Disclaimer: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount.

My request:

For Secret Santa, I would like to receive a J/C story, with character development and smut. Not too much angst, cause angst is evil and it hurts my brain. Well, not so much hurt as just makes me wanna get a big marker pen and ruin the computer monitor. :: Coughs :: Anyways, yeah, J/C story, character development, sex. Doesn't have to be in that order. Babies and/or death can happen, just as long as it's kinda realistic. Yaay realism!

And obviously, no Neelix, or Seven saving the day with the big, blue eyed, blonde hair'd "amazingness" she supposedly has (I will not rant, I will not rant)... Although, in Voyager, having Seven save the day is realistic... Damn, shot myself in the foot there... Meh, no Seven! :D

Summary: A The 37’s and Initiations addition. Sorry, there’s no Seven but there is a small cameo by Neelix. I hope that’s okay.

Special thanks to Elem for the beta. Thanks, mate.

Pull back the shield between us, and I’ll kiss you,

Drop your defenses and come, into my arms.

I’m all for believing, I’m all for believing.

I’m all for believing if you can reveal the true colors within.

~ All for believing by Missy Higgins

~~

“Right!” Chakotay leaned over and returned fire up the ridge.

The rest of the security team had heard the captain’s plan and laid down covering fire as well. After springing the ambush, the aliens had them pinned down. Although unable to move, Chakotay’s team could at least make sure that their enemy’s attention was solely on the security team and not the captain’s attempt to circle around the unknown foe to attack the aliens from behind.

Chakotay didn’t debate her actions or her orders. This wasn’t the time or the place. She appeared to know more about their situation and his team couldn’t move. Spirits! Just stay low, he thought.

Knowing that the captain had been in close combat many times before didn’t stop him from worrying. They didn’t know anything about these aliens, their strength, their weapons or defenses and she could be walking straight into God knows what. Although he’d only seen three soldiers, it didn’t mean that there weren’t more – and they could be any where.

If something happened to the captain, he wasn’t sure that he could carry on where she left off. She was their inspirational leader, calm under pressure, supportive to all her crew with a total belief that one day they would get home. He knew he could do the job but his heart wouldn’t be in it after losing his best friend. Chakotay was only just realizing that she was much more than a friend and stopped firing for a second as it all dawned on him.

A zing of an alien blaster close to his head quickly put an end to those distracting thoughts. There was no time to berate himself for his stupidity and nearly getting himself killed; he allowed his Starfleet training to take over. Concentrating totally on the matter at hand, he fired up the hill towards the aliens that were trying to kill Kathryn and them.

After what seemed the longest few minutes in his life, the firing from the ridge stopped abruptly. Chakotay looked at Tuvok. They didn’t say anything. They didn’t need to. Both were experienced enough to remain alert. Taking the time in the lull to check the status of the rest of the Away team, he asked, “Mike! Status?”

Mike Ayala and two of the security officers had found cover behind a rock when the firing had begun. “We’re fine, Sir.”

“Kashi?”

“We’re all okay too, Sir.” Kashimura’s group had taken up a position to the right of Chakotay and Tuvok. They’d covered Chakotay’s and Mike’s group from attack from behind.

“Keep alert!”

Chakotay wondered if the aliens were waiting for backup or changing location before their final assault. It’s what he would have done in a similar situation, but then he would have had more men to outflank them. It was sobering to think that if they’d had only six more soldiers, the Away team would all be dead by now because their position was that precarious, in a valley between two steep ridges. It was the perfect ambush site and he was angry with himself for not seeing this. They’d walked straight into it. He was only alive because their enemy didn’t have the numbers to cover all the three attacking lines of fire. Even if they’d attacked from only one more line than his team would have been in serious trouble.

He must be getting soft. After all, he’d taught Advanced Tactical training at the Academy.

First, he led them into an ambush and second, he’d then been distracted - both elementary errors. He vowed he wouldn’t allow that to happen again. He’d been lucky, so far, that his mistakes hadn’t caused any injuries or cost anybody their life.

Tuvok took out his tricorder and scanned the area for the same energy displacements that they’d detected before they’d been ambushed. There were none. “Commander, no other energy displacements detected.”

The tricorder only gave a broad location of the enemy and little else because of the peculiarities of the energy displacement. Tuvok was impressed at the ingenuity to deflect their sensors but was concerned that they could hide anything on this planet. This technology, on top of the trinimbic interference of the atmosphere, was a very effective cloak. Shuttles couldn’t go through atmosphere safely and most starships were not adapted to land like Voyager could. He agreed with Commander Chakotay’s warning for the Away team to remain alert and he was concerned for the captain’s safety.

“Thank you, Tuvok.”

Worried that she should have been there by now, Chakotay looked around the ridge to see if he could detect any movement.

“Janeway to Chakotay. Cease fire!”

“Captain?” He was suspicious. Alerted, he gripped his phaser tighter. After quick glance at Tuvok and the others, he could see they were worried too. Anything could have happened. His first thoughts were that she’d been captured and coerced. Unfortunately, he’d had experience with this tactic.

The Cardassians had used prisoners in this way, making the Maquis stop firing and then, when they’d broken cover to move forward, the bastards had attacked them. The Maquis couldn’t fire back because the Cardassians had been used the prisoners as human shields. He just hoped that she was all right but he had a sinking feeling that if she had been captured, then this wasn’t going to end well. In his experience, it never did.

“Do it.”

Her tone left no room for debate and Chakotay obeyed. “Aye, Captain.” He nodded to his team who relaxed a little and pointed their phaser to the ground but still remained alert.

He need not have worried. From the top of the ridge, he saw the captain and two aliens stand up and come into view. Their helmets were gone and they looked very similar to humans. The captain still had her phaser in her holster and the two humanoids appeared not to be armed but he wondered where the third one was.

“Commander, it’s all right. We’ve called a truce. I’m fine. The aliens are human. They thought we were someone else. Report.”

This time her tone was more relaxed and the relief was immediate and almost overwhelming. Chakotay stepped out from behind the large rock formation, took a deep breath, and thanked the Spirits that she was all right. “Captain, we’re all fine.”

