Summary:For Amandal557 on her birthday. Set towards the end of season seven during the episode, Author, Author. A piece of somewhat gratuitous smut immortalising Amanda’s sentiment that Chakotay should have just ‘stuck it in’ somewhere along the line. Happy Birthday, mate.
Disclaimer: CBS/Paramount owns everything. No infringement intended.
Chakotay peered into the dimly lit mess hall. He could hear Kathryn’s whispered voice coming from somewhere within the shadowed room.
She was probably sitting there cursing Starfleet and/or the Doctor. The last few days, while dealing with Starfleet and the doctor’s bid for sentience, she’d been beyond annoyed and he had rarely seen her so frustrated and out of sorts. He had an inkling that it had a lot to do with Starfleet’s stonewalling and her powerlessness to do anything about it. The double talk and equivocating was also a reminder of what was in store for them when they got home. Out here there tended to be more of a ‘shoot first, ask questions later’ type of diplomacy, but he supposed they’d best get used to it. Now that they were in contact with the Alpha Quadrant and Starfleet, life was going to get a little more complicated. They were all of a sudden answerable to a higher power and he could understand Kathryn’s frustration. No doubt she’d come to hide herself away and deal with it on her own. He just wanted to check that she was all right.
As he got closer he could hear what she was saying, but it didn’t make much sense. “Structure, logic, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control.”
He found her, hiding in the darkest corner of the room. She had her back to the door and, was concentrating on something in front of her. He couldn’t see what it was, and moved up quietly behind her. It looked like she was building something with blocks.
He spoke quietly, close to her right ear. “What are you doing, Kathryn?”
“Arrgh!” She jumped and the blocks tumbled into a pile in front of her. Kathryn smacked the table with her hand. “Shit! Chakotay!” Then turned and glared at him. “That was my structure of harmony. Thank you, very much.”
Chakotay peered over her shoulder at the pile of blocks on the table. “It doesn’t look terribly harmonious.”
“What a surprise.” She gave him a withering look. “You scared me half to death.” She started gathering the blocks into a pile in front of her. “So much for refining my mental control, focusing my thoughts and bringing harmony. All I want to do is punch you.” She shrugged and gave him a sideways glance and finished dryly. “Well, I suppose that’s focussed.”
Chakotay tried to look chastened but it didn’t really work. “Sorry.”
Rolling her eyes, Kathryn’s mouth twisted into a half smile. “It’s okay. I wasn’t really having much luck with it anyway.”
“What is it? If you don’t mind me asking.” He slid into the seat opposite.
“It’s a Keethara.”
Chakotay was none the wiser. “And…?”
“It’s a Vulcan thing. A meditational aid. Tuvok thought I could use some help.” Kathryn shrugged. “It was a nice thought, but I don’t think Tuvok really understands how my mind works.”
A voice inside Chakotay’s head answered that with a ‘who did’ but he was wise enough not to voice that out loud. He was fascinated with all the different shaped blocks though. “What are you supposed to do?”
“Well, you’re supposed to close your eyes and centre yourself… the trouble is, when I do, all I can think of is all the work I should be doing and the fact that I’m dying for a cup of coffee. I’m surprised I didn’t build a coffee cup with the blocks or a giant coffee bean.”
Chakotay chuckled and prompted. “So you close your eyes, get centred and then what?”
“You chant. ‘Structure, logic, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control.’ Over and over again and, while you’re doing that, you place the blocks into a structure of sorts.”
“What’s it supposed to look like?”
“I don’t think it’s supposed to look like anything. What did Tuvok say?… Oh yes. It is supposed to reflect the state of the builder’s mind.”
The both looked at the pile of rubble on the table, then looked up at each other and burst out laughing. Kathryn leant across the table and slapped him lightly on the arm. “All right, I admit. My mind’s a shambles. I’d like to see you do better.”
Chakotay looked at the blocks. “I wouldn’t mind giving it a try.”
Kathryn went to stand up. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then.”
