This was written for the VAMB Steamy summer mark II 2007 exchange.

Skyspirit’s request:

"I want some good steamy sex between our favorite command team, post end

game. I don't mind baby fic but it is not necessary and the following two

lines have to used somewhere in the story:

1. "I've never wanted anything more than you and your sexy smile."

2. "I know that I wasn't meant to walk this world without you."

Fic101 list #2 - #99 - lights

Thanks Elem for the beta.

***

“Do you have anything further to add?”

Janeway’s jaw clenched even tighter. “With respect, Sir, you were not there. With the facts that I had available to me at the time, I stand by my decision.” She could see that the admirals on the Review Board weren’t convinced. They’d barely hidden their scepticism in regard to virtually everything that Voyager had done in the last seven years. The review was turning into something akin to the Spanish Inquisition.

It seemed that every decision she’d made over the last seven years, no matter how small or routine, was now in question. The Board had been very good at honing in on anything they hadn’t liked. Starfleet had had plenty of time to go through her logs with the proverbial fine tooth comb to find whatever they’d wanted after their logs had been sent via the MIDAS array. And these admirals had been relentless, jumping on any indecision or questionable answer that she or Chakotay had given.

It was exhausting and she knew Chakotay was exhausted too.

Her initial euphoria of getting home had now worn off and her near total exhaustion, which had plagued her for most of the last year of their journey, had returned.

Starfleet had not allowed her any real time off to recover allowing her only two days of leave before the Review Board had started. After an emotional reunion with her mother and sister, she’d slept for nearly twenty four hours. She’d needed it and her mother and sister had understood.

And so for the past five days, she and Chakotay had endured a very intense grilling with the admirals barely scratching the surface of the journey. Kathryn shuddered at the thought that, at this rate, the debriefings could go on for another month or more.

Kathryn had had enough. All she wanted to do was sleep but she couldn’t.

At least her crew were fine. They had been released after a cursory debriefing and medical checks and given six months leave while the captain and the first officer underwent the normal senior officer’s debriefing.

The Maquis’ status wasn’t being questioned. That problem had been solved while they had been in the Delta Quadrant. After the Cardassians sided with the Dominion in the war, all the Maquis had been forgiven and pardoned.

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn, marvelling at her restraint when answering the admirals’ circular and stupid questions. He was there to answer questions as well and to give his perspective as the first officer but the focus was on Janeway and her decision making as captain. She was the captain and the buck definitely stopped with her. He understood why they were doing this ‘debrief’ come interrogation. It was in Starfleet’s nature to almost over-analyse any event out of the ordinary. They had to get as much information out of them as possible before it faded from their memories, so others could learn from their mistakes and to take on board all the good things that they’d done.

He just wished it would be more like a discussion rather than an interrogation. Kathryn’s amazing achievement of getting Voyager home hadn’t stopped Starfleet convening the Review Board. He had no problem with it. What he objected to was the increasing disbelief of what they’d achieved and what they’d had to do to survive. These admirals were applying Starfleet regulations and standards to the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay smiled to himself. In the Alpha Quadrant, the ratio of good guys considerably outweighed the bad guys but in the Delta Quadrant that ratio seemed to be reversed. Therefore, for some situations Voyager had to be more flexible.

He could just imagine an eager JAG aide to any one of these admirals already compiling a long list of charges for her Court Martial. And it seemed likely that she would face one just by the sneering tone of two of the three admirals. The main culprit was Rear Admiral Sheppard. He was a large man and head of logistics. Chakotay had serious doubts as to whether he’d even been on a star ship and he found it unbelievable that someone, like Sheppard, who had never captained a ship, was sitting on a Board that could determine if he and Kathryn might be spending time in New Zealand.

Chakotay’s thoughts were cut short by the admiral.

Admiral Sheppard looked up from his padd after adding another line of inquiry for the JAG to have a look at. Now he moved onto the next major item on his list. “Captain Janeway, state General Order thirteen.” He paused for effect, trying to catch her out. “If you can.”

Kathryn stared at him blankly. Did he think she was a cadet? She knew all thirty-two General Orders off by heart. She knew exactly why he wanted to know it and where this was going.

The Hirogen.

She broke out in a cold sweat and she felt her skivvy become sticky and damp. A droplet of sweat slowly wound its way down the valley between her breasts. It wasn’t the questioning of the pompous rear echelon wankers that made her sweat. It was the seven weeks of sheer terror, of losing control of her ship, being forced into fighting for her life in scenario after scenario, and reading the Doctor’s list of her wounds that had made her perspire. It was just like it happened yesterday. She concentrated on following the drop of liquid as it snaked a path down her skin until it hit her bra and was absorbed, trying to gather her thoughts and regain control.

Chakotay shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He glanced at Kathryn. Her knuckles were white with tension. He had a feeling she was thinking the same thing as him - the Hirogen and her surrender of the Holodeck technology to save all of their lives. He still had the occasional nightmare over what had had happened. As Voyager’s makeshift counsellor, he knew that it had taken over three months before the crew were back to anything resembling normal.

Chakotay decided that he would answer Sheppard. He would try to spare Kathryn as much as possible. “Admiral, Gen …”

Kathryn’s hand was quick, squeezing his arm, silently stopping him from saying anything more. She didn’t want Chakotay to get a blast from the admiral. Sheppard was a martinet and would have a go at them given a chance. She would answer him and so she parroted her reply in her command voice, strong and decisive. “General Order thirteen. While wearing a Starfleet uniform, an officer is prohibited from giving information, material or equivalent aid to the Federation's enemies or to groups which represent a danger to the Federation, its member worlds or their representatives. Sir.” The ‘Sir’ was an after thought, certainly not out of respect for him, only for his rank.

Sheppard was mildly shocked that she was able to recite the order verbatim but it didn’t stop him carrying on. “Commander, in practice, what does this mean?”

“In practice, it means that a Starfleet officer is prohibited from giving technology of any kind to an enemy, Sir.”

