and slipped out of his arms. Hooking her fingers into the waist band of his pants, she stood on her tip toes and whispered in his ear. “Then let’s go to bed.”
He blew a slow breath between pursed lips as he followed her into the bedroom.
The lights dimmed and the bright light of Earth shone through the view ports. As Voyager fell into orbit around the blue jewel of a planet, so Kathryn and Chakotay fell into orbit around one another. It almost seemed as if the universe sighed.
Morning dawned aboard Voyager to find Kathryn and Chakotay fast asleep and wrapped in one another’s arms. The alarm chimed and Kathryn woke with a start. She was in bed with someone. It took a second or two before the fog of sleep lifted and the memories of last night fell into place.
Chakotay had woken with the alarm as well and felt her stiffen against him. He waited to see what would happen and smiled to himself as he felt her body relax and melt back against him. He tugged her close and kissed the top of her head. “Good morning, my love.”
She snuggled into him. “’Morning.” Her voice was husky with sleep. “I suppose we should get up.”
“Hmmm.”
She could feel the hum through his chest and she hugged him closer. “Do you think they’d miss us if we didn’t show up for the debarkation?”
“I have a feeling they might.”
“Damn! You’re right.”
“I often am.”
She raised herself up on her elbow and looked at him. “Hmmm, yes, well I can think of one or two mistakes you’ve made over the years, but I’m willing to overlook them, if you’re willing to overlook mine.”
He saw past the attempt at levity and swept her hair away from her face. “Kathryn, I’m sorry about Seven. It was a bad idea but fortunately we both saw it for what it was, sooner rather than later.”
Kathryn rubbed her cheek against his hand. “You’ve nothing to apologise for. I had no claim on you. You had every right to find happiness where you could.”
“That’s very noble of you, Kathryn.” He squinted his eyes a little as he studied her. “But I don’t believe you.”
“What?”
“I know how I would have felt if it had been the other way around… and I know you.”
She held her breath for a moment then her eyes flashed. “You’re right. I was as mad as hell.” She slapped him none too gently on the chest. “Don’t you ever do that to me again. You’re mine and always have been.”
He held her hand against his chest over the heated spot where she’d smacked him. “I know that, Kathryn. I’ve always known that. Just as you’ve belonged to me. My only excuse is that I was lonely. I wanted what those around me had. Someone to love, a family, a focus. Watching Tom and B’Elanna made me realise how quickly time was passing me by and what I was missing.”
She tilted her head and studied him. “I knew about you and Seven. The Admiral told me and then when Seven came and visited me yesterday evening to tell me that you’d ended your relationship, she told me the reasons why.”
Chakotay frowned. “What did she tell you?”
“Do you want the Seven version, or my interpretation.”
“The abridged version will be fine.”
Kathryn wriggled into a sitting position. “She told me that she’d ended your ‘affiliation’ because you were too old for her and that your spiritual needs were too dissimilar, you were in love with someone else and… that you wanted children and she didn’t.”
Chakotay nodded. “That was about it.”
Kathryn nodded and looked past him with an unreadable look on her face.
“Kathryn?”
She smiled at him. “Hmmm.”
“What are you thinking?”
She shrugged. “I’m thinking about a lot of things, but most of all about how my dreams are very much like yours.”
“Tell me.”
Again she shrugged. “Well, neither of us is getting any younger, Chakotay, and I do know how you feel. I want all those things too. To share my life with someone I love, a family, something other than this ship on which to focus my attention. I’m willing to give it a try if you are.” She could feel a flush creeping up her neck to her cheeks. She wondered if she was being too presumptuous, but here she was next to him, naked, in her bed. It didn’t seem like the time to be coy. “I’ve just had my medical. The Doctor said it may not be easy, but I’m still able to have children. If we were to do this, we’d have to be quick. I haven’t got a lot of time up my sleeve.”
He was staring at her.
“Chakotay?”
His eyes were wide and he looked startled. All of a sudden Kathryn had the horrifying thought that perhaps she’d misinterpreted what Seven had said, or she’d completely misunderstood his wishes. Her flush quickly became the burn of shame and she made to move away from him.