“No, don’t go. Stay. I can meditate with you there. I’ve had lots of practice, don’t forget.”
“Are you sure?”
Chakotay grinned. “Of course. Besides, I want to show you how harmoniously structured I am.”
Kathryn blinked twice at that, thinking to herself that, yes, he was, very harmoniously structured. His structure was something she contemplated quite often. She gave herself and internal slap. No wonder she couldn’t concentrate on the Keethara, her mind was always going off on tangents. She was like a ditzy blonde at the meditation ball.
To cover her discomfort, she sat back and waved a hand over the blocks. “Help yourself. I’ll be interested to see what you come up with.”
He gave her a grin. “You’re going to have to help. I don’t know the chant.”
Kathryn, nodded and then leaned forward and watched as he closed his eyes. His face relaxed and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. His lashes rested on his cheeks and she studied his face. Tattoo, strong nose, sensual lips, oh yes, harmonious indeed. Suddenly one of his eyes opened a crack and she jumped as he whispered. “Kathryn, the chant?”
She quickly averted her gaze. “Oh, ummm.” He’d caught her staring and now she was trying to cover her embarrassment. Glancing up she was relieved to see that he’d closed both eyes again and, after a deep breath, she started the chant. “Structure, logic, control. A structure cannot stand without a foundation. Logic is the foundation of function. Function is the essence of control. I am in control. I am in control.”
Chakotay joined in and together they chanted in a steady mesmerising rhythm. Kathryn’s eyes were watching his mouth as his lips moved, and as she stared, her eyes slowly closed and in the shadowed quiet of the messhall, together they built their structure of harmony.
Time meant nothing and with his voice melding with hers Kathryn became lost in a slow swirl of contentment and peace. She wasn’t sure how much later it was when her eyes drifted open, but she looked up and found Chakotay staring at her, his eyes filled with love and joy. It took her breath away and looking down she found their hands lying in either side of their construct, fingers entwined, as if embracing what they had built.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
There was a sound and Kathryn looked up to see Tuvok emerge from the darkness. He spoke quietly so as not to shatter the peace of the moment. “Captain, I came to see how you were progressing with your meditations and I am gratified to see that you have taken my lesson to heart. I congratulate you and the Commander on creating a structure of such innate harmony and accord, that I do not think I have seen anything quite like it before.”
Kathryn slid her fingers from Chakotay’s and gripped the edge of the table, looking down at what they’d done. It was beautiful. There was no doubt about that. With the rubble of different shaped blocks, together they’d built a shining palace. Each block placed in perfect harmony with the next and, not only something of beauty, but also of strength and fortitude. Kathryn looked up at Chakotay again. He was smiling gently at her but all she felt like doing was crying. This was a representation of them, Kathryn and Chakotay, the Captain and the Commander. It was all their personas encapsulated into this one intricate and elaborate creation of beauty. She didn’t know what to do and even less what to say, so she stood up and, after a nod to Tuvok and a worried glance at Chakotay, she left the room.
The two men watched her leave and Kathryn could feel their eyes on her as she high tailed it out of the mess hall, berating herself silently as she fled. What a fool she’d been. Fancy doing something like that and in the mess hall of all places, where anyone could have come in and found them. Who was to say that someone hadn’t? How would she and Chakotay have known? They were all but oblivious to their surroundings. Off in their harmonious la-la land, thanks to Tuvok and his meditational aids. Damn it all to hell.
She’d reached the lift and was almost at the point of banging her head against the wall, when she pictured the block construct that they’d made together. It really was something to behold, and to have impressed Tuvok was a feat in itself. Instead of hitting her head, she leant heavily against the wall, her shoulder banging hard against the bulkhead.