“Were the Hirogen an enemy?”

He hesitated, unwilling to help dig Kathryn’s grave but he had to answer although he tried to explain. “Yes, Sir. But you must ...”

“Enough, Commander!” Sheppard turned toward Janeway. “Can you explain why then you gave Holodeck technology to an aggressive enemy such as the Hirogen, directly violating this General Order?”

Kathryn sighed. She knew that admirals had all their logs regarding the Hirogen incident. She now regretted how very succinct her logs had been. How could she adequately explain what had happened to them when she barely could fathom it herself?

Hoping to convince the Board that the Hirogen could have killed them all at anytime, Kathryn started from the beginning, describing how in their first face to face meeting, Seven and Tuvok nearly ended up as Hirogen trophies. She went on to describe their physical appearance and Tuvok’s first impressions that this aggressive race lacked any moral centre.

And then finally on to how the Hirogen had pursued Voyager relentlessly for a week before finally surrounding Voyager, boarding her and taking control. All the crew except for a few engineering staff and the Doctor had then been subjected to an alien mind control device, the neural interface, and had been forced to fight for their lives. Voyager’s only hope to get out of Hirogen territory alive was to give them the Holodeck technology. A quarter of the ship had already been severely damaged at the time. If the crew had had to fight the Hirogen to regain control of the ship than there would have been very little of Voyager left and they would have taken heavy casualties in the attempt. She wasn’t to know that later on the Hirogen would subvert the Holodeck technology and create intelligent and aware holograms that would turn the tables on the Hirogen and hunt them.

The admirals had listened and hadn’t interrupted her explanation. Chakotay had been hopeful that finally they might understand what it had been like for Voyager in the Delta Quadrant but he just wasn’t sure anymore. They were following a well-trodden path. Previously, they’d listened to Kathryn’s and his explanations and then had taken them to task on every minor detail. Chakotay glanced at Kathryn. She looked blankly at the admirals, one hand resting on top of the other. Her jaw was still clenched and she looked very tired.

When she finished speaking, she could feel a tension headache start. The pain behind her left eye made her temple throb. She needed a coffee and hypospray or maybe something harder, she thought. Maybe getting blind drunk would make her forget this ordeal - for a little while, at least.

Admiral Craig, the Chairman, looked at the chronometer. 1615. He decided that was enough for today and the week. “Captain, Commander, you are both ordered to return here at 0900, Monday morning for further questioning over this sorry incident and others. Do not leave the San Francisco area. You are dismissed.”

Kathryn and Chakotay both stood up to attention. “Yes, Sir.”

The admirals filed out of the room.

As soon as the door closed, Kathryn kicked one of the legs of her chair out of frustration. “Shit!” Kathryn fingers dug into her palms. She felt like she was a cadet again, powerless and ineffectual. It seemed nothing she’d said convinced the admirals. At that moment, she knew she was hanging onto her career by a thread. Did she really want to belong to an organization of old fuddy-duddies like these admirals? No, if she was completely honest. She was tired of it all and especially of them. “Fuck it and them,” she muttered under her breath.

Chakotay watched as she paced back and forth. He understood her anger. He felt it too. Kathryn had so eloquently outlined the incident. Had the admirals not been listening to what she’d said?

They had to get out of this room. They were grateful for the relative privacy of the adjacent staterooms in Ambassador’s wing that had been assigned to them for the duration of the review. Not that they wanted to go anywhere else anyway because they’d been so tired at the end of the day that they’d usually just shared a meal in one of their rooms and then went to sleep in their separate rooms.

Chakotay gently laid a hand on her arm. “Kathryn, come on. Let’s go.”

An ensign approached them when they came out of the room. He snapped to attention. “Captain,” He nodded out of respect to Janeway’s superior rank and then turned to Chakotay, holding out a padd. “Commander, I was ordered to give you this.”

Chakotay took the padd from the earnest young man. “Thank you, Ensign. Dismissed.” He had no intention or inclination to read it in the hallway. He would wait until they got to their quarters.

“Captain, Sir,” the ensign replied then smartly about turned and left.

In silence, they walked back to the very palatial Ambassador’s wing.

Chakotay ushered Kathryn into her room and sat her down on the large sofa. He passed her a hypospray and heard the hiss as she injected the pain medication while he went to the Replicator. A moment later he placed a steaming hot cup of coffee in her hand. He smiled as she did what she’d done with nearly every cup of coffee she’d had over the last seven years.

She put the cup under her nose and deeply inhaled the aroma as if it was the very air that she needed to survive. Her eyes closed and the tension of the day seemed to dissipate as soon as the caffeine vapours were absorbed by her blood and the pain medication finally worked. Kathryn took a sip of the dark liquid, letting the slightly bitter taste linger over her tongue before swallowing it. She pointed to the cup. “Thank you, Chakotay. I needed this.” She couldn’t tell him how much she needed him, perhaps even more than the coffee. A wry grin grew at the thought of that but it was true.

In the past week, they’d seen more of each other than they had in the last two months on Voyager. Part of that was her fault but most was due to what they had to endure from Quarra, Joe Carey’s death and even Neelix leaving the ship. All contributed to her increasing stress and in the end she was so tired that all she could do was get up in the morning, do her duty and then sleep, albeit fitfully.

She would be the first to admit that she’d been just going through the motions. Her heart wasn’t in it any more and there had been no joy in new discoveries as there had been in the early years. There was no question that she’d continued to do her best for her crew. Her captain’s mask had been permanently veneered to her face and Kathryn had slowly faded away.

It was no wonder that Chakotay had moved on. After Quarra, they’d stopped having dinners together because Chakotay, acting as counsellor, had been helping the crew recover from that trauma and then shortly after that, there had been more strain with all the other things that had happened to them. When they had spoken it had been strictly ship’s business. She’d been curt and sometimes even downright rude. She’d been struggling to keep up with her workload. She just hadn’t had the time to socialize, reading and analysing the endless reports seemed to take longer than it had seven years earlier.