Her movement jolted him into action and he bolted upright, nearly knocking her off the bed. She grabbed his arm as he grabbed her. His eyes were wide and there was a telltale shimmer of tears. “You’d have my children?”
Kathryn grinned with relief. “In a heartbeat.”
He wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear. “Can we start now?”
It wasn’t easy to say no, but good sense prevailed. “As much as I’d love to, how about we get everyone home first?”
He grinned. “You’re the Captain.”
“Oh God, yes, which reminds me, we’d best get moving. There’s lots to do.” She slid out of bed and walked naked to the bathroom, tossing over her shoulder as she disappeared through the opening. “Are you with me, Commander?”
He smiled but couldn’t help a groan as he watched her. She had no idea the effect she had on him. Sighing happily he thought about their future. All the fantasies he’d held so close to his heart for all these years were coming to fruition. Kathryn, a life together, with their children…. A family. It was something that he’d wanted for so long.
He heard the shower running and her call. “Chakotay, I need you to do my back.”
Leaping out of bed, he bounded into the bathroom. He didn’t have to be asked twice.
Within the hour they were both on the bridge. Word had come through from Starfleet regarding their schedule and the procedures for Voyager’s landing and handover of command. The ship was to set down at the Presidio where they would disembark. They would be met by family and friends and there’d be a short ceremony held for Voyager’s decommission. Their brave ship was going to be transferred to Utopia Planetia where her engines would be examined, her Delta Quadrant technologies analysed and her idiosyncratic systems investigated. Kathryn was assured that they’d take good care of her and if any of the crew wished to visit, they would be welcome at anytime. The crew would also be called upon to explain and assist with the systems analyses and some of the engineers would be employed to help dismantle the technology.
It broke Kathryn’s heart to think of her brave ship being put to pasture, but she’d fought the good fight, carried them for all those miles, kept them safe and finally brought them home. She deserved a rest.
At the allotted time, Tom set the grand old lady down without a glitch, and the crew, all decked out in their dress uniforms, formed a guard of honour in cargo bay one in readiness for their departure. The ramp was lowered and with a deep breath, Kathryn, with Chakotay by her side, the senior staff directly behind her, and her proud crew following, made her way down the ramp into the sunshine of San Francisco.
A large crowd of family and friends were waiting for the intrepid travellers and as Kathryn set foot on Terran soil, a roar of applause and cheers erupted from the crowd. They were home.
She turned to Chakotay and smiled.
She heard them before she saw them. Her mother and sister rushed through the crowd calling. “Kathryn, Kathryn!” She let go of Chakotay’s hand and fell into her mother’s arms and then wrapped her arms around her sister. There were tears in all their eyes.
Gretchen turned to Chakotay and smiled. Bright, familiar blue eyes studied him.
He blushed a little under the intense gaze. “Mrs Janeway, I’m…”
“Chakotay. Please call me Gretchen. It’s wonderful to meet you at last. Come here.” And the small woman pulled the large man into her arms and hugged him tight. “I owe you so much. Thank you for bringing her home safely to me.”
He smiled, a little taken aback. “It’s the other way around, I assure you. If it wasn’t for Kathryn, none of us would be here.”
Stepping back she grinned knowingly and cupped his cheek. “Oh, I know that the Captain brought you all home. But you brought my Kathryn home, and that wasn’t an easy feat, I’m sure.” She turned to her other daughter. “Phoebe, this is Chakotay.”
Phoebe gave him a considered look and seemed to come to some sort of conclusion. She grinned. It was startling how alike she and Kathryn were when they smiled. Chakotay smiled in return. “Hello, Phoebe.”
“Well, hello to you too. We’re so glad to have you home.” Then she stepped forward and hauled him into her arms and hugged him warmly.
When Phoebe let him go, Kathryn searched for his hand and held on tight. He gave it a squeeze but let it slide from his grip when there were calls of “Captain Janeway, Captain!” from within the crowd.