“Good. Mr. Noonan was hit. Meet me by the cave ASAP.”

“Aye, Captain.” Chakotay could almost detect the relief in her voice that everyone was all right. Like any good captain; she cared tremendously about her crew.

He waved to the security team to follow him to the cave where they’d found the cryostasis units.

Janeway was already at the cave when Chakotay’s team arrived.

Harry knelt beside the wounded Fred Noonan applying pressure to his chest wound while the captain stood next to Amelia Earhart and the others, telling them that Fred would soon be in Sickbay receiving treatment and trying to alleviate their fears. All of the 37’s didn’t buy it. They thought that Fred Noonan was a dead man. He’d been hit in the heart and it was only a matter of time before he died right before their very eyes.

Chakotay walked up to his CO, who was standing on the other side of Harry. “Captain?”

“We need to get him to Sickbay.”

~~

Kathryn Janeway swirled the tepid remains of her coffee, mulling over the events of the day.

Harry had found a truck in space that was four hundred years old, and they’d followed its chemical trail and then found eight humans in cryostasis, including one of her childhood heroes, Amelia Earhart. On top of that, Voyager had discovered a colony of humans thriving on the planet over sixty thousand light years from Earth. The colony was made up from the descendents of three hundred humans who had been brought here as slaves by a race of aliens called the Briori.

If the Admiralty were to ever read her logs, she was sure that they wouldn’t believe her report. It was too unbelievable, but then she could say that for most of her reports over the last eight months. Voyager had been in more battles, made more enemies, made a few friends, and had discovered more unknown phenomena in such a short time than what most science ships would do in a lifetime.

Sometimes when she was alone in her quarters, where she didn’t have to be their steadfast and brave captain, she’d wondered if they were even going to see out their first year in the Delta Quadrant.

From the very beginning, they’d made an enemy in the Kazon who were still trying to destroy them. It seemed everywhere they went, someone wanted to blow them up, kill them and take their organs or take advantage of them. When she’d negotiated for goods with other aliens, she’d felt constantly on edge, thinking that they were going to swindle them or worse.

This wasn’t so with these people. Instantly, she knew she could trust John Evansville; after all he was a Terran like herself and a leader who cared deeply for his people. He’d even carried his wounded soldier out to his hover car by himself after they’d called the truce.

Mr. Evansville was very much like Chakotay, she thought with a smile. Even though she’d just met Mr. Evansville, they’d clicked just like when she’d met Chakotay. They both seemed quiet and understated but she’d sensed a simmering anger just below the surface. Both had been wronged in the past and she was drawn to them. There was no explanation for it nor was it logical. At the Academy and in Command School, she’d always been taught that respect and trust had to be earned but as soon as they began to talk to each other, she’d known straight away, for both men that she could trust them with her life if she needed to.

With Chakotay, this instant trust and respect had grown into such a deep friendship, borne out of spending many hours together, both on duty and not. He was simply her best friend. Kathryn had never made friends easily because she was such a driven person. At school, at the Academy and even after graduation, she’d studied hard, driving herself to be the best she could, leaving very little time for anything else.

Chakotay had also taken the first officer’s duty of looking after the captain’s welfare to heart. He made sure she ate well, slept and relaxed. When she’d been a first officer, she was sure that she’d never been as diligent toward her captain as Chakotay was with her. Why was that she wondered? The only answer that she could come up with was that he really cared about her.

*beep beep*

At the sound of her door bell, she gulped down the rest of her coffee and ended her musings. “Enter.”

Chakotay strode in stopping in front of her desk and stood at parade rest, hands lightly held behind his back. “Captain, the Doctor reports that Mr. Noonan will make a full recovery.” Chakotay paused. Her relief that Mr. Noonan was going to be all right was clearly evident. “Mr. Evansville will be here in twenty minutes. Tuvok will escort them to the briefing room and Neelix has prepared the refreshments.”

“Thank you, Chakotay.” Kathryn went back to reviewing a report.

Chakotay straightened up, knowing that she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say but he had to say it nonetheless. It was the hardest job for a first officer, keeping the captain out of harm’s way while still allowing the room for the captain to complete the mission. It was a balancing act that sometimes verged on insubordination.

When her first officer hadn’t moved to return to the bridge, she looked up. He’d squared his shoulders. She tried to hide her amusement because now Chakotay looked decidedly uncomfortable and she could tell that he wanted to say something that she might not like to hear.

“Was there something else?”

“Permission to speak feely, Captain?” He still stood at parade rest, but he squared his shoulders and were gripped his hands tightly together.

Curious at what this could be about, Kathryn allowed him to. “Go ahead.” He didn’t have to be this formal. It was unnecessary being the second in command. The captain needed him to tell her what he was thinking to ensure that she’d considered all possibilities and points of view.

“Captain, when they ambushed us in the valley, was there an opportunity for Ensign Kim to circle around to the rear instead of you?”

So this is what it’s about, Kathryn thought. It was too risky to have the captain involved in direct close combat. The captain should have more of a strategic view while the first officer handled the tactical side. In general, she agreed with that principle, but in this particular case, she hadn’t had any choice. She knew that he wasn’t questioning her ability to do what was required. It was more a matter of protecting what she represented which were the brains of the ship. She’d been on a ship where the captain had died on an Away mission. The dreadful numb feeling had lasted for weeks before they’d limped back to base. It hadn’t taken long for Starfleet to split up the crew. Most would never serve again with anyone from that ship.

To Kathryn, this was another indication of him taking his duties very seriously. He may have been a Maquis captain and more used to freer hand but as a Starfleet first officer, he followed the book.

“Please sit down, Chakotay.”

Seeing her half smile, he relaxed and sat down.

“I know what you’re trying to say. No, there was no time. When the shooting started, Harry went one way and I went the other. Mr. Noonan had been hit and the mouth of the cave had come under intense fire. Harry had run back into the open, dragging Noonan to safety.” Janeway was proud and a little scared of Harry’s heroic action. He could have easily been killed. “Remind me to commend him for that please.”

