Ezri helps Kathryn deal with the situation from Voyager of finding herself in another part of the galaxy and learning to work with a new First Officer.

 

Disclaimer:  I don’t own, or profit from, these characters or franchise.  No Copyright infringement is intended.

 

 

Ezri was ready for this session. A week before she and Kathryn had discussed the origin of Kathryn’s views on command. Now they were hopefully ready to discuss the early time on Voyager, and how having Chakotay as her First Officer impacted her. This could be a very good starting point, or it could bring out a lot of emotions that Ezri was sure that Kathryn was not quite ready to deal with. Unfortunately that was part of the process that had to happen sooner or later.

“Janeway to Dax.”

“Dax here. What’s the matter Kathryn?”

“I’m only running a few minutes behind. I should be there in about 15. That okay?”

“No problem. See you then. Dax out.”

Ordinarily Ezri was a stickler about punctuality as it showed, at least in her mind, how serious and committed the patient was to the counseling she offered. With Kathryn, however, she was more flexible. Kathryn was the head of several science divisions and with the constant influx of readings and the needed supervision for allocation of resources, her schedule was constantly changing. Ezri understood that and made adjustments in her thinking for Kathryn.

Ezri thought back on the previous session. Kathryn had realized, after some focused questioning, that her reversion to the more narrow command style after her time on the Stratos was more a result of her stubborn nature than a real acknowledgment of whether a particular way was right or not. The older woman’s background made for some interesting reading, and Ezri had called in some favors and had been given access to the classified portions of her file. Her time with the Cardassian’s when she had been captured along with Owen Paris had been the stuff of nightmares, but fortunately they had been rescued before she had been subjected to any torture. She had had to listen to Paris being tortured mercilessly, though. Ezri was certain that that had made a definite impact on a young Ensign Janeway.

Ping.

“Come in.”

Kathryn breezed in and took a seat. “Sorry I was late today, Ezri,” Kathryn said right off.

Ezri went to the replicator and ordered some strong coffee. She would like to have some Raktajino, but Kathryn did not like that particular coffee. It was odd considering her absolute love of coffee, but to each their own.

“No problem,” Ezri replied as she handed Kathryn a cup full of black coffee.

“So what do you want to talk about today?” Kathryn asked.

“I wanted to start talking about your time on Voyager when you first arrived in the Delta Quadrant,” Ezri told her. “How did you feel when you found out you were on the other side of the galaxy?”

Kathryn took a calming sip of her coffee as she remembered the moment in question. “Overwhelmed,” she said after a few silent seconds.

“In what way?”

“It’s hard to describe,” Kathryn replied. “I had just found out that fully a third of my crew were dead, including my First Officer and Chief Engineer. I hadn’t found out about the Chief Medical Officer yet. The ship was in a shambles, and here we were 75,000 light years from home. Add to that the fact that I’m a brand new Captain and I was, frankly, scared.”

“Did it show?”

Kathryn cocked her head. “I can’t be sure,” she admitted. “I hope not. Regardless of the views I held, a leader should be someone who can put on a positive face and give some hope to their charges. I guess I did alright since we managed to get through the ordeal.”

“Tell me about Commander Cavit,” Ezri requested.

“He was a capable officer,” Kathryn started. “He did have an annoying tendency to hold grudges to the point that he deliberately tried to make things difficult for Tom Paris when he first came aboard Voyager. I had to reprimand him over it. Frankly, he would not have been a very good First Officer in the Delta Quadrant. He would have resisted merging the crews at a minimum.”

“What about as a person?”

“I never had a chance to know him very well,” Kathryn responded. “That could be good or bad. From what I saw among the crew he was liked well enough.”

“What about Chakotay? What was he like when you first met him?”

Kathryn smiled as she recalled. “Angry. Bitter. He had his pride, though. He was worried about his missing crewman.”

“What did you know about him?”

“Mainly what was in his intelligence files and his service record.”

“And what was that?”