Harry and his parents were making a bee line for them and as promised, Kathryn was pulled into a bone crushing embrace by both of Harry’s parents. The Kims were the first of many and the greetings went on for most of the afternoon. Kathryn’s mind was spinning by the time the official welcome home was due to start. She’d been introduced to literally hundreds of relatives and friends of her crew. Chakotay, bless him, had stayed by her side and supported her with gentle but discreet touches as tears were shed and she was overwhelmed by gratitude. Voyager’s handover of command was a blur and by the time they arrived back in Indiana that evening Kathryn was beyond exhaustion.
Gretchen sat them on the couch in the living room and bustled off to the kitchen to get them both a cup of coffee, but by the time she returned, Kathryn was fast asleep with her head resting against Chakotay’s shoulder. He held his finger to his lips and Gretchen smiled and nodded. She stood in front of the couch and just looked at her daughter. Her gaze flicked to his and her smile was one of deep gratitude and profound relief. Against the odds, she had her daughter back.
After a shuddering sigh, Gretchen whispered. “Can you carry her up to bed, Chakotay? I’ll show you the way.”
He nodded and gently slipped his arms under Kathryn’s knees and behind her shoulders. Lifting her slight frame with ease, his heart swelled as in her sleep she gripped a handful of his shirt and snuggled into his arms. He followed Gretchen up the stairs to Kathryn’s room. There was a large double bed over by the window and Gretchen quickly pulled down the covers as he laid his precious cargo on the soft mattress.
Gretchen whispered to Chakotay. “Do you need any help?”
For a moment he was flustered and then noticed the kind and knowing smile on Gretchen’s face. He relaxed and shook his head. “No, I’ll take it from here.”
She leant down and kissed her daughter, and rested her hand against her cheek. Kathryn moved restlessly and mumbled in her sleep. After dropping another kiss on Kathryn’s forehead, Gretchen moved past Chakotay and patted his arm. “See you in the morning. Sleep well, dear.”
“Thank you, Gretchen. Thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome, my dear.” She gave him a quick hug and then tip toed out of the bedroom.
He pulled off Kathryn’s boots and she roused enough to help him take off the rest of her uniform. She slid under the covers in her panties and tank and spoke to him sleepily as he undressed. “Is Mom alright? I meant to spend more time with her this evening but….”
He smiled as he climbed into bed and pulled her close. “She’s fine. She’s just so happy to have you home. Maybe tomorrow you could spend some time with her. I’ve got to try and contact my cousin and sister.”
Kathryn nodded and snuggled into his side. “I can’t believe I’m really here. I’m tempted to pinch myself to make sure it’s real.”
He kissed her head as she began to drift back to sleep. “Oh, it’s real alright. We’re here.” He rubbed his cheek against her hair and revelled in the joy of holding her in his arms. “We’re home at last.” He felt her smile against his shoulder and closing his eyes he drifted off to sleep.
He awoke the next morning alone in bed. He could hear voices downstairs. They were indistinct but one was definitely Kathryn’s and he presumed the other was Gretchen. They sounded happy and the thought brought a smile to his face.
He climbed out of bed and found the bathroom. Showering quickly, he dressed and made his way down the stairs. He stood at the bottom of the stairwell and listened for a moment.
Kathryn was laughing. It was a wonderful sound. “Phoebes, don’t tease, it’s cruel. I know you don’t understand, but I couldn’t. It would’ve undermined the command structure and hell, you’ve seen him. I wouldn’t have been able to keep my mind on a thing. It was difficult enough as it was.”
So it was Phoebe she was speaking to. “I still think you’re crazy. You could’ve missed your chance, and brother, that would’ve been a tragedy.”
Kathryn’s voice held an edge. “Don’t worry, I’m very well aware of how close I came to losing it all. Honestly, I thought I had. When the Admiral told me what happened in her time line I was devastated.”
He wondered what the Admiral had told Kathryn, but not wanting to eavesdrop, he trod heavily as he walked down the last few steps. He entered the kitchen and two identical smiles greeted him. He grinned and moved to Kathryn giving her a kiss. “Good morning, or is it afternoon?”
She glanced over at the clock. “No, you made it by the skin of your teeth. Coffee?”
He smiled. “Tea, if you have some. Although this is a Janeway household, I might be out of luck. How are you, Phoebe?”