Chakotay nodded. Harry had come along way in such a sort time. He was no longer the green ensign who’d come to the ship straight out of the Academy that he’d met eight months ago.

“Anyway, Noonan looked in a bad way. Ms. Earhart went with Harry and Mr. Hayes was with me. They all looked in shock and frozen to the spot but they were behind decent cover and relatively safe. Harry had to stay and help Noonan while Mr. Hayes was fine where he was. I had the cover on my side of the cave all the way up the ridge so I decided to move instead of waiting for reinforcements from Voyager.”

Chakotay agreed with her assessment of her actions but he still didn’t like it. They’d been lucky. More of the enemy could have been on the ridge. She could have been captured, wounded or worse, killed. “I under-” His choked on the word, quaking at that thought. He’d lost so many of his Maquis friends in battle that he’d become insulated and hardened to loss. There’d just been no time to grieve or mourn for the losses before the next battle or raid, but the prospect of losing this one woman next to him scared him to death.

“I know, Chakotay.” Kathryn had seen the full gamut of emotions etched on his face, from pride at Harry’s actions to worry over hers. She’d been just as worried as he was and she realized that this had driven her actions. His team had been in a much worse position than she was and she’d done what she had to save him and them. She’d come to rely on his friendship, needing it and him to continue to be what the crew expected her to be. She couldn’t afford to lose that.

She couldn’t afford to lose him.

Kathryn lent forward, covering his hand with hers and then gently squeezing it.

Chakotay relaxed and slowly let out the breath he’d been holding. There was something more to this gesture, he thought. Kathryn would normally touch to comfort her crew but this was something much more. He returned her smile and rubbed his thumb over her hand. “Kathryn …” Kathryn didn’t flinch or move her hand away when his thumb stroked her hand. All his worries were still there but they were now overridden by a feeling of joy at her simple gesture.

“Thank you for caring,” Kathryn whispered.

He nodded and squeezed her hand back.

They came to an understanding, both realizing what they meant to each other without actually saying the words. It went beyond friendship or simple comrades. It was much deeper than that.

“Tuvok to Janeway.”

The moment was lost and they moved apart.

“Janeway here. Go ahead.”

“Captain, Mr. Evansville and his party are approaching the ship.”

“Very well, Tuvok. Mr. Chakotay and I will be waiting in the briefing room.”

“Aye, Captain.”

“Janeway out.” Kathryn stopped in front of Chakotay who had been waiting close to the door. She gently placed her hand over his heart and smiled warmly.

He’d been surprised for a moment and wondered if she felt his heart skip a beat when she touched him, returning her smile he followed her out of her ready room.

~~

“My home city is just over this hill.” John Evansville drove the hover car with quiet assurance over the rough terrain. Kathryn, Chakotay, Amelia Earhart and Fred Noonan were in the back on the vehicle, looking out of the windows for the first glimpse of the city.

John had still been in awe of the two 37’s in the car, bombarding them with questions. Every now and then, he repeated his apology for shooting Fred and for his part; Fred had told John repeatedly that it was okay.

Mr. Noonan was more interested in the hover car that they travelling in. He sat next to John to get a better view of the car and both two men talked back and forth endlessly about the car, its specifications and how it worked so much so that they’d ignored the other three passengers.

The other passengers sat back and enjoyed the ride, watching the scenery change from semi-arid desert where Voyager had landed to a more temperate green landscape as the miles ticked away.

Amelia smirked to herself. Fred was in his element, having a good time, talking shop with another man. Sometimes it was difficult for them to talk about many things in the same manner and now she had a reason why. He’d thought he was dying and he’d done the big Clark Cable movie star love scene, confessing that he’d loved her. Amelia had been so touched and soon she’d realized that she also felt the same but then the strange doctor had interrupted their wonderful death scene by miraculously healing him.

It wasn’t a big stretch to imagine a life with Fred since she’d already spent a great deal of time with him over the years. He was her best friend and even the press had thought they were together with the rumor of them staging their disappearance, to fly off together on a romantic adventure. Her elation had turned to disappointment, however, when he’d told her to forget what he’d said and although she said she had, it would be long time before she’d ever forget his declaration.

Amelia and Fred would stay on the planet. Without a plane to fly or a record to break, she wouldn’t need to push herself to the limit and beyond anymore, so she could choose to pursue other things. There was no need for her hide behind her public persona. In some ways, she was no different to the woman opposite her. Captain Janeway. They both struggled to be the best at the expense of their own happiness. She’d seen the way Janeway and Chakotay looked at each other. The Press was right - she didn’t know much about fashion or romance but even she could tell there was something between these two that they were trying to hide but failing miserably.

She’d thought about trying to hide her feelings, but not anymore as another smile grew when she looked at Fred. When they were alone, she’d tell him exactly how she felt about him and hope for the best.

~~

In Evansville’s office, the negotiations for food and mining some minerals had been successfully concluded. Voyager would remain on the planet for a few days and extract the various materials that they both required in exchange for fresh food and shore leave for her crew.

With everybody happy at the conclusion of their talks, Kathryn tried again to find more information about the Briori. She speculated that the Briori must had found a wormhole or used some unknown technology to get to Earth and back. “Is there anything more that you could tell us about how the Briori brought the 37’s here?”

“There isn’t much I can tell you, I’m afraid. As far as we could tell, the Briori ship that landed here was not the same ship that went to Earth to abduct the 37’s. We have no information on that other ship, their location or how they did it. The ship’s main computer was damaged in the final assault.” Again, John Evansville could see the disappointment etched on the two officer’s faces and he understood how it hard it must be for them. Their goal was to get home whereas the humans here couldn’t leave and now that this was their home, they wouldn’t want to leave. They’d made a very good life here. “All we know was that the Briori had a trade agreement with another race for the supply of food.” John’s voice became edgier as he continued, “This other unknown species was very similar to the Briori.”

“How so?” Kathryn asked.

Suddenly his anger boiled over. “They were both slave owners! We were brought here to be their slave workers to grow their food while we virtually starved or were slaughtered.” His fist clenched while he struggled to regain his composure.