“In terms of his service record he was an outstanding officer who reached Captain before he was 30. A natural leader who had a very easy manner. His record also made specific mention of his tactical and strategic prowess. The Intelligence file, we now know, was a fabrication. He was made out to be a dangerous criminal who had violated Federation law by firing on Starfleet and civilian targets without provocation.”

“So you had a mixed view of him before meeting him?”

“Very. I took a chance, though, and asked if we could work together as I also had a missing crewman.” Kathryn stopped for a moment and privately remembered that time. She had been struck by the image on the screen and found him very attractive. “He agreed and beamed over with Mike Ayala and Tuvok. All three had phasers at the ready. That was when he found out that Tuvok was a plant and that Tom Paris was on the ship.”

“What was his reaction to that?”

Kathryn laughed. “He lunged for Tom wanting to kill him and I stopped him,” she recalled. “As for Tuvok, I’m not sure what his real reaction was. Chakotay respects people who carry out their duties and follow orders. I think he was angry that he had been deceived, but he respected that Tuvok was doing his job. I do know that while there was animosity between them for some time, there was also a grudging respect between the two.”

Ezri had another question on that. “How did you stop Chakotay from killing Tom Paris?” she asked.

“Call me foolhardy, but I stepped in front of Chakotay and placed my hand on his chest,” Kathryn replied. “I told him that Tom Paris was a part of my crew and was not to be harmed by anyone.”

“That probably had a calming effect on the crew,” Ezri observed.

“I never really thought of it like that,” came the admission. “At that point, I was only wanting to find Harry Kim and to honor the truce that Chakotay and I had agreed upon to accomplish that.

“Let’s move forward a bit to when you made Chakotay your First Officer,” Ezri nudged. “How did that come about?”

“From a purely logistical standpoint, I needed his help to adequately man Voyager,” Kathryn began. “There was no way that the Maquis from his ship would willingly agree to become part of Voyager’s crew unless Chakotay had a position of authority. Tuvok pointed out that we had little choice. In addition to that I would have been a fool not to take advantage of the much greater command experience that Chakotay had, especially as a Captain.”

“But it wasn’t easy to reach an agreement,” Ezri surmised.

“No it wasn’t,” Kathryn nodded. “He was angry, and justifiably so, at the entire institution of Starfleet. He had never fired upon civilian or Federation targets unless in self defense, but that didn’t mean he had any respect left for them.”

“What made him finally agree to be your First Officer?”

“He argued long and hard about finding a place to colonize as it didn’t make sense to spend the rest of our lives, in all likelihood, trying to get home,” Kathryn revealed. She had never told anyone of that, and had not put it in her logs, personal or official. To her knowledge Chakotay had never discussed it or placed it in his logs, either.

“It was a reasonable position to take,” Ezri pointed out.

“I know that now,” Kathryn admitted. “At the time I was only interested in making it possible for the crew to get home to their families. I was the one who had made the decision to destroy the Caretaker in the first place.”

“But didn’t Chakotay support that decision?” Ezri asked.

“Only that I had the right to make that call,” Kathryn pointed out. “When B’Elanna demanded to know what gave me the right to decide that, he told her ‘Because she’s the Captain’. Hardly a ringing endorsement of the decision, but at least it showed he respected the office of Captain.” She paused for a moment as she, not for the first time, thanked whatever deities might exist for having given Chakotay such a level of integrity. “After we debated the issue for most of an hour, and it was not a harmonious discussion, I finally asked if he really felt that it was right to stake the fate of almost 100 innocent people all on the selfish whims of a little over 40.”

Ezri raised a brow. “That was a low blow,” she observed.

“I know,” Kathryn agreed. “But I didn’t have anything left to argue with. He was a skilled debater, and the more logical arguments were all on his side.”

“So he finally agreed to be your First Officer,” Ezri concluded for her. “How did you feel after the decision and he left your Ready Room?”