“I’m well, thanks, Chakotay.”
Gretchen walked through the door. “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
He nodded to Kathryn’s mother. “Yes, thank you. Like a baby.”
Gretchen looked at both of them and made an odd humming noise. Phoebe rolled her eyes. “Don’t start, Mother. They’ve only just got home.”
Chakotay frowned in question and Phoebe laughed. “I’m just glad I’m out of the firing line. I’ve done my duty. Three is enough. It’s your turn now.”
Kathryn darted a warning look at her mother.
Gretchen shrugged. “You can’t blame an old lady for trying. Besides, I’m a wonderful Grandma, aren’t I, Phoebe?”
Phoebe gave Kathryn a candid look. “Yes, you’re wonderful. Especially if you want your kids on a constant sugar high and spoilt rotten. You’re the Grandma to top all Grandmas.”
Kathryn gave Chakotay an apologetic smile but he grinned in response. It was nice to know he had most of the family on side. However he could see that Kathryn was uncomfortable, so he changed the subject.
“Kathryn, have you spoken to Gretchen about the Prixin celebration next month?”
Gretchen turned to her daughter. “Prixin?”
Kathryn explained. “It’s a Talaxian celebration of family. Neelix, our cook, ambassador and jack of all trades, you’ve heard me speak of him, well, he was from Talax and we celebrated this holiday every year while we were in the Delta Quadrant and we thought it would be a fine tradition to continue now that we’re home. It falls next month and there are plans to hold the celebration here. Would you be okay with that?”
Gretchen smiled. “That would be fine. We’ve not really organised anything for Christmas, so this sounds like a wonderful thing to do.”
She reached for the kettle and put it on the stove. “How many do you think would be coming?”
Kathryn looked to Chakotay. He shrugged. “About two hundred I suppose, if we count most of the crew and some family. Is that too many? We could set up a marquee, and although it will be cold, I’m sure we could rig some heating and perhaps a bonfire. I don’t think anyone will be expecting too much, but it would be good to get everyone together. It’s going to be difficult for some of the returnees. They’ll be missing their shipmates.”
Gretchen frowned. “I hadn’t thought of that. Are there any others who need somewhere to stay, Kathryn? We have room if need be.”
She smiled at her mother. “No, but thank you, Mom. I made sure that everyone was accounted for and had a place to stay with family and friends. Chakotay was the only lost sheep.”
Gretchen squeezed his arm as she walked past. “Not anymore, are you, dear?”
Chakotay felt the burn of tears in his eyes at the gentle touch and her welcoming words. In many ways he’d dreaded his homecoming. His family were gone and the only relatives he had were distant, either in terms of miles or relationship. He’d been enfolded into the Janeway clan as if he’d always been a part of this extraordinary family. His heart sang. It felt wonderful to belong.
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Kathryn woke on the morning of the Prixin celebration feeling less than wonderful. Chakotay was still asleep so she slid out of bed and walked quietly to the bathroom to wash her face. Half way along the hallway the nausea struck and she only just made it to the bathroom in time. She cursed herself. This wasn’t the time to come down with any sort of virus and she certainly didn’t want to be ill today of all days. She showered and cleaned her teeth and by the time she returned to the bedroom she was feeling fine. A small niggle itched in the back of her mind, but she ignored it and set about getting the last few items organised for the day.
The marquee had been erected the day before. It was cold out, but there had been no snow thankfully and heating had been arranged inside the large tent. The caterers were due in a couple of hours and the last of the decorating needed to be done. Many of the crew had already contacted her to say they were either in town or on their way. There was great excitement and everyone was looking forward to catching up with their shipmates and finding out what life had brought their friends and comrades here in the Alpha Quadrant. Starfleet had informed them that the debriefings would be starting in two weeks time, so this was a well deserved highlight before the hard work began again. Tom, B’Elanna and Miral, Harry and Libby, the Doctor and Seven, and Tuvok and T’Pel were all staying in town and had dropped in the previous afternoon for a cup of coffee and a quick catch up. They’d all been in contact with each other over the last month with news and Miral updates and although they were living in different places the ties that bound them were as strong as ever. The distance had strengthened them rather than weakened them as Kathryn had feared.