Kathryn mused that if they’d stayed in the Delta Quadrant a few months longer she more than likely would have cracked.

She closed her eyes and thanked the Admiral for saving her and for saving those twenty-two crewmembers, especially Tuvok and Seven. Yes, she even thanked her older self for saving Seven even though she was involved with her best friend. Seven was like a daughter to her. That Seven was young enough to be Chakotay’s daughter hadn’t stopped her pursuing him. It hadn’t mattered that Chakotay had wanted to space Seven when she had first come aboard and that they seemed to have very little in common. As far as Kathryn knew it was still early days in their relationship. But she also knew she was deluding herself into thinking that if he was happy then she was. She was just happy to have his friendship. It was probably too late for anything else.

Now in just five days their friendship had been rekindled without the stress of command. And she liked it, needed it and even relied on it. It was the one thing that made the last week tolerable. Walking back to the quarters and sharing a meal like they had done do many times in the past but this time it was different. There were no crew evaluations, repair schedules or tactics to nut out as they had for the majority of their dinners on Voyager. They’d made a vow not to talk about the Board as they ate. They only spoke briefly about the Board after they had breakfast on the way to the Board room.

“I know. I’ll just check what’s on the padd.” Chakotay put his tea on the table and sat down next to her. He glanced at Kathryn. She’d toed off her boots and had plonked her feet on the coffee table, crossed her legs, her toes wiggling in her socks. She cradled the coffee in her lap and her head rested back. To Chakotay, the tension seemed to leave her body as the caffeine coursed through her arteries. For Kathryn, the black liquid could act either as a relaxant as it was here or a stimulant. This week had been hard on her.

He switched on the padd. It was from Seven. He felt a little guilty because for the past five days he hadn’t thought about her at all, totally focusing on Kathryn and their debriefing. They weren’t allowed to contact members of the crew anyway. So he was amazed that the ensign had passed the padd onto him. He could imagine her concise tone of voice as he read her note.

In her usual forthright manner, she informed him that she was terminating their social relationship to take up a position at the Vulcan Science Academy and that Seven and Tuvok were already on their way to Vulcan. He read the note again because that was all it was, just four sentences. He thought one sentence for every date they’d been on. No wasted words. No words of apology for not saying goodbye personally. No wishing him well. Nothing. That was Seven. Unemotional.

Spirits! What had he been thinking?

Thinking back, he was pleasantly surprised that she’d asked him for a date. If the truth be told he’d been lonely on Voyager and needed something in his life other than work, something resembling a normal life that he’d always craved but never could quite get. And on top of that, it had stroked his male ego having a beautiful young woman want him.

But was he heartbroken now that Seven had so succinctly ended it? No. He realized that it wouldn’t have lasted outside of the confines of Voyager. How could he compete with all the young bucks on Earth vying for her attention and all the other opportunities that would surely come her way? Besides that, Seven was probably better off on Vulcan. Her forthright personality and lack of emotional maturity was best suited to that outwardly unemotional people.

Kathryn put her empty cup on the table. She watched Chakotay read the note and saw him shrug it off. “What was the note about?”

Chakotay and Seven had kept their four dates discrete, confining them to either of their quarters. He wasn’t sure why that it was, maybe for them to both get used to the idea or possibly that he’d been embarrassed. If he hadn’t been embarrassed then he was now and he shook his head; Spirits! Seven was young enough to be his daughter.

Did Kathryn know? He wasn’t sure. Admiral Janeway certainly had told Seven something. It didn’t matter now. He pulled on an earlobe. “Seven has left for Vulcan.” Chakotay coughed; his throat suddenly tight. “Permanently.”

Kathryn turned to face him, sensing his embarrassment. Her hand rested on his thigh in a gesture of understanding and her voice soft with kindness when she lied. “Chakotay, I’m so sorry.” She wasn’t sorry about Seven leaving at all, she was only sorry that Chakotay might get hurt. She couldn’t stand that. It would break her heart. She cared about him so much. Her eyes never lost contact with his.

Her touch sent a jolt of electricity through Chakotay. It was reminiscent of their first meeting seven years ago when she placed her hand on his chest to stop him getting to Tom Paris. That first jolt all those years ago had cleared his mind of his anger toward Tuvok and Tom and had told him that he could work with the captain. This second shock was so much more profound. She knew about them, perhaps the Admiral had told her but that didn’t matter. More importantly, she had been lying when she said was sorry. She wasn’t. She was protecting his feelings but it was more than that.

She cared for him.

Deeply.

Just as he did for her. “Kathryn … you don’t have to lie.”

He saw right through her as he had done so many times before. “Chakotay …” Kathryn had also felt the spark between them when she touched his leg. His muscles had twitched for a moment and then she felt a wonderful sensation of warmth. It comforted her.

Chakotay’s hand rested on hers, his thumb rubbed slowly against the back of her hand. He edged a bit closer. He wanted to say so much, to explain why he’d tried to move on, to apologize for hurting her, for breaking his promise to her but he faltered. He couldn’t get the words out. He couldn’t really explain it himself. Eventually, he whispered, “Kathryn, I’m sorry …”

“Shhh … You have nothing to feel sorry about. I know what I’d become out there. I had to. I even didn’t like me but it was the only way I could cope. I understand why you felt you had to move on and I know I never gave you a reason to hope for anything more than friendship.” She was tired of seven years of the unrelenting pressure of command and tired of defending her actions to admirals who hadn’t been on a star ship in decades. But more importantly, she was tired of seven years of hiding and fighting the deep feelings she had for Chakotay for the sake of the ship. Now, she had no fight left in her. She didn’t want to fight it any more.

She would gladly surrender to him, only hoping that she wasn’t too late. “Is there a reason now?”

As far as he was concerned it had always been up to Kathryn to decide if they were to take that extra step in their relationship. He understood the pressures on her but he had also succumbed to that pressure and lost his way too. But now, Chakotay positively beamed at her and nodded, momentarily losing the power to speak. His mind was travelling at warp 9.9. He couldn’t believe it. Kathryn wanted him. “Yes, Kathryn.”