Kathryn regretted being the cause of his outburst but she felt it was her duty to her crew to find out as much as she could of this enemy. She sympathized with John and she didn’t have to be an empath to feel his anger. The wound was still raw even though it had happened hundreds of years ago. He talked about it like it only happened yesterday. “Mr. Evansville, I am sorry if …”

Karen Berlin intervened. “It’s all right, Captain. You didn’t know.” Karen continued the story, allowing time for John to calm down. “The Briori, under the orders of the other race, slaughtered twenty women and men in front of everyone at the start of the revolt but that only fuelled their desire to be free. In less than a week, it was all over. Even though it happened four hundred years ago, it’s still fresh in our memories.” John’s anger was understandable as he’d lost a direct descendant. The story was the first one their children learnt at school. Their fear after being abducted by aliens, the tragedy of the slaughter and the revolt had defined them and they’d built their society on ensuring that the sacrifice of their ancestors had not been in vain.

Chakotay nodded in sympathy. He’d experienced similar brutality from the Cardassians.

“As John said before, after our ancestors killed all the Briori, they took their weapons, technology and anything else that they could use before destroying their ship. The Briori never came back and in the attack on their ship, the computer was damaged, and so our knowledge isn’t complete. We’re sorry we can’t help you.”

Chakotay wondered why the Briori had never returned. It was an obvious question. “Why didn’t the Briori return?”

“I don’t know. Although the land is fertile, the atmospheric interference makes landing on the planet extremely difficult. Perhaps it was easier and more profitable some where else. They’d shielded the farmlands very well and over time, we copied and then improved the Briori shielding technology to cover our cities, hiding us from space.”

“We certainly couldn’t detect your cities.”

“That’s good then.” John said. They’d succeeded in hiding their society very well. The fear of detection was still ever present and was the reason that they had a strong militia to defend themselves in case the Briori or anyone else returned. “Your ship is the only one recorded to have landed here successfully although two vessels had exploded in the atmosphere.

“From our experience, most of the aliens around this sector are not friendly.” Kathryn didn’t want to frighten them but they should at least be warned about the Vidiians and the Kazon. “When we entered this sector, we detected the farm truck and had beamed it aboard. We then followed the AM signal to this planet. I imagine other races could pick up the signal too. To protect yourself, I’d suggest that you move the plane and the truck under the cover of your city’s shielding and possibly turn off the power source to the cryostasis units as well.” She wanted to protect these humans from the hostile races from around this sector, knowing that they would be hard pressed to withstand an invasion from the Vidiians.

John and Karen looked at each other. Neither had considered that the plane or their shrine to the 37’s could be dangerous. The shrine was empty now that the 37’s had been reawakened. “That seems a sensible idea.”

“I’ll have my chief engineer, Lt. Torres beam the truck and the plane to wherever you’d like it.” They could only beam inanimate objects from one place to another using the cargo transporters but not personnel because of the trinimbic interference adversely affects the more sensitive personnel transporter’s targeting scanners.

“Thank you, Captain.”

Captain Janeway shook hands with John Evansville. “Mr. Evansville, thank you for the supplies and the offer of shore leave for my crew.”

Chakotay passed her a padd.

“I’d like to present to you the Federation’s historical database. It has a large section on Earth’s history as well as all the other planets that make up the Federation.”

“Thank you, Captain.” John bowed in appreciation. He couldn’t wait to read about what had happened to Earth after his ancestors had left.

~~

After leaving the Council building, Kathryn and Chakotay had taken up Karen’s offer to walk through the gardens that surrounded the government building for an hour or two before heading back to Voyager. They wouldn’t be required for several hours, until B’Elanna and Harry had finished surveying the planet to determine the best locations for mining.

Silently, the two Starfleet officers wandered through a wonderful ornate Japanese style garden. It was very similar to the one at the Academy with almost the same raked stone pattern, water features and bonsai. Even the elderly man tending the plants looked vaguely like Old Boothby, the feared and respected Academy gardener.

Kathryn looked back around as they reached the end of the path. For the first time in months, she felt a little homesick. This city resembled so many cities and places that she’d known on Earth. The sights, the smells, the noise and even the clouds in the sky looked so familiar.

For a brief moment, she entertained the possibility of staying here but that was quickly dispelled. She’d made a vow to herself and her crew that they would make it home one day. This was shore leave and nothing more.

Chakotay held the gate open for her as they left the garden and headed along a path.

Kathryn could just make out music that seemed vaguely familiar.

After turning a corner, they walked straight into a busy shopping district.

There was the hustle and bustle of families shopping, their kids smiling from ear to ear with excitement while couples, arm in arm, wandered slowly from shop to shop. The mall had been decorated with brightly colored tinsel and baubles and even a huge Father Christmas figure on the outside of a building.

Now Kathryn recognized the music filling the air.

It was a Christmas carol.

It was ‘Jingle bells’.

It was Christmas time.

A shop window had a sign in large lettering. ‘Only 5 more shopping days until Christmas Day’.

If she thought the garden had made her feel a little homesick then knowing it was Christmas time here definitely had. She’d completely forgotten about it being so used to using the stardate system on board Voyager.

Christmas had always been a special time for her and her family.

Memories of her childhood flooded back as she stared at the display, unable to move. Memories of laughing and smiling just like the children she’d just seen, of putting up the tree with Phoebe and seeing all the presents underneath it, wondering what she’d get, and then racing down the stairs on Christmas morning to finally rip them open in front of her happy parents.

Kathryn closed her eyes, thinking how contented and carefree she’d been then. She missed them all - Mom, Phoebe and especially her dad. It saddened her that more than likely she’d never see her mother again and possibly even her sister. They had such a long way to go across unknown territory.

Watching Kathryn’s reactions, Chakotay thought she’d been happy to see the children and the shops but then a wave of despair had washed over her face. He didn’t say anything, not wanting to push her as he waited by her side until he gently, almost tenderly placed a hand on her back to move out of the way of the general stream of traffic.

With a gentle squeeze of his hand, Kathryn acknowledged his reassuring presence and shook off her melancholic mood. It felt good to hold his large hand. After all it was Christmas time, she should be happy but soon she realized something wasn’t quite right. She looked around until she found what it was.