Why did it all have to be so difficult? She loved him and he loved her… that was obvious, but they couldn’t do anything about it, because… because…. Kathryn slowly pushed away from the wall and stood up straight. A frown creased her brow. Why couldn’t she do anything about it? What were the reasons? Mark was no longer in the picture. He’d married and probably had children by now and she honestly hadn’t thought about him in years. There were no rules or regulations forbidding relationships between crewmates, even those in ranking positions. It was frowned upon in some circles, but only because it was an ancient precept from the armed forces that had found its way down through the centuries and into the folklore of Starfleet. It was hokum and Kathryn couldn’t imagine, particularly in their circumstances, that there would be anyone in Starfleet who would frown upon her having a relationship with someone on board Voyager. They were their own little community, a village in space, and their choice of life partners was somewhat limited.
Besides, they still had at least thirty years of travel ahead of them. Were they all going to remain single and celibate for that time? It was a ludicrous scenario. In truth, she owed it to the mental and physical well being of her crew, to set an example and settle into a monogamous and loving relationship. It was the only sensible thing to do.
If that was the case, what the hell was she doing then? Running away from what might be the best and only chance for happiness she’d have out here in the god forsaken quadrant. She wasn’t a stupid woman, far from it, but as far as Chakotay was concerned she seemed to be a prized imbecile.
Without another thought, Kathryn spun on her heel and headed back to the mess hall. As she rounded the corner she ran almost headlong into Tuvok. He raised his brow but she wasn’t in the mood for explaining anything just at the moment. Tuvok, however had other ideas. He placed his hand on her shoulder, holding her in place. She looked up at her old friend and he studied her face for several seconds. Obviously satisfied with what he saw, he nodded towards the mess hall doors. “He is still there.”
Kathryn heaved a sigh. “Thank you, Tuvok.”
She stepped away from the Vulcan and strode confidently towards the mess hall doors, but heard Tuvok giving instructions. “Computer, lock mess hall doors after the captain enters.”
Kathryn glanced up the corridor and smiled at her old friend, then stepped over the threshold.
Chakotay was still sitting at the table, but he was now facing the viewport, his profile lit by the dim light of the passing stars. He didn’t look happy. Kathryn wasn’t surprised.
Sliding into the seat opposite, she waited until he turned towards her before she spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right, Kathryn. I know. It just seems such a waste, that’s all.” He waved his hand over the intricate design that they’d created. “We really are something together.”
She had to agree, it was rather spectacular. “I’m sorry that I ran away. It was rude of me. I should have stayed and explained myself. I’m still something of a coward where my heart is concerned.”
Chakotay huffed a small laugh, and looked towards the viewport again. “Kathryn Janeway and coward don’t really fit in the same sentence. You’re not a coward, Kathryn. You just have your rules and principles and you abide by them. I can’t fault you for that. But time is marching on and I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.”
Kathryn stared at him, her eyes like saucers. Was he telling her what she thought he was telling her? God, that made no sense but she knew what she meant and it terrified her.
She hadn’t realised how the mere thought of him moving on and finding love elsewhere would affect her. What if he did it? How would she deal with that? Not very well, if the rising tide of panic was anything to go by. But she didn’t want to appear to capitulate so easily to what was tantamount to a threat. Fear gave way to anger and she pushed her chair away from the table. “Are you giving me an ultimatum, Chakotay? Either I fall into bed with you, or you’ll look elsewhere? Well, happy hunting.” She stood up and bumped the table in her haste. Their beautiful creation tumbled and fell to ruins. He stood up and stared at her. She looked down at the table again. “Oh, God. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I…” It looked just like it had when she’d tried to construct it on her own. A shambles. Well, if that wasn’t the fates telling her what was what? You couldn’t get a more blatant sign than that.
Kathryn slumped back into her chair but Chakotay remained standing. Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned her head to look out at the passing stars, unable to look at him while she confessed. “You know, I came back in here to tell you that I loved you and that I would like to spend the rest of my life with you. I know how to spoil a moment, don’t I?” She shook her head, then looked down at her hands and worried at her fingernail with her thumb. “I’m sorry, Chakotay. You might be better off with someone else. I’m hard work and likely to drive you to drink.”
This was met with silence, so she looked up at him. He was standing there with his arms folded across his chest, mirroring her and he was shaking his head. “Kathryn Janeway, you are a damned nightmare. Did you know that?”