She smiled back at him.

He’d missed her warm smile.

Relieved, she stroked his cheek then snaked her hand through his cropped hair and gently pulled him toward her and their lips, barely touching, met for the first time. It was a tentative, almost chaste kiss that lasted a mere second in reality but for them time stood still.

Chakotay was happy. Her blue eyes stared right through him, twinkling with desire, wanting more. Who was he to refuse her? He hadn’t really done so in seven years and he wasn’t going to start now. He just couldn’t. His hands feathered up her arms then he pulled her close to kiss her thoroughly now. He wanted it all, to feel her and to taste her.

Her mouth opened invitingly and her pulse quickened in anticipation. His soft lips melded perfectly to hers just as she knew they would. His hands seemed to be everywhere all at once.

The kiss deepened. Their bodies moved closer together, grinding against each other.

Her nipples hardened at the contact, sending little tremors through her body. A guttural moan escaped from her lips. Holding Chakotay tightly to her, she wasn’t about to let him go.

Breathless, their lips parted a little.

Kathryn panted. “Chakotay …” The kiss was mind-blowing. She needed another, kissing him more passionately and harder now, her tongue probing his mouth, digging her fingers into his back. She discovered she loved the feel of his arms wrapped around her, and his large hands moving firmly over her back. Her imagination went wild at the thought of what they would do to her when they finally touched her bare skin. Her desire grew and grew with every caress.

Gasping for breath, they tentatively broke apart again. Their eyes never leaving each other’s.

Chakotay pulled her onto his lap, her legs straddling him. His hands roamed over her back and through her hair. He’d kissed Seven once but it was never like this. That kiss hadn’t left him breathless, that kiss hadn’t made his heart pound in his chest and that kiss had never made him harden almost instantly as these had. He longed for this moment. It had been seven years in the making and he thanked the Spirits for setting things right. “Kathryn…”

Their lips met again.

He then worked his way down her neck.

Kathryn tilted her head to the side while he lavished her neck with kisses and gentle bites and she responded, groaning with pleasure. His hand kneaded her breast, the thumb flicking over her hard pebble of a nipple. “Oh god …”

Her purrs and writhing as she responded to his touch increased his own arousal.

Her thirst for his touch was insatiable now. She slowly rocked back and forth along his hard erection becoming wetter with every stroke. Her inner muscles pulsed and her heart hammered in her breast. She wanted him. Now.

Kathryn wiggled off his lap and stood up then unzipped her uniform jacket, throwing it on the floor. She pulled her skivvy over her head and dropped it on top of the jacket. She smiled at him. “I want you all of you, Chakotay.”

Chakotay’s eyes roamed over her. She was magnificent, her crooked grin, her hands on her hips, challenging him to see if he up for the task. He was more than ready to take what was on offer. The pleasurable ache in his groin was testament to that and the fact that if she’d rubbed herself any longer on his painfully erect penis he would have exploded.

He stood up, his large hands caressed her shoulders and her lithe arms. “I've never wanted anything more than you and your sexy smile.”

Her finger traced his tattoo then along his cheek. “You have those. You always have. On Voyager, I couldn’t show you that you had but I’m here now. I’m yours now and forever. I love you.” She wouldn’t deny any longer what her heart had felt but kept suppressed for seven years. She loved Chakotay with all her heart.

Chakotay couldn’t believe it. It was a dream come true. She loved him. His heart nearly burst with happiness. After another bruising kiss, he wrapped his hands around her, holding her close. The heat from where the bodies touched was amazing. “I love you, too.”

Kathryn stepped back a little, her lips red, her desire written all over her face and body. She pulled the singlet over her head and took off her bra.

He couldn’t take his eyes of her. She was stunning. Her pearl white skin and gorgeous breasts finished in dark hardened nipples. Chakotay reached for her, wanting and needing to touch her but Kathryn smiled and stepped another pace back.

Kathryn craved his touch too but she couldn’t wait any longer. She slipped off her pants, panties and socks. She stood naked before him leaving no doubt what she wanted. Chakotay. All of him. “I need you. Now.”

His penis twitched again, aching to be released from the confines of his pants. He could smell her arousal and could see it glistening off her curls. “Kathryn … you’re so beautiful.” All the different scenarios he’d dreamt for their first time quickly disappeared.

There was a pause where they stood looking at each other, almost touching, just out of reach.

She smiled at him, offering herself to him, unconditionally. “Do with me what you will.”

With the spell broken, his smile disappeared and now he looked like he wanted to devour her. Instinct took over. He needed to be inside her more than he needed his next breath. He quickly shed his clothes.

Kathryn barely got a glimpse of Chakotay’s gorgeous bronze skin before he came at her.

Chakotay pushed her back onto the plush couch, laying her along it, her shoulders resting on the arm rest. He knelt between her legs, spreading them wide open. One hand kneaded a breast while he nipped and sucked at her other nipple.

Kathryn purred, arching her back, wanting more of his breathtaking assault on her breasts. Her eyes closed and she let herself be carried away by his hot touches.

His erection rubbed against her inner thigh and he groaned. He couldn’t wait any longer. His hands feathered down her stomach and over her damp curls. Her hips tilted up, inviting him in. His finger teased at her folds and her moans of pleasure told him she was ready for more. First one finger than another entered her hot centre and he smiled at hearing her gasp. He glanced up at her to see her tweaking and flicking of her own nipple while his fingers pumped in and out. Her responsiveness to him increased his own desire.

When his fingers stopped, Kathryn moaned in disappointment but it didn’t last long. She opened her eyes to find Chakotay grabbing her waist and edging closer to her. She smiled at him because she knew what was about to happen and she revelled in Chakotay’s dark, lust-filled eyes.

He took his shaft and rubbed its seeping head over her folds.