“Something’s wrong.”

“Sorry, Kathryn?” He could barely hear her above the noise of the crowd and the shops.

She leant closer and repeated what she said into his ear, a little louder so he could hear above the crowd noise.

“What is?” In the short time he’d known the captain, he’d come to trust her instincts. What wasn’t right? Were they in danger? His vow not to fall into a trap again had his senses primed, looking around trying to see what she saw.

Kathryn smiled watching his eyes dart around and his muscles tense. “Chakotay, relax. We’re in no danger.” She pointed at the crowd and at the shops. “It’s Christmas. It should be snowing.” Kathryn felt the mid afternoon heat on her face and the dampness of sweat under her tee. The temperature was in the low 30s Celsius. “It should be cold and we should be knee deep in snow not sweating and in T-shirts and shorts.”

Her Christmas memories revolved around roaring fires, roasting chestnuts, real Christmas trees covered in real snow. Not like the fake ones here that had white paper shredded to look like snow. Her mom had always cooked a big lunch with all the trimmings, and while it was cooking, her father would have taken Phoebe and Kathryn for a walk in the snow to work up an appetite. The walk would have invariably led to a snow ball fight, father versus daughters. They’d walk back into the house, soaking wet and cold but laughing all the way. Her mother had pretended to be angry and then shoo them all away to get changed.

Wishing one day that it would be her walking in the snow with her children, Kathryn smiled and then laughed out loud. Definitely, she would have to take her father’s roll, because like him, she could barely boil water. Her cooking skills were that atrocious.

Chakotay thought about what she said. On Earth, did people living in the southern hemisphere think the same thing or had they altered the traditions to suit the summer heat? He really had no idea, having not seen snow and not experienced a Christmas until he started at the Academy. “What about people living in the tropics or in the southern hemisphere or even those not living on Earth?”

“I don’t know. It’s just what my family did. I can’t explain it. It just doesn’t seem right.”

“It’s just what you’re used to.”

“I know.” Kathryn nodded. He was right. “It’s just hard. Its times like this, I feel the most homesick.”

“I understand. It’s a sacred holiday.”

“For some yes, but we weren’t religious. It had been more a celebration of family. As kids, that week had been the only time that we saw Dad out of uniform and in civilian clothes for more than a weekend. He’d only ever missed one Christmas that I can remember. And it had been the only real time that I’d ever saw my extended family all in the one place.”

“It meant a great deal to you.” Chakotay hoped that she’d elaborate. It was rare for Kathryn to emerge from the shadows of the captain.

“Yes, it did.” Kathryn smiled softly at all the wonderful memories then curiosity overcame her homesickness. Chakotay had to be the most spiritual man she’d ever known. He’d shown her how to contact her spirit guide which she surprisingly, she’d enjoyed. Although, they’d talked a little about their families and childhood, she didn’t know much about his culture but she was very interested in learning more. “What about you? Do you have any similar celebrations?”

As they window shopped, he told her of a few, starting with one of his favorites that celebrated the Winter Solstice that happened just before Christmas time. During the ceremony, the tribe would have performed the Bear Dance and had made special prayer sticks. The next day, all his extended family would have gathered for a big feast, and exchanged the prayer sticks.

For next couple of hours, they ambled through the malls, recounting more stories before they turned back to where their hover car had been parked and headed home to Voyager.

~~

At the gateway to the second city, the two guards on duty checked the vehicle thoroughly, inside and out. When they’d looked inside the cabin, a look of shock then anger flashed across their faces when they’d seen Lt. Torres and their looks weren’t missed by the occupants as they shifted uncomfortably in their seats. All the news reports from Phoenix had said the visitors were human than why did one look like a Briori? The guards thought angrily.

After the security check, the hover car slowly moved through the gateway and into the second city, New Boston.

“Welcome to New Boston!” Robson smiled pleasantly, hiding his true feeling with an expertise born of a career politician, unlike the two guards. They’d reacted with shock at meeting the Klingon, Torres. After all, the engineer did have facial ridges that at first glance made her look like a Briori.

Had John Evansville known about this woman and if so, why hadn’t he said anything to him when they’d talked? New Boston had been the site of the Briori massacre and the start of the revolution. He’d been proud of its rich history and they took it very seriously. Most of the militia was made up of citizens from New Boston and although, he’d gotten over his initial shock easily, he had no idea how the general public would react to seeing Torres who so eerily resembled their hated enemy.

Voyager’s captain had agreed to move the plane and the truck under cover to further protect them in exchange for a share of the ore they’d mined on the uninhabited southern continent and also some fresh supplies. He welcomed anything that would further protect them from invasion. “We’ll take a quick tour of my wonderful city and then we’ll go to the site.”

Kathryn looked out the window as the car slowly moved through the city streets. The buildings were almost in the same style as in Phoenix. Mr. Robson pointed out all historical sights – the monuments to their honored dead and to the place of the start of the revolution. They were very large and placed on a central hill so they could be seen from anywhere in the city. It seemed that this city was more conservative than Phoenix. Phoenix had gardens while New Boston had huge monuments to their fallen dead.

After a few minutes, their car turned into a large clearing and stopped on the side of the clearing, near a small gathering of officials and security guards. Near the officials, a large crowd of mostly school children and their parents had assembled to watch, curious about the newcomers.

Captain Janeway stepped out of the vehicle followed by Mr. Tuvok and then Lt. Torres.

On seeing Torres, a young child screamed and pointed to her. “Briori!”

This set off a panic.

Several children began to scream and blather about being killed or enslaved. Some ran off in a panic toward the car park, their mothers trying in vain to catch them before there was an accident, while others were frozen with fear to the spot, not even crying, as if they were catatonic. Their mothers tried in vain to calm them but four hundred years of nightmarish tales were now focused on one Klingon woman who happened to look like their feared enemy.

The captain weighed up the situation. “B’Elanna, please wait in the car.” It was obvious that the Klingon somehow resembled the Briori and this fear ran extremely deep even after four hundred years. For the sake of some mild embarrassment to her chief engineer, she thought Torres should wait in the car. She and Tuvok could set up the transport enhancers just as well as the Engineer could.