Kathryn gave him an exasperated look. “Well, I just told you as much. So, yes, I do know, thank you very much.” She glared at him for a long moment and then challenged. “So what are you going to do about it?”
Tension filled the air around them and Kathryn could barely breathe due of the sense of impending… something. She blinked and that slight movement was enough. It was like he was shot out of a canon. In an instant Chakotay was in front of her, hauling her out of her seat, and holding her tight against him with one arm. He swept his other arm across the table and Kathryn watched wide eyed as the blocks flew half way across the mess hall. In almost the same movement, he lifted her and sat her on the edge of the table and started pulling off her clothes. He didn’t look at her, and spoke through gritted teeth. “What I’m going to do about it, Kathryn, is make you mine. Right this minute. No more delays, no more pretty stories or vague references to how we feel. You are mine, I am yours and, so no one else will ever question it again, we are going to make love, right here, right now.”
Kathryn’s eyes lit up with laughter and she grinned at him. “Good.” Then batted his fumbling hands away and began to take off her own clothes. Chakotay stilled and stared at her. She looked up at his shocked face. “Okay, so you weren’t the only one thinking of doing this.” She had her jacket off and her tee, she was just pulling her tank over her head when it was reefed from her hands and Chakotay pulled her to him and slammed his lips on hers. Kathryn, kissed him back with equal enthusiasm and, at the same time, began to wrestle his jacket from his body.
He was trying to undo her bra but wasn’t having much luck so he pulled his mouth away from hers and growled. “Damnit, woman, stop wriggling.”
Kathryn burst out laughing and pushed him away from her. “Okay, the most efficient way to do this is to remove our own clothes. Not as romantic but just at the moment speed is of the essence. Hop to it, Commander.”
His face split into a broad grin and he shook his head as he chuckled, but his demeanour changed in an instant when Kathryn removed her bra and tossed it over her shoulder with a flourish. He stared at her breasts for several heartbeats and then looked up into her eyes. “Beautiful.”
Kathryn looked down at her chest and shrugged. “If you say so.” Chakotay opened his mouth to say something more, but she slid off the table and started undoing her pants, kicking her boots off at the same time.
He decided he would have time later to wax lyrical about her breasts, now there were more important things to do and he jolted into action and began hauling off his clothes. She was already naked and stood watching him as he fumbled with the last pieces of his uniform, stumbling around as he tried to pull off his boots with his pants around his ankles. He huffed at her as he hopped on one foot. “I’ll get better at this I promise.”
Kathryn grinned and put her hands on her hips. “I wouldn’t love you so much if you were too slick, Commander. Just go at your own pace.” Then she burst out laughing as he flung his shoes over his shoulders as she’d done with her bra but cringed as they hit a couple of tables, knocking Neelix’s floral displays and condiments flying.
The both looked at the mess and Chakotay grimaced. “Ooops.” Turning back, he stepped out of his pants and stood in front of her naked and aroused. “I’ll clean it up later.”
Kathryn nodded but, to be honest, she couldn’t have cared less. She just wanted to make love.
They stood about two feet from one another, just looking. Kathryn noticed vaguely that her breathing had become faster and she couldn’t help licking her lips as her eyes travelled over his body, coming to rest on his erection. Delicious, delectable, delightful, divine, devastating. She shook herself. She was having some sort of alliteration short circuit, but all she really wanted was to have him inside her. Normally she was a patient woman, well, that was somewhat of an overstatement, but all this standing around was driving her insane. Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, she looked up into his eyes and almost melted on the spot. He was smouldering. It seemed so corny to even think that, but his eyes were drilling into her and she felt a gush of moisture and a twinge in her clitoris just looking at him. The suspense was killing her and she just wished he’d do something.
Her wish was answered in the next breath. Taking one step forward he placed his hands around her waist and lifted her onto the table again, and bent over to latch onto her breasts. His mouth was hot and hungry as it nipped and suckled at her burning nipples. First one and then the other and then back again. His hands weren’t idle either. They were stroking up her thighs, his thumbs teasing at the edge of her folds.