Kathryn felt him tease her wet lips but she wasn’t having any of that any more. They already had seven years of foreplay. She wanted him inside her. Now. She sat up and kissed him thoroughly as she gently fondled his tight sac. After the kiss, she urged him on. “Now … Chakotay.”

He pushed her back down and spread her legs, holding them behind her knees. He watched as he entered her all the way to the hilt in one long powerful stroke and then stopped. Chakotay moaned with pleasure. She was deliciously tight and he could feel her inner muscles tighten around him. He was in heaven and he sighed because she looked serene. She must be feeling the same as he did.

“Kathryn, open your eyes. I want to see you.”

Kathryn opened her eyes to see him gazing at her. Her hands reached up, kneading his chest and tweaking his nipples. She had been concentrating on feeling him enter her, of how he filled her completely and everywhere. He filled her heart with his love. “Oh … Chakotay. I love you.”

He bent down and kissed her. He loved the way her voice softened as she said his name and proclaimed her love. He’d waited seven years for this. It had been worth the wait. She was worth the wait. “I love you, my Kathryn.” But now he needed to complete their connection. Holding onto her legs, he began a deep ever-increasing rhythm, thrusting into her as she pushed back. Her firm breasts moved up and down in time as he drove himself into her. Every now and then he would squeeze a breast or flick a nipple. Her moans of ‘harder’ filled him with a longing he never knew before and he delighted in giving her whatever she wanted.

It was a glorious sight for Kathryn to watch their joining, to see his dark thick penis, slick, with their combined juices, sliding in and out of her, feeling his tight scrotum slap against her and his wiry hairs tickling her clit occasionally. She only wished she could bottle the feeling of him filling her so completely. She clenched her inner muscles around him as he thrust into her.

Kathryn’s breathing quickened and she clutched at the cushions of the sofa. “Chak …” Kathryn barely whispered his name, almost incoherently, gasping between breaths. The beginnings of her climax stirred deep within her and she was surprised by more juices gushing from her tunnel.

Chakotay’s breathing became ragged with the effort. Her inner muscles gripped around his length strongly with each thrust, making him lengthen even more. She was close and so was he. He increased the power of his thrusts with instant results. Kathryn’s head tossed from side to side. His finger caressed her clit taking her over the edge. “I love you, Kathryn.”

Kathryn release came at her like a tidal wave, unstoppable. Kathryn threw her head back as she came, hard and fast. Her inner muscles shuddered and she gasped. “Fuck! Fuck! I’m com… Chakotay!"

He lost all control now. After a few more hard thrusts, giving it all he had, he emptied himself deep within her, an explosion of pleasure, grunting out her name. Exhausted and panting, he collapsed on top of her.

Still breathless, he felt the aftershocks of her inner muscles around his softening penis. She wrapped her arms around him whispering words of love as they rested.

He didn’t want to leave her but he was afraid of hurting her. He slipped out of her and stood up. For a moment, he just watched her breathing calm down. Her breasts slowly rose and fell, her skin glowing and flushed. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Hmmm … that was wonderful …you’re wonderful.” Kathryn sat up on her elbows and groaned. A wry smile grew on her face. She was sitting on a large wet spot, most of her own making. It was very rare for her to gush out like she had. She had only done that in the past when she’d been very, very aroused. Chakotay had done that to her but she didn’t mind at all. She laughed out loud. They would have had a lot to explain to the maintenance section on Voyager if they had ever made love on her couch.

“Kathryn?”

“Wet spot.”

“Oh.” He smiled. He had noticed that. He held his hands out to her.

She took his hands and then walked into his welcoming arms. Their bodies were hot and sweaty. Her head nestled into his chest. She closed her eyes and sighed. For the first time in a long time she relaxed completely.

His arms ran slowly up and down her back. He felt her breathing slow down. They were both tired. “Kathryn, come to bed.” He ushered her into the bedroom. They slid under the covers and snuggled in close together.

Kathryn’s finger played with his sparse chest hairs. She couldn’t stop herself. She loved the feel of him. And she had so much time to make up.

Chakotay felt very tired and stifled a yawn.

Kathryn tried in vain to not catch his yawn but to no avail. She yawned too.

They both laughed.

The past week had finally caught up with both of them.

“Thank you, Chakotay. I love you.”

“Love you too. Now, go to sleep.” He kissed her head. “Computer, lights out.”

She snuggled in a little closer, settling into his shoulder. Her leg draped over his thigh. “Okay.”

They closed their eyes, content and were soon asleep.

***

In the dark, Kathryn woke to the wonderful sensation of being spooned. Chakotay’s arm draped over her, holding her close. She’d always loved this position. The warmth, love and security felt amazing. She sighed and nestled back into his firm body. It was nearly midnight so she closed her eyes and relaxed, hoping to go back to sleep.

Chakotay felt Kathryn move in his arms. He did a quick double check to make sure this wasn’t a dream. It really was Kathryn, naked, lying in a bed with him. They really had made love. Although he was a little embarrassed that he’d let his lust and want for her overwhelm him, taking her fast and hard on her sofa. It had been all that he’d hoped it would be and more and he struggled to find the words to explain how he felt. But the next time he planned to take it slow to explore all her body, kissing her and caressing her before slowly making love to her. Just the thought of giving her pleasure made him hard and ache for her.

And she felt it too. Her hips tilted back gently, rubbing against his growing length. His fingers brushed over her nipple and it hardened immediately. When Chakotay kissed her neck, she moaned with pleasure. It was amazing how quickly she became aroused just by his touch. Tingles spread all over her body and then they focused on her groin. She was on fire.

Chakotay leisurely explored her breasts, feeling their weight. His thumb flicked across her pert nipple while his fingers circled over the soft flesh. He moved into the valley between them and feathered along the underside of one before cupping the other. He softly kissed her shoulder and neck. His only thought was pleasuring the woman beside him.

Kathryn sighed. His slow caresses were like sweet torture. He was gradually stoking the fire that he started, building it up, bit by bit. She was putty in his hands. She put her arms over her head and allowed him to do what he wanted with her.