“Aye, Captain.” A year ago, if Chakotay had asked her to do that, she would have become aggressive and argued with him but not now, she had responsibilities to her ship and to her captain, and she took no pleasure in frightening young children so she returned to the car without argument.

The city mayor continued to show them their plans as waved arm his around at the empty block of land trying to ignore the still wailing and panicky children. “This is the where we’d like to house the sacred vehicle.” An area that was the size of a football field had been cleared to house the old truck. Robson hoped that this procedure wouldn’t take long. He knew by the reaction of just the two guards that there may be trouble if these Voyagers lingered. As nonchalantly as possible, Robson asked, “How long will the procedure take?”

“Not very long, Mayor. With your permission, Tuvok and I will set up the transport enhancers.” Kathryn also felt the need to expedite the transfer, if these human’s reactions to one person was anything to go by. In retrospect, she should have kept the Away teams to humans only. Had she’d remembered that John Evansville had gotten very angry just by talking about something that happened four hundred years ago and she’d taken Lt. Carey with her instead of Torres than the reaction of guards and children alike wouldn’t have happened. How was she to know that Klingon brow ridges were similar to Briori ones?

Half of her could sympathize with them. God only knows what would have happened if she’d had a phaser when Seska’s true identity had been revealed or if she’d ever see another Cardassian again, but the other half wondered if the passing of four hundred years had been a sufficiently long enough time to, not necessarily forget what had happened to them because that would be wrong, but to somehow find a way to move on from it. It could be a topic for discussion with Chakotay to get his prospective on it. The Native Americans had suffered at the hands of various conquerors for well over seven hundred years and still had.

“Please. Do what you need to do.”

In a few minutes, the six enhancers were set up in a circle and switched on. They were ready for the transfer.

Robson had the shield turned off after confirming everything was ready.

“Janeway to Chakotay.”

“Chakotay here.”

“Beam the truck in.”

“Aye, Captain. Stand by.”

The familiar shimmering sound of a transport in progress filled the air and within a few seconds, the old Ford truck appeared before them. The remaining crowd forgot about B’Elanna and stood in awe at this piece of original 37’s equipment.

“Transport complete, Commander.”

“Aye, Captain. Chakotay out.”

Mr. Robson organized raising the shield again before turning toward the captain, smiling from ear to ear and shook her hand. “Thank you, Captain.”

“That’s all right, Mr. Robson. I’m glad we could help. Although, I am sorry for the reaction that my officer caused,” Kathryn apologized.

“That’s okay, Captain.”

“With your permission, we’d like to return to my ship now.” Kathryn realized that Robson was trying to speed things to avoid any further incidents and more importantly so he that could touch the Ford.