Pulling her legs wide, she tried to encourage him to touch her where she desperately wanted him, but he continued skirting around the edges, forcing her to push towards him and moan – partly in frustration but mostly in want. And God, did she want him.
Kathryn lay back on the table. The cold of the artificial surface was in stark contrast to the heat of the rest of her body and as she fell back, she pulled Chakotay with her. She smiled to herself. That was better. At least now he was lying over her and while he was still preoccupied with her breasts, she wound her hand down between their bodies and cupped his testicles, squeezing gently then moving her hand to his shaft and stroking it. He felt hot and ready in her hand. Thick and heavy. Wriggling down the table, so her bottom was just on the edge, she pulled him towards her and holding his shaft in her hand she rubbed the tip along her folds, pressing him hard into her clitoris and arching up towards him.
His hands were still stroking her, but she could tell that he was losing concentration. The steady slow pace, he had so diligently been maintaining, was becoming more and more erratic, but he was still driving her to distraction and the more she tried to pull him into her, the more he teased and pulled away. She was losing patience fast.
Her clit was throbbing, her insides were fluttering, if he didn’t do something soon, she was going to come and he’d miss the whole thing. She pressed him against her clitoris again and groaned, then growled as he pulled away again. “For pities sake, Chakotay, enough already. Stick it in me, please.”
Chakotay pulled back for a split second and stared at her. Kathryn was ready to beg, but with shake of his head and a grin he complied. Holding her hips, he hoisted her in the air and with one firm push, he plunged into her.
Kathryn arched off the table, opening her mouth in a silent scream. Chakotay’s hands held her firmly as he withdrew and then pushed into her again, pulling out almost completely then thrusting into her. Kathryn clawed at him, finally finding purchase by gripping his shoulders and pulling herself close to him. She wanted to kiss him and as she pressed her lips to his, his hands slid around to hold her bottom and he thrust into her again and again. It was wanton and frenzied but so, so satisfying. Kathryn could feel her orgasm boiling up from her toes. It was going to be loud and indecorous, she could feel it already. Chakotay was grunting in her ear, she couldn’t tell if they were words of love or cursing, but she really didn’t care. Her focus was centred on the feel of him inside her and her impending climax.
Chakotay began to falter, his steady rhythm giving way to staggered jolts and thrusts. She could feel him lengthen within her and gripping his shoulders she felt her orgasm begin. She drew a deep breath, and like a tidal wave the sensations drew back ready for the surge and then they hit. Crashing over her and pounding her into oblivion. Was that her crying out? She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that the pulsing and throbbing was centred deep inside her. The grip, the pull and the fullness were her focus and she didn’t ever want it to end. Through the roar in her ears, she heard Chakotay yell that he was coming and the pulsing was joined by the heat of his orgasm as he filled her. After what seemed like forever, she finally felt her muscles relax and she fell against Chakotay’s chest, breathing hard, the soft judders of aftershocks clenching at him as he softened inside her.
Chakotay hugged her to him and kissed her neck, her cheeks, her eyes and then her mouth. A tender, wet kiss. Their tongues entwining as they revelled in the languid afterglow of their love making. Kathryn sighed. There really wasn’t anything she could say. It had been close to perfect and she’d never had better. So instead she just held him and wished that they never had to get dressed and leave here. Eventually he slid from her and with the cooling trickle of their love on her thighs, Kathryn raised her head and smiled at Chakotay.
He cupped the side of her face and kissed her lips sweetly. He pulled back but was obviously having trouble not laughing. “‘Stick it in me’? Kathryn Janeway?”
She had the good grace to blush. “Well, you were taking so damn long. What’s a girl to do?”
Chakotay couldn’t help but laugh. “And here I was focussing on harmony and inner control and you tell me to ‘stick it in you’.” He moved his face close to hers. “God, I love you, woman. Don’t you dare change.”