Kathryn had enjoyed her cuddles with baby Miral. The little girl had grown so much in just these few short weeks. She’d watched Chakotay as he’d nursed the baby and thought again to herself what a wonderful father he would make. Soon, she hoped, very soon.
She was having her first coffee for the day when she felt his hands on her shoulders. He bent over and kissed her good morning. “You’re up early, my love.”
“Hmmm, I couldn’t sleep. There’s too much to do and I wanted to get a start on the day. Tom and B’Elanna will be here soon.” She smiled up at him and lifted her cup to take another sip, when the nausea struck again. She looked at him with alarm and then ran from the room.
“Kathryn? Are you alright? Kathryn!” He raced after her, and found her with her head bent over the toilet in the downstairs bathroom.
She waved him away. “I’m fine. Just give me a minute.”
He ignored her and placed his hand on her back as she hunched over the bowl. After a few minutes she settled and he helped her to her feet. He passed her a damp washcloth and felt her forehead with the back of his hand.
“You don’t feel feverish. How do you feel now?”
She gave him a grim smile. “Not too bad considering. That’s the second time this morning though. I’d keep my distance if I was you. You don’t want to get this.”
Gretchen was outside the bathroom. She’d heard Chakotay’s cries and rushed to see what was wrong. She took one look at her daughter and smiled. “I think he may have given this to you in the first place, my dear.”
Kathryn and Chakotay looked at Gretchen and then at each other. She shook her head at their oblivious looks. “Come into the kitchen, Kathryn. I’ve got just the thing to fix you up.”
Kathryn took a deep breath and with Chakotay’s arm around her, followed her mother into the kitchen.
“Sit there, dear, I won’t be a moment.”
She pottered in the kitchen for a minute and then placed a piece of dry toast and a cup of sweet black tea in front of her daughter. “You’ll be glad of these over the next few months.”
Kathryn looked at her mother with a puzzled frown and then her eyes widened and she looked at Chakotay in shock. “Months?”
Gretchen was grinning from ear to ear.
Kathryn burst out laughing but Chakotay was still staring at her with a bewildered frown. She prompted. “About eight months if my calculations are correct, but we might have to get the Doctor to confirm that.”
Chakotay’s eyes almost popped out of his head as he whooped and scooped Kathryn from her chair, spinning her around the room.
“Chakotay!” Kathryn tried to get him to stop. “Chakotay!” The cry was more desperate.
Gretchen and Kathryn called together. “Chakotay!”
He stopped and let her feet drop to the floor. She gave him a jaundiced look. “No more spinning, for God’s sake, not unless you want a close encounter with morning sickness.”
“Oh Spirits, Kathryn, I’m sorry. Here.” He put his arm around her and set her back in the chair. “Can I get you anything? Are you warm enough? Maybe you should go and lie down? I’ll call the Doctor.” He turned to leave the kitchen but Kathryn grabbed his arm.
“Whoa, there. I’m fine. I’m snug and warm, I don’t need to lie down and the Doctor will be here shortly, I’ll see him then. How about you sit for a minute. To be honest, you don’t look much better than me.” She swept his hair from his face and smiled at him. “Are you okay?”
He shook his head and grinned. “Okay? I’m ecstatic. How about you?”
“Apart from the nausea, I’m over the moon.” She turned to her mother. “Mom, you got your wish. Number four grandchild is on the way.” Kathryn’s face was split by a huge grin. She couldn’t have been happier and now that the tea and toast had settled her stomach, she was ready to face the day.
And what a day it was. There was laughter and tears of joy. The crew were so happy to be back together again, and as had become the tradition, Tuvok began the Prixin celebration with the well known salutation. The crowd hushed as he stood, looking very regal in his Vulcan robes, with T’Pel by his side. The words today held profound meaning for all who were gathered.