“I had won the battle, but I knew I had not played fair,” Kathryn admitted. “I felt like I had traded my objectivity to get what I wanted. As a result, I think that was when I began to become a bit more insulated from the crew.”

Ezri mentally made a note to bring that up again in a future session when she dealt with Kathryn’s distance, and the depressions that occurred.

“What about the mutual attraction?” Ezri asked with a small smile. They were talking about command, and this issue was one of the major aspects of that command on Voyager.

“Oh God,” Kathryn leaned back. “You would have to ask me about that.”

“Sorry,” Ezri chuckled. “All part of the job. Plus, I am pretty curious about it.”

“You and just about everyone else in the Alpha Quadrant,” Kathryn rejoined.

“Look at it from our perspective, Kathryn,” Ezri pressed. “You’ve admitted all along that there was a mutual attraction. Can you blame anyone for being curious as to how you justified keeping him at arms length all that time out there?”

Kathryn sighed deeply. “No,” she grudgingly admitted. “I guess my discomfort over the subject is why I’ve been needing counseling.”

“Partly,” Ezri confirmed. “But you also have begun to realize since you all returned home that what you thought of as iron clad rules for command, in actuality are nothing more than suggestions, and in the case of Voyager rather bad ones. That, added to conflicting notions of command, have made being an Admiral much more difficult to emotionally accept. I want to explore the years on Voyager from the perspective of the one who made the decisions that caused you the most regret.”

“My perspective.”

“That’s right,” Ezri confirmed. “So about the attraction? Did it affect your initial thinking at all?”

“Definitely,” Kathryn nodded with a small smile of her own. “I considered my engagement over since there was little likelihood that we would be returning home anytime soon. And then I have this incredible male specimen as my right hand in running Voyager.” Kathryn chuckled. “Did you know I fantasized about him the night after I made him my First Officer?”

“Really?” Ezri grinned.

“I pictured him in a loin cloth with a spear,” Kathryn laughed. “God I hope he never finds out about that one. It’s so stereotypical.”

“You should hear about some of the fantasies that Jadzia had about Commander Worf before they were married,” Ezri told her.

Kathryn held up her hand. “I think I’ll pass,” she told the younger woman. Kathryn could imagine what a woman drawn to Klingons would imagine. She didn’t dislike Klingons, but their extremely aggressive nature, and brutal ways were a big turn off for her.

“So what was your reaction to having fantasized about him?”

“I was shocked, and I couldn’t look at him the next day,” Kathryn revealed. “I was not sure how to handle it. Of course it was purely lust at that point, but it was still powerful.”

“You decided to hide behind the command mask,” Ezri input.

“To a degree,” Kathryn replied. “I had to balance being a commanding officer with becoming acquainted with a new crew and the complexities of that crew. He was compelling, though. I could talk to him, though I somehow didn’t trust him yet, at least not fully. He was so damn confrontational.”

“You should have expected that from a person with his experience as a Starfleet Captain and a Maquis Captain,” Ezri put in.

“I should have, but I chalked it up to him challenging my authority,” Kathryn said sheepishly.

“Did anything bring it to a head?” Ezri questioned.

“He recommended B’Elanna Torres for Chief Engineer right after she had punched Joe Carey in the nose instead of sending her to the brig,” Kathryn recalled. “Right before he made the recommendation he had called down to Engineering and asked for her opinion instead of Carey’s on something. I called him to my Ready Room and told him off about being presumptuous in asking her when no Chief Engineer had been decided upon yet. Carey was the senior officer.”

“He didn’t react well to what you said,” Ezri surmised.