Kathryn shrugged. “Not much chance of that happening, not after all these years. Oh, and I love you too, but I guess you knew that.”
“I had figured. It’s not everyday that I’m told to ‘stick it in’”
Kathryn whacked him on the arm. “You’re not going to let me forget that are you?”
“Not on you life.”
She gave him a jaundiced look. “Well, go easy. If you ever want to ‘stick it in’ again.”
Chakotay grinned and kissed her. “I love you.”
Kathryn’s mouth twisted into a grin. “Good.”
He hoisted her into his arms and kissed her soundly, then whispered in her ear. “We’d better get moving before someone works out how to override the lock and gets the fright of their life.”
Kathryn reluctantly slid down his body and as her toes touched the floor she stepped away from him. “We’ll clean up here and then head to my quarters… our quarters.” She looked at him questioningly. “Does that meet with your approval, Commander?”
“Your command is my wish, Captain.” He picked up her panties off the floor. “These are yours, I presume.”
“Well, if they’re yours, you have some explaining to do.”
He grinned as he pulled on his boxers and pants. Getting dressed was a whole lot more graceful than getting undressed, but there wasn’t the urgency, just the complication of trying to find items of clothing in the dark.
They took a few minutes to clean up the mess they’d made, replacing the flowers on the tables and moping up the spills. They gathered the Keethara blocks together in the bag that Tuvok had given Kathryn and on her order the doors unlocked. Side by side they strolled out of the mess hall to their quarters.
It was bedlam in Kathryn’s quarters the next morning. She and Chakotay had spent most of the night making love, only dropping into an exhausted sleep in the early hours of the morning. Subsequently they’d both overslept and were now in the process of tag teaming for the bathroom. Showering together was not an option if they wanted to get to the bridge before lunch time. So the minute Kathryn was finished, Chakotay leapt in and within ten minutes they were ready to walk out the door.
They strode onto the bridge together and after their good mornings and the reports, they settled into the daily routine.
Kathryn retired to her ready room to look over reports and prepare for the afternoon’s communication with Starfleet. Chakotay joined her for coffee and a brief rundown just as he always did. They’d just finished going over the strategies for the Doctor’s arbitration hearing when the door chimed.
Kathryn looked up. “Come.” It was Tuvok. “Commander. What can we do for you?”
“Captain, Commander. May I be the first to congratulate you on your bonding, although it is not a surprise.”
Kathryn gave Chakotay a sideways glance. “Maybe not to you, but it was the last thing I expected when you gave me the bag of blocks yesterday.” She picked them up from beside the couch and handed them to Tuvok. “Thank you for the use of them, Tuvok.”
“You are most welcome, Captain.”
“Would you like a tea or coffee, Tuvok?” Chakotay stood up to move towards the replicator.
“No, thank you, Commander. I have something for you. Last night, just after I left, I instructed the computer to store the image of your Keethara and this morning I replicated a small three dimensional representation for you both.” With that he pulled his hand from behind his back and handed Kathryn a palm sized copy of their structure of harmony, their palace.
She looked up at her old friend and before he could move, she stood on tip toe and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, my friend. We shall treasure this.” Cursing her pale complexion, she tried unsuccessfully not to blush as she explained. “The original was accidentally destroyed.”
Tuvok raised his eyebrow and stared at them blandly. “I had surmised that it would most likely suffer an untimely demise. Hence my effort to preserve it.”
Kathryn frowned slightly. Thoughts of their love making last night, warming her even now. “Thank you. I think.”
Chakotay nodded his head toward the Vulcan. “Thank you, Tuvok.”
With a slight bow, Tuvok turned and strode out of the room.
Kathryn and Chakotay stared at the cast of their Keethara.
She placed it on the table so they could both see it as they worked. Cupping the side of his face, she kissed him gently. “Here’s to harmony.” And then she muttered under her breath as she turned away. “And sticking it in.”
The bridge crew all swung around and looked at each other with smiles as Chakotay’s laugh rumbled through the bulkheads.
Harmony ruled on the good ship Voyager.