He rolled her onto her back and he lavished long slow kisses on her pert nipples. His hands roamed over her stomach and thighs. It was too dark to see her face but Chakotay could feel her squirm and hear her moan with delight.

His fingers ran over her thighs and Kathryn responded by opening her legs.

Chakotay moved further down the bed and in between her legs. He could smell their previous joining and her arousal now. His finger played with a nipple while he nipped and kissed his way along her inner thigh toward her centre.

Kathryn groaned in anticipation.

Chakotay heard the guttural moan and wanted more. His tongue ran over her dripping lips. Her body jumped and she gasped. Chakotay didn’t give her a chance to recover. His tongue and fingers explored her lips and clit, feeling her pulse.

She was so close, shuddering with every sweep of his tongue over her throbbing nub. The tremors made her body jump and arch. She felt his fingers slowly move inside her and her inner muscles grip around them. When his tongue found her clit for the final time she climaxed, quivering, groaning and then thrashing about. All her muscles tensed up as she rode through her climax, her fingers gripped the sheets tightly.

His hand held her stomach firmly until her body suddenly relaxed. He could still feel her twitch around his fingers. Reluctantly, he withdrew them as he listened to her breathing return to normal. He moved back up and lay beside her; a hand gently lay across her stomach while she recovered.

Kathryn floated on a cloud of pleasure and sighed. Chakotay had taken her to paradise so quickly and easily. And she loved it all and him. Now it was time to return the favour. She rolled onto her side and kissed him passionately. Her kisses moved down his neck as her palms kneaded his chest, teasing his nipples.

She swung her leg over to straddle him and snaked down his body. Her hard nipples scrapped against his skin.

He could feel her damp curls leave a trail as she made her way down his body, kissing, caressing and nibbling. He closed his eyes and amazed at the wonderful feeling of her slick folds running over his penis. Chakotay groaned in ecstasy. Her teeth nipped around his belly button. Her chin nudged at his now weeping head. Spirits! She was going to do what he dreamed of so many times. All those dreams were about to come true. His penis twitched in expectation as he spread his legs.

Her nose ran through his tight curls and her cheek rubbed along his length. Her tongue licked all over, paying particular attention to the rim around its head. Her small hand fondled his tight sac and a thumb ran along the sensitive tissue behind it. She enjoyed his responses, his deep groan, how his penis jumped and twitched and how his hips rolled toward her, wanting more.

It was time for more. Her mouth licked around his seeping head and then she slowly took him all the way in then withdrew. One hand held his long length and firmly ran up and down in time with her mouth. Her other hand kneaded his chest.

Chakotay’s hips undulated in time with her ministrations. His hands gently rested on her head, holding her there as she moved up and down his penis. Her tongue and mouth sent shivers all over his body. But soon he was getting close and although he would like her to bring this to a completion, this was all still very new and he wanted to come inside her. “Please, Kathryn. No more. I need to be inside you.”

She couldn’t refuse him and rose up after a final kiss on his penis. She slinked up his body and sank slowly on him, taking him all in. Kathryn moaned at the sensation of him filling her up. She couldn’t get enough of this incredibly satisfying feeling. She lay down on him, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close, heart to heart. Their hips began to rock slowly in unison, both enjoying their intimate union.

She burrowed her head into his neck, kissing and nibbling at his neck and ear, whispering how wonderful she felt, what he was doing to her and how much she loved him.

Their tempo was lusciously unhurried, both content to let this last for as long as they could.

His hands roamed over her back until they stopped at her hips, guiding her as they moved together, pushing him deeper into her.

She responded almost immediately, tensing around him and moaning into his ear. Her control was nearly lost. On the one hand, she wanted to sit up and ride Chakotay hard and fast but for now she relished their slow love making.

She loved how his hands skimmed over her skin causing her muscles to ripple and her skin to tingle all over as they doing now. She loved how they fit so well together and synchronised so quickly. She loved how they knew what they other wanted. She loved his deep throaty groans as she tightened around him. She loved seeing his face tense up and his erection lengthen just before he came just as he was doing now. She loved him, pure and simple. “I love you, Chakotay.” She loved just saying his name.

Chakotay grunted, gasped and bucked, coming in long spurts inside her, filling her completely.

She loved the feeling of giving him pleasure and satisfying him. She kept repeating that she loved him in between kissing him tenderly while he recovered.

Kathryn rolled off him and lay next to him.

“I love you.” Chakotay kissed her shoulder. “Hmm … Kathryn.” His hand wandered down her stomach. He wanted to have her come with him but his orgasm had taken him by surprise.

She stopped his hand. “It’s okay. Just hold me” He made her feel amazing before so he had nothing to apologize for. She just wanted to lay with him now.

They rested in each other’s arms until sleep took hold of them again.

***

Late the next day

Kathryn felt the shirt material. “This feels funny.”

“What does?”

“Wearing clothes.”

Chakotay laughed. They hadn’t left her stateroom at all. In fact, they’d barely left the bedroom, spending most of the time making love, cuddling and talking or sleeping. They were like two teenagers, not able to take their hands of each other. But they decided to go out for dinner, so they needed to get dressed.

Chakotay adjusted his jacket. “How do I look?”

Kathryn picked off a stray hair. “Handsome.” She kissed his cheek. She smiled to herself that Chakotay would look fetching in anything, even in one of Neelix’s colourful outfits.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes. Let’s go.”

Hand in hand, they walked to the Transporter station and were beamed to the nearby Marina Green. They hadn’t wanted to eat in the mess hall with all the other Starfleet personal. They wanted to get as far away from Starfleet as they could considering that San Francisco was a Starfleet town. They picked a small café overlooking the bay that was well away from the tourist crowds at Fisherman’s Wharf and had a pleasant meal.

After their meal, they walked to the water’s edge arm in arm and looked at the Golden Gate Bridge lit up against the clear night sky, shining a calming orange. The lights of the city twinkled off the water and the only sound was the rhythmic slap of the waves against the boardwalk. It was beautiful.