“We do not stand alone. We are in the arms of family. Father, mother, sister, brother, father’s father, father’s mother, father’s brother, mother’s brother, father’s sister, mother’s sister….” He looked around at the gathered crew and quirked his brow. “You are all familiar with the list.” There was a chuckle from the crowd. Tuvok continued. “We gather on this day to extol the warmth and joy of those unshakable bonds. Without them, we could not call ourselves complete. On this day, we are thankful to be together. We do not stand alone and we remember those of our family who are far away, but with us in spirit.”
Kathryn lifted her glass. “Hear, hear. To family.” She stood by Chakotay’s side and looked around the room at all her friends and family. Her hand drifted down to her belly where a small life was growing, another member of this diverse and wondrous family, who had forged their bonds in the fires of the Delta Quadrant. Tuvok met her gaze and a ghost of a smile crinkled at the corner of his eyes as he gave her a brusque nod. The Vulcan’s gaze then shifted to Chakotay where he repeated the gesture. Chakotay nodded solemnly in return. After all these years, at last there passed between them a sense of understanding and closure. In that small gesture Tuvok handed that baton of Kathryn’s care to Chakotay and they were at last family.
The Voyagers were home.
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Kathryn’s hand drifted down to her belly and stroked the small life that was growing within her. She smiled at the familiar faces of her crew as they mingled and laughed with one another.
She cast her eyes over the crowd. There was the Doctor. She waved to him. He tapped his arm as one would if they were asking for the time. Kathryn knew what he meant. She was overdue for her check-up. It was only a matter of days, but she would see him tomorrow. Anything to appease the good Doctor. Tom and B’Elanna were huddled in the corner of the room with Harry and Libby. Tuvok and T’Pel were sitting with her mother, Phoebe and her husband. The children were running through the tables and darting in and out of the doorways of the marquee. As she was standing there smiling an arm stole around her shoulders and pulled her close.
“Hello there. How are you feeling? Not too tired?”
She smiled and looked at her husband. “No. It’s just so wonderful to see everyone again. I was thinking we should do this more often. Once a year just doesn’t seem enough.”
Chakotay looked at her and shook his head. “You’re a glutton for punishment, but I know how you feel. I miss them too.”
There was an ear piercing squeal and two little arms wrapped themselves around Kathryn’s legs. “Hide me, Mommy.” Miral and Willie Baxter skidded to a halt in front of them and grinned up at her and Chakotay. Miral tapped the small girl on the shoulder. “Taya, you’re it.” And then they took off in amongst the tables again.
Taya Janeway looked up at her mother with a frown. “You didn’t hide me. Now I’m ‘it’. I hate being ‘it’.”
Kathryn smiled, bent down and kissed her daughter’s curly black head. “You’ve got to take your turn, Taya. It’s part of the game.” Kathryn pointed over at the side of the tent. “But I can see Jed Chapman over there. Why don’t you sneak up on him?”
The bright blue eyes sparkled and the little face, so like her own, grinned up at her. “If I’m really sneaky….” She wriggled away from her mother, and then turned back and quickly gave her a peck on the cheek. “I’m gonna get him.” She waved. “Bye, Daddy.”
They watched as the curly mop wended its way through the tables to ambush an unsuspecting Jed.
The five years since they’d arrived home had flown. Their numbers had grown, many of the crew had married since they’d arrived home, a good number of them to other members of the crew. It seemed that it wasn’t only Kathryn and Chakotay who had waited.
Kathryn had had no idea there were so many couples aboard the ship during their time in the Delta Quadrant. It was a veritable love boat.
When she’d realised just how many of her crew were in committed relationships, she’d asked Chakotay what he thought about it and why so few had married while they were out there.
He’d shrugged. “Probably the same reason as us. Life was tenuous. Who knew what was around the corner, and having families under those conditions was a big risk. I think many just wanted the stability of being home before they took that step.”
She’d agreed, and was again so grateful to Admiral Janeway for getting them all home in time.
A hush came over the crowd as Tuvok stepped forward. It was time for the salutation. All the children sat at his feet. He’d become a favourite uncle to all the new Voyagers. Tom tapped on the side of a glass to get everyone’s attention, then smiled as B’Elanna handed him their newborn son. All eyes were on their Vulcan friend and with a nod from Kathryn, he began. “Welcome to our Prixin celebration. We do not stand alone…….