“No,” Kathryn said bluntly. “He informed me in no uncertain terms that he would not allow me to make him the ‘token’ Maquis officer and that while he had been trying to make this as smooth as possible for me, I was not making it easy.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him I couldn’t make it easy. God I was so naive! I was so damn uptight about proper order and procedure! Here we were in an unknown region of space and in a crisis and I was more worried about propriety than getting the job done. Then he said he wanted me to consider Torres as the Chief Engineer. I said she should be in the Brig for what she had done that morning.” Kathryn paused. “I didn’t know until much later that I had really shown my insecurities and a lot of immaturity with that whole confrontation. He left the Ready Room and I spent a lot of time thinking. Not about the problem of Chief Engineer, but more about what I had gotten myself into with such a First Officer. I was, at the time, regretting the loss of Cavit.”

“Why?”

Kathryn pulled up one leg and wrapped her arms around the knee while looking at Ezri, her chin resting on the knee.

“I was a new Captain facing something that no one had before,” she confided. “I wanted things as smooth as possible so I could focus on what I felt were the most important things. Cavit would have followed my lead no matter what, but Chakotay was confrontational and it made me side track my thinking to a myriad of other concerns. It made me angry, and also made me feel horribly inadequate, especially when I saw him calm as could be handling any number of things at the same time.”

“Have you ever seen his assessment of you from his official logs?” Ezri asked.

Kathryn looked startled. She had never seen his logs, official or otherwise. Even when she’d had the opportunity to do so, she had avoided it. His opinion of her meant a great deal in her mind, and seeing some of the things he no doubt put down at various times would probably be shattering to her already fragile emotions.

“No, I haven’t,” she admitted.

Ezri passed over a PADD. “I’d like you to read these entries from his First Officer’s Log dealing with that first few weeks,” she told Kathryn.

Kathryn took the PADD and turned it on. She knew better than to decline, as Ezri was extremely persistent.

 

“First Officer’s Log, Stardate 51239.7

“I had my first real confrontation with Captain Janeway this morning. I admit to having pressed several points during the confrontation, bordering on insubordination while debating the points, but she needed to be given a bit of a wake up regarding the situation that Voyager has found itself in. I need to know just how much she can actually handle since reality doesn’t fit into neat little problem constructs. This entry will constitute my assessment of Captain Janeway as a commanding officer.

“As a new Captain with her first command, I am inclined to view her positively. She has dealt with the admittedly overwhelming circumstances of our arrival in the Delta Quadrant with dispassion and an eagerness to succeed that I have found rare in most ships captain’s during my career. In handling members of the crew she is firm, but eminently fair, expecting a high degree of excellence. The original Starfleet crew has responded well, and the crew from my ship have adjusted well, and some have even come to me and expressed admiration of her. There are some malcontents among my former crew, but they are the exception, not the rule.

“As with almost any new Captain, she has a tendency to view regulations and formalism more rigidly than would be desired, especially considering that we will probably be trying to reach home for a number of years. I believe, though, that she has the ability to grow and adapt, which will make her a very good, if not superb, Captain.

“My only concern at this point is that she displays an impulsive streak that could lead to trouble at some point. I hope that I won’t have to use the authority inherent in the position of First Officer and step in to stop any action that will place the crew in danger beyond what can be considered acceptable, but I will do so if necessary.

“One last observation. I don’t know what thought process led to Janeway’s command of this mission to find and arrest me and my crew, but it was an excellent choice. I can’t think of any other command officer that I know of who could have handled the extreme circumstances that we find ourselves confronted with as well as she has. I consider myself fortunate indeed to have her for a commanding officer. End log entry.”

 

Kathryn didn’t respond, but instead went to the next entry that was apparently dated a few months later.

 

“First Officer’s Log, Stardate 51736.9,

“I am increasingly impressed with Janeway’s performance as Captain of Voyager. She has not altered her almost slavish adherence to the formalism I mentioned early on, but it is early days yet. Her grasp of tactics and strategy is improving, and she knows her limitations. I have recommended some extra study to supplement her knowledge on the subject, which she has accepted. I guess my background as Professor of Advanced Tactics affords me that latitude.