Robson barely heard what she said. He couldn’t take his eyes off the truck so he nodded and quickly said his goodbyes. To the humans in these cities, it was an important religious icon.

~~~

“Come in.” Kathryn continued to stare at the cloudy blue sky, her head resting on her hand.

Chakotay strode in and walked up to her. “Here's the damage report you asked for.”

“Thank you.” Kathryn took the padd from him, not bothering to even look at it, finding it very hard to concentrate as she returned to stare out her viewport.

“Is something wrong, Captain? You've seemed a little distracted ever since we came back from the cities. Weren't you impressed?”

A small wry smile grew on her face. Trust Chakotay to pick up her mood - very little got past him. “A little too impressed.”

“What do you mean?” He’d been impressed by Phoenix too.

“There’s a thriving, sophisticated culture on this planet. Of human beings! In some ways, walking around those cities was almost like being back on Earth.”

“It was a little eerie. It reminded me of home too.”

“Evansville has offered to let any of our crew stay.” Her voice was almost a whisper, not really wanting to voice his tempting offer. It was appealing even to Kathryn, easily imagining a life here without the constraint of command, freeing her from those shackles and allowing Kathryn time to flourish and pursue whatever she wanted. They were safe. There were no Kazon or Seska here ready to blow them into a million bits. No Vidiians wanting to harvest their organs and God only knew what else out there to destroy Voyager.

She looked up straight into Chakotay’s dark eyes and she realized that Chakotay would have to be part of that life - wherever that was. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like without him. In just eight months, Chakotay had gone from being the dangerous Maquis traitor she’d been sent to arrest to her best friend, but he was so much more.

Kathryn loved Chakotay. Deeply. It was as simple as that.

Kathryn hadn’t believed in love at first sight but then she hadn’t met Chakotay. She’d known that she loved him from the moment he’d beamed onto her bridge. Not only was he handsome, he was a man of integrity and deep convictions. She’d tried to deny her feelings, to hide them, to bury them in her duty and work, to invent reason why they couldn’t be together. And to fight them, but now she tired of the fight. There was just no escaping what she felt and that realization hit her full on.

The spark between them that was there on the bridge that first day was still there. She’d felt it and was sure that Chakotay had too just by the look that they’d shared, but she had no idea how he felt now. He was just as adept at hiding his feelings as she was, hiding behind a wall of duty and his position. Their shields had been up and their defenses strong to protect them from past hurts.

She sighed deeply, covering the mass of emotions that bubbled within her.

“What will you do about that?” What would he choose? Could he make a life on this peaceful beautiful planet or would he continue on, facing the unknown by his captain’s side? He knew in his heart that Kathryn would choose to go on trying to reach the Alpha Quadrant. And whatever she did, he’d follow. His place was by her side.

Kathryn stood up, anxious. “Maybe this is one of those decisions the Captain has to make for the entire ship.”

“You may have a problem if a lot of people want to stay.” He worked out what the minimal number of crew would be to operate the ship but they really couldn’t afford to lose anyone.

“I know that, but at the same time I can't take a vote every time there's a major decision to be made. And yet, we're a long way from Starfleet and a lot of the rules and regulations I've learnt to uphold seem distant as well.” Kathryn sat back down. Protocols and regulations determined how the lived and she only hoped that Chakotay may have gotten her subtle hint, but she would have to wait until he made the first move. “Am I the only one who's so intent on getting home? Is it just me? Am I leading the crew on a forlorn mission with no real hope of success?” She only hoped that Chakotay wouldn’t decide to stay on the planet. She couldn’t imagine doing this without him but she could also say this about the entire crew.

Chakotay shook his head. “You're not alone.” Reaching out, he took her hand in his, tenderly squeezing it reassuring her. When he saw the joy and then despair flash over face, he wanted to comfort her, to say to her to her that she didn’t have to do it alone. He wanted to share her joy and to comfort her when she felt sad. “I’ll be here with you, always. Wherever you go is where I want to be,” he whispered.

Cracking with emotion, his voice failed him suddenly, afraid to finally say what his heart had known for a long time and that he’d suppressed. If only he had the courage to come out and say that he loved her instead of hiding it behind words of comradeship. Chakotay watched Kathryn’s reactions. It was days like this that sometimes he wished he was a telepath, to be able to know what she was thinking or more importantly, feeling. From his own experience as a captain, he’d hid what he’d really felt behind his captain’s mask just as he’d hid his true feelings for her.

Then it was clear.

Dark orbs met blue.

He loved her.

She loved him.

“Chakotay …” Her other hand found his and whispered, “Do you really mean that?” Kathryn heart pounded, her voice soft but full of emotion. Those damn protocols were still there. The senior officer in a chain of command should not initiate a romantic relationship. She couldn’t say the words her heart screamed for her to say. Yet, she hoped.

“Kathryn…” Chakotay searched her face, staring into her eyes. She’d held his hands and looked at him, waiting, hoping, for something. What was it? She’d just talked about Starfleet rules and then he remembered the one rule that applied to them, in particular. Fraternization. She was waiting for him to make the first move because she couldn’t. As the senior officer, she wasn’t allowed to. She’d waited until he held her hand before she held his and now she was waiting for him to take the next step.

Silently, he said a prayer to the Spirits, giving him the strength to say the words from his heart. “Kathryn, I love you.” He’d been hurt before and so had Kathryn and so his declaration of love was not something to be given away lightly.

Kathryn sighed. “I love you, Chakotay.”

They smiled at each other, with relief, joy, hope and happiness. So many emotions flowed through them.

For a few seconds, they just looked at each other until Kathryn found the courage to move first. Her finger tenderly, almost cautiously traced over his tattoo, following the dark lines across his bronze temple, until the lines disappeared into his hair. Her fingers feathered through his short black hair, imagining where those lines went.

Trembling under the spell of her velvety touches, he’d only remembered to breathe until after her hands finished their journey through his hair. Finally, he recovered enough to cup her face. He studied her, taking it all in – her brilliant blue eyes, her crooked smile, and her hair. This was so different from the captain where he’d seen her strength of character, determination, intelligence and her compassion for her crew. This was so different. This was Kathryn. Here, her smile was only for him. Here, her love plain to see and he wanted to seal their love. He ran his thumb lovingly over her red lips then leant forward, tenderly kissed her and then wrapped his arms around her, embracing her. It wasn’t a passionate kiss and it didn’t last long but it was everything he hoped it would be. It was a promise of something more.

“Oh Chakotay …” Kathryn licked her lips. Those lips and the rest of her body tingled from his kiss and his embrace. She’d felt his heartbeat, his warmth and his passion and it had been mind-blowing. If just a simple kiss made her tingle over, what would he do when together they could unleash all of their passions? Oh, how she wanted to kiss him again, to hold him, to be with him, but that would have to wait. Duty called. She placed her hand over his heart. “Later, my love.”

Chakotay nodded. “I understand.” And he did. It was easier than he thought to switch back to Commander and Captain than he’d thought possible. He had her promise for later and her love, and Kathryn would keep her promise. Of that, he had no doubt. He let go her hands and moved back to a more respectable distance from her to emphasize his determination to be professional and to show her that he could be what she needed him to be when she needed it, knowing that the ship and the crew would always come first. At the start of their journey, Kathryn had made a promise to her crew. To get them home and she would. This was irrefutable as well. “Captain…”

“Thank you, Commander.” She recognized his switch and one of her main fears disappeared straight away. Could he remain professional on duty was answered straight away. With that discovery, they got down to business. They had to consider Evansville’s offer. Some of the crew may want to stay but others probably wanted to continue the journey home.

“Do you want to go home?” Kathryn asked.

“I want to go home. And there's not a day that goes by when I don't hear someone mention Earth.”