Kathryn couldn’t remember feeling so relaxed. Maybe the wine had something to do with it but she knew it was not only that. It was the wonderful, patient and generous man with his arm around her who loved her and that she loved him. It was not being in uniform. That red and black uniform and the weight of those four tiny gold pips and all the responsibility and pressure that went along with them had nearly killed her.

There were things she would do differently if she had the chance again. She’d made mistakes and people had been hurt or even died because of them. Her gaze shifted from the bridge to an island in the bay. Alcatraz. The buildings were illuminated and a search light every now and then would shine off the rocks. It was part of a tour. She could see the boat going out to the island for an eerie night tour. It is said that the ghosts of prisoners walk the halls and can be seen in their cells.

Her thoughts drifted back to her Board and its likely outcome. She wasn’t optimistic of a favourable result. At the very least, she would probably never captain another ship or could even be demoted and at the worst, she could face Court Martial and prison time. Had she been born in another time she may have ended up there on that island in a small barren cell. Instead of Alcatraz, there was a distinct possibility that she could end up in the Starfleet Penal Settlement in New Zealand.

She swallowed hard and her stress and tension rose. She stepped away from Chakotay, wanting to collect her thoughts but failed. Tears welled up in her eyes. She should be happy that they were together but all she could think of was how Chakotay would take being apart, of what would happen to the crew, of what her family would think and a million other things that went through her mind. The irrational seeds of doubt had been planted in her mind. Her heart had been broken too many times that it would completely shatter if Chakotay moved on if she was given a long sentence. Oh God, she cried, what a mess!

Chakotay felt her tense up but he allowed her the space she needed. Only after a minute or two, did he come up behind her. “Kathryn?”

Kathryn’s head dropped and a tear fell down her cheek. She felt his presence behind her. He understood her, giving her time. She loved him so much. “Oh … Chakotay…” She hesitated, her voice cracking with emotion. “Do you think I’ll end up in New Zealand?”

Chakotay stood next to her, glancing at her. Her teardrop slowly dripped down her cheek and it nearly broke his heart. He joined her in looking out across the bay as he thought about their Board and knew that it could be a possibility. Anything was possible. He realized that he’d never seen her so vulnerable but he wasn’t going to tell her what she wanted to hear. He hadn’t done that for the last seven years and he wasn’t going to start now. “It’s possible. Anything’s possible.” He took her hand in his, gently squeezing it. “But whatever happens, I want to be with you where ever that is. Don’t ever doubt that, Kathryn. I love you.”

Kathryn smiled and stepped into his welcoming arms. “Thank you, Chakotay.” His large arms wrapped around her, holding her close. She sighed when he kissed her hair and all her irrational doubts disappeared. They were replaced by her scientific mind trying to work out a solution to the problem of how they could be together. It didn’t take her long to find the solution. There was really only one.

She would resign immediately from Starfleet. Even if they didn’t court martial her, her career in Starfleet was effectively over. She seriously doubted that she would ever get another ship to command. Even she was, they couldn’t be together. Chakotay couldn’t serve as her First Officer. It would mean a desk job. After her treatment by admirals on her Board, the thought of just shuffling padds didn’t excite her.

By resigning from Starfleet, she would stop the Review Board and she would still receive her entitlements for her long service. And Starfleet would be pleased. A Court Martial would ruin their well-crafted image of her and Voyager as returning heroes. Another benefit for resigning was that she would be under no obligation to do any PR work that Starfleet would insist she do.

Kathryn wrapped her arms around his neck and stared into his dark eyes. She wondered if she could express how wonderful it felt just to be held by him. The look of love in his eyes filled her with so much joy.

Chakotay saw Kathryn’s expression change, gone were the tears and uncertainty as she smiled that crooked smile of hers and there was a glint in her eye. She’d made a decision and she was pleased with herself. If they’d been on Voyager, he would say it could mean trouble because she was about to drop a bombshell.

Kathryn pulled him closer to her and she kissed him thoroughly. When they broke apart but she still held his hands. “I’ve made a decision.”

“I know.” He grinned. “The only thing you didn’t do is play with your combadge.”

Kathryn laughed. This was why she loved him so much. He knew her so well, perhaps even better than she knew herself. She squeezed his hands. “Are you ready for it then?”

Chakotay wasn’t worried. He’d already followed her to hell and back. He would go wherever she took him. “Yes.”

“I’m resigning from Starfleet. My career is over. I just want to be with you. Wherever you are is where I want to be. I love you.”

Definitely a bombshell, Chakotay thought. Starfleet was her life. She’d always been a fighter not a quitter. Kathryn had overcome so many heartaches to rise to the top of her profession. A lesser person would have crumbled. He expected her to fight a bit more but maybe after seven years of hardship, toil and unrelenting pressure she was just as tired as he was and was looking for a quieter life as well.

He’d also been thinking about resigning, unsure of his future in an organization that still might think he was a traitor. Even if stayed in Starfleet, he knew he couldn’t serve under anyone else but Captain Janeway. It just wouldn’t seem right and he had doubts that Starfleet would have them on the same ship again anyway. If that was so, then he wouldn’t want to be apart from Kathryn either.

And now all she wanted to do was be with him. His heart overflowed with happiness at the thought. They were quite a pair. Both had just declared that they would go with the other wherever they took them and they loved each other. He thanked the Spirits for her, for their love and for finally bringing them together.

Chakotay gathered her back in his arms and slowly and passionately kissed her. Their bodies ground against each other and he felt the first stirrings of arousal. He cupped her face, his thumb caressing her cheek while he looked deep into her blue pools. He couldn’t imagine not being with her even for a day. “I know that I wasn't meant to walk this world without you.”

She knew it too. They belonged together. She smiled brightly at him, gesturing toward the path. “Let’s walk then.”