“My only real criticism at this point is her almost zealous distance from the crew. I have never agreed with all of the talk about command distance and ‘protocol’ but it is her command. I only hope that she loosens up enough so that she does not become an automaton of sorts. It’s early enough in this incredible journey that I am not overly concerned at this point, though.

“Something is gnawing at me, however. For some time, I have had the impression that she is keeping pertinent information from me, and that is a dangerous precedent to set. In order for this command relationship to work, there can be no secrets. As a fellow Captain in Starfleet, despite my voluntary, and temporary, grade reduction to Commander, I know the classified regulations and issues that all Captains are let in on. I will have to address this soon if I am to be able to continue to function as her First Officer. I will not allow myself to be left in the dark. Too many peoples lives are at stake if something were to happen that I could have prevented if I had known what was going on. End log entry.”

 

Ezri could see that Kathryn was slightly agitated while reading the entries, particularly the second one. She was curious as to why, especially in light of the rather good assessment that Chakotay had given of Kathryn professionally. She had her suspicions, but wanted to see if Kathryn was seeing the same things she was.

“Something wrong?”

Kathryn shook her head. “Not really,” she sighed. “I guess it’s just a bit difficult to see reduced to writing ones primary faults.”

“Was he accurate in your opinion?”

“Almost too accurate,” Kathryn sighed. She noticed that Chakotay had done what had not been done yet in her time as Captain. It was standard practice to have a Captain’s Review of new Captain’s once they had a ship to command done by a fellow Captain. The review would become part of their permanent record and future discussions about promotions and assignments would be based on performance reviews that use that original review as a template to determine growth and adaptations. While Chakotay had reported that he held a high opinion of her, he had also laid out some serious concerns that would be a red flag to any higher ranking review authority.

“How so?” Ezri asked.

“He pointed out a series of faults that I carried with me the entire time I was in command of Voyager,” Kathryn replied. She took another sip of coffee. “He was giving me a Captain’s Review. He may not have been a Captain at the time, but he was making sure that it was there. I didn’t really mature and adapt to circumstances as much as is generally expected of a new Captain.”

Ezri noticed the vagueness of the answer, but decided to ignore it. At least Kathryn had recognized what Chakotay had done. That was a good thing. “What about the other parts of the entires? The elements he admired and praised you for?”

“It means a lot to me,” Kathryn said with the same vagueness. She may be willing to reveal a lot to the young Trill, but the depth of what Chakotay’s opinion of her meant to her was something that Kathryn felt was intensely personal.

Ezri frowned. It seemed that she had reached a point where Kathryn had her limits in these sessions. Ezri could live with that for now, but eventually that would have to change. A picture was beginning to develop. Kathryn had repressed so much, and hid behind serious misconceptions of regulations for so long that she was bound to have difficulties in acknowledging some of the things she had hidden. Hopefully the sessions dealing with various incidents would open up those hidden feelings.

“I think we’ve reached a good stopping point for now,” she decided. “I want you to think about what we’ve talked about. You had a great deal thrust upon your shoulders in a very short time when Voyager became stranded. While you’re thinking about it, I want you to start thinking about the personal issues that were definitely there and how the first few months impacted you on that level. That’s what we’ll be discussing next week. I also want you to consider what your original feelings were when you ordered the Caretaker Array destroyed.”

Kathryn nodded a bit absently. She was still thrown a bit by Chakotay’s logs. Looking at the wall chrono, she stood up. “If that’s all for today, I need to get back to work. I have a meeting with my section heads in a bit and I need to finish going over their reports,” she told Ezri.

Ezri stood and escorted her to the door. “No problem,” she assured Kathryn. She went back to her desk and made out some lengthy notes for herself about this session. She was deliberately making Kathryn relive certain events to make the older woman see the dimensions involved in those times, and not simply have narrow memories of them. Hopefully a tapestry would be built that would allow Kathryn to see just how much she did succeed out there in the Delta Quadrant, despite the regrets she held. She also made a note to look at other logs from the senior officers from Voyager. There was a lot of work to do before the next session.