She wanted to go home too but she was playing the Devil’s advocate, pointing to her viewport. “The people here have built a new Earth. We could stay and help them build a human civilization in the Delta Quadrant. Isn't that an exciting prospect? Shouldn't we be grateful for the opportunity they're giving us?”

“It is a tempting prospect, but when I hold it up against the prospect of seeing the sun rise over the Arizona desert, or swimming in the Gulf of Mexico on a summer’s day, then there's just no comparison. I want to go home.” He would have added that he wanted to share those things with her but he remained quiet.

“We have one hundred and fifty two men and women on this ship.” She was restless, unsure of what her crew would do. “What happens if half of them decide to stay on the planet? Could we operate Voyager with 75 crew members?”

“I doubt it. In fact, I don't think we could operate the ship with fewer than one hundred. If too many of the crew chooses to stay behind we could all be stranded here.”

Kathryn breathed in deeply. Her duty to her crew was clear in her mind. She had no right to make this sort of decision for them. “Tell all hands to prepare for an announcement from the Captain at fourteen hundred hours. They deserve to make the choice for themselves.” If they had to stay on the planet, then lessening the blow of not getting back to Earth would be that they would be together.

“Aye, Captain.” Chakotay rose, nodded and then left the ready room to follow her orders.

~~

The captain and the commander stopped in front of the cargo bay doors.

“I'm not sure I want to go in.”

He’d seen her stare down the Kazon and the Vidiians without blinking an eye but he’d never seen her look as vulnerable or nervous as she was just now. The prospect of losing her dream to go home was just beyond those doors and it scared her. Reassuringly but tentatively, he placed his hand on her shoulder. It wasn’t only a gesture of comradeship. It was also a gesture of the newfound bond between them.

Her head turned toward him and he looked up into his eyes, needing reassurance that all would be well.

“No matter what happens, we'll make it. Remember that.” He gave her what she wanted, what she needed it.

She smiled back at the wonderful caring man beside her. All would be well. He would be with her, either on the planet or on the ship. It didn’t matter.

Hiding her nerves, she strode confidently into the bay, stopped a few paces in and then looked around.

It was empty.

A sense of relief that they could continue on their way back to Earth and then pride that her crew would make that journey with her welled up within her and threatened to burst out in a flood of tears. She only hoped that she would live up to the faith that her crew had placed on her.

Chakotay closed the gap between them and gently hugged her, allowing her a little time to recover, before making their way back up to the bridge to prepare for their departure.

~~

“Thank you, Neelix. That was wonderful.” Putting their trays in the recycler, Kathryn smiled at the Talaxian with a good deal of amazement. Finally, he’d prepared a wonderful dinner without spoiling it with Leola root or too many Talaxian spices. She didn’t need an upset stomach on top of butterflies from nerves as she’d just asked Chakotay back to her quarters. They’d shared working and social dinners in her quarters before, but it would be different now.

“I’m glad you liked it, Captain.” Neelix fussed with the condiments, unused to all the praise from the crew while Kes just grinned, knowingly. All he had done was to cook some dishes from Earth with Kes helping and telling him to keep them authentic as possible.

“Thank you, Neelix.” Chakotay’s stomach was also grateful for Kes’ help.

“Good night, Captain.” He nodded then to Chakotay. “Good night, Commander.”

Chakotay ushered Kathryn out of the Mess hall toward the turbolifts.

Neither spoke on the journey but Kathryn was acutely aware of his presence as he stood by her shoulder and as they walked along the corridors.

Chakotay thanked the Spirits that they’d met no one on their short trip down one deck. If he’d met B’Elanna or Tom Paris, he was sure that they would be able to read his mind, sensing his excitement. During their dinner, they’d chatted further about her Christmas traditions and his ceremonies and he’d thought they’d acted normally just like they’d always done. The laughing and the banter had been normal but when their legs had accidentally bumped under the table, little jolts of want shot through both of them and it had been very hard to hide their reactions.

When they reached her quarters, Kathryn keyed in her code and ushered him in. “Please come in. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Walking over to the viewport, Chakotay stared out at the white streaks that the stars made at warp as he listened to the captain ask the bridge duty officer for a ship’s status report. The sector they were traveling in was clear of planetary systems, anomalies and anything else that might require their attention. Kathryn had taken care of ship’s business first as she should have and he understood that whatever was going to happen next, the ship and her crew was their top priority for both of them. He vowed to himself that he would make the best of whatever they could have together.

“Computer, reduce lighting to twenty percent.”

Gone was her serious tone as her voice had softened and Chakotay’s nerves increased with the anticipation. Chortling to himself, he thought he was old enough and experienced enough not to be nervous, but he was.

Soft starlight filled the room and for a second or two, Kathryn watched the silhouetted Chakotay standing against the backdrop of the starlight. Was he as nervous as she was? Probably, she thought, but the need to touch him overcame any nerves. She stood behind him, slowly slipping her arms around his waist, and then moved them up to his chest. Contentedly, she closed her eyes and rested her head on his back.

His hands covered hers, and he leaned back against her and sighed. This is where he wanted to be.

Although the hug felt good, Chakotay wanted more – so much more. He wanted to it all.

Kathryn had a bottle of wine that she’d kept for a special occasion so she stepped back a little, her hands still on his waist, not willing to break their connection, not willing to let him go even for a second. All her dreams were about to be fulfilled and her heart raced at the prospect but she didn’t want to rush him. Her heart wanted to take his hand and lead him to her bedroom, slowly shed their clothes and make love with him and that prospect was making her panties wet, but her head told her to slow down. “Would you like something?” Her head won out.

Straight away, Chakotay felt himself harden just by hearing her throaty voice. Did she know how sexy her voice was? He wanted nothing more than to carry her off to her bedroom and make love with her all night long, but he didn’t want to rush her or scare her. He turned around and rested his hands on her hips, intending to ask her for a tea but when he saw her face almost dripping with as much naked desire and want as he had; there was only ever one answer. “You.”

Her body’s reply was swift, her heart leapt and that unmistakable throbbing sensation of need filled her groin. And that only doubled upon seeing his tented pants, knowing he was aroused too. She couldn’t remember ever getting like this even though they hadn’t kissed properly yet. “Then I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours.”

Her hands roamed over his chest, kneading his muscles through the fabric of his uniform.

“Kathryn, I love you. I want to make with you love but I need to know …” Chakotay needed to know that she was sure. There was no way that he would ever hurt her.

Shaking her head a little, she marveled at how wonderfully caring Chakotay was. She stopped him by wrapping her arms around his neck, and kissing him thoroughly as she ground her hips against his erection, hoping that her actions would be clear and decisive enough to leave him in no doubt about what she wanted but she also added in between the kisses, “Chakotay, I love you. I’m sure. I want you. Now.”

Breathless from her kisses and blessed that she wanted him; all he could do was nod before he needed to kiss her back. He wanted to run his fingers through her long hair, to undress her, to love her. And he would do all that. Soon. “Oh Spirits …” Chakotay took her in his arms, holding her close, almost melding them into one being and then kissed her passionately, their tongues danced together and their moans of pleasure were muffled by the joining of their lips. His hands feathered up and down her back and then pulled back a little. Her hair. He wanted to see it down. “Kathryn, please, your hair.”

Happy to oblige, Kathryn stepped another pace back and released her bun and with a seductive flick of her head, the auburn locks fell loosely over her shoulders. When his fingers combed through her long soft hair, Kathryn closed her eyes. Feeling him gently push her hair to one side, he kissed and sucked around her neck and behind her ear and purring at his sweet touches, she wondered how she was still standing, her knees felt so weak. Her head tilted back, exposing more of her sensitive neck, craving his tender nips and kisses. “Chakotay …”

Her throaty moans fueled his hunger, but