They walked arm in arm, along the marina, past the tidal marsh and onto the promenade that led to the base of the Golden Gate Bridge. Along the way they talked about their plans for the future until they reached the Warming Hut where they grabbed a coffee and enjoyed the spectacular views of the bridge from the Torpedo Wharf then they requested a beam out back to their quarters.

Chakotay had just enough time to throw his jacket on the couch before Kathryn kissed him. After sharing several passionate kisses, Kathryn took Chakotay by the hand and led him to her bedroom. Their clothes were quickly shed and they tumbled into bed. Their lovemaking was joyous, wild and free, kissing and caressing, changing positions quickly, giving and receiving and learning more about what the other liked.

Kathryn gently pushed him off her and rolled over onto her stomach. She rose up on her knees and elbows. She’d always loved this wanton position. Chakotay had taken her to the edge of her climax so many times then pulled back that now she was becoming frustrated in the nicest possible way. Looking over her shoulder, she issued perhaps her final order to him. “Finish it, Commander.”

Chakotay smiled wickedly, happy to oblige. “Your wish is my command, Captain.” He sidled up behind her. He took a moment to marvel at her sexy body, her firm ass jutting up at him with her dripping centre ready and waiting for him. It wasn’t an act of submission but a sharing of herself in the most intimate way. He took his slick hard penis and rubbed it against her nether lips, teasing her.

Kathryn moaned softly.

Chakotay held her hips and slowly drove himself into her. He felt her inner muscles tremble around him and he groaned with pleasure. He established a slow tempo and one that Kathryn matched, pushing back. He leant over her, kissing her neck while his hands roamed over her stomach, grazing through her damp curls to tease her pearl and then back up to gently squeeze her breasts.

Her nipples hardened immediately. She didn’t think it was possible but her pleasure increased when he pinched her nipple. She needed more and she let out a guttural plea, “Harder … please.”

Again he obeyed. He sat back up driving himself harder into her and pinching her nipple even harder. His balls slapped against her.

It didn’t take them long to reach the edge again.

Kathryn felt the start of her climax deep within her. All her whole body tingled. It happened so quickly and it was unstoppable. Her muscles tightened around him. She threw her head back, her hands gripped the sheet as hard as she could and pushed back firmly against him. She groaned deeply and yelled out his name as her glorious climax tore through her in a blinding flash of pleasure.

He shuddered at the power of her orgasm. Her pulsing inner muscles triggered his release. After a few more thrusts, he came in long spurts with a deep throaty moan. He collapsed on top of her, panting and gasping for breath. His arms wrapped around her, holding her close while they both recovered.

Kathryn sighed. His hot, sweaty body and strong arms were like a warm cocoon, surrounding her. It felt wonderful. His hands caressing her stomach and breasts lightly while their breathing calmed down. Whenever his thumb ran over her nipple she would judder and twitch in the afterglow of her orgasm.

When he slipped out of her, she was slightly disappointed. She didn’t want to lose their most intimate connection.

Chakotay moved off her, lay down and then gathered her in his arms, kissing her tenderly. “I love you.”

Kathryn just couldn’t get enough of him saying those three words to her. For the first time in a long time, she felt completely relaxed and sated. “Chakotay, I love you.”

They continued to caress one another until they both drifted off to sleep.

***

STARDATE: 55067.28

FROM: Captain Kathryn Janeway

Service number: 51-delta-143

Commander, USS Voyager

TO: Admiral Farmer,

Director of Personnel

SF Headquarters, San Francisco

CC: Admiral Craig,

USS Voyager Senior Officer’s Review Board, Chairman

SF Headquarters, San Francisco

Captain Bruce,

Personnel, OC Retirement Department

SF Headquarters, San Francisco

SUBJECT: RETIREMENT NOTIFICATION

REF: SFPSNL-RET-5-1-1

ATT: SFPSNL-RET-DOC

1. Effective immediately, I am tending my resignation as per the above reference. See attached form.

2. Any further communication should be forwarded to my NOK, Gretchen Janeway, Bloomington, Indiana.

Kathryn Janeway, Captain

Commander, USS Voyager

Kathryn reread the memo. It was very short and to the point. She didn’t feel the necessity to embellish it or give an explanation. She was entitled to do it this way and so she did. The only Starfleet admiral that deserved an explanation was her old mentor, Owen Paris. And she would do that later on today.

She put her thumb print on the appropriate place to sign off on the memo. All she had to do now was to send it off. She looked at the send button but hesitated. She wondered what her father would think. This Starfleet was so different to her father’s Starfleet and the organization she so idolized as a child. A near disastrous war had done that. She hoped that her dad would understand and be happy for her.

Chakotay read his very similar short retirement memo. The only difference between his and Kathryn’s was his name and the addition of a new NOK form. Admiral Craig would be pissed but then Chakotay thought most of Command would just be glad to see the back of them.

He put his thumb print to it and sent it off and then looked up to see Kathryn looking at the padd, deep in thought. Was she having regrets? He hoped not but she was practically born in a black jumpsuit. Starfleet was in her blood. He walked over to her and asked softly “Kathryn?”

Kathryn heard his concern in his voice. As he touched her arm, any lingering doubts disappeared and she was convinced being with Chakotay was where she wanted to be. She pressed the send button on the padd and then turned to face him with a warm smile. “All done, Chakotay.”

Chakotay hugged her, wrapping his arms around her. He was happy.

“I love you.” Kathryn kissed him tenderly then broke apart and picked up her bags. “Let’s go, Chakotay.”

They headed for the Transporter station.

***

Chakotay and Kathryn walked up the stairs to the front door and dropped their bags on the porch.

Kathryn reached for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “Are you ready for this, Chakotay?”

He was a little nervous but if he could stare down a Gul or a Vidiian, he could cope with this. He smiled and pinched one of her favourite lines. “Let’s do it.”

She grinned back and then rang the door bell.

The door opened and Gretchen Janeway was shocked, not because her daughter was standing at her front door unannounced but because Kathryn was holding hands with her first officer, both obviously happy and very much in love.

“Mom, this is Chakotay. We need a place to stay …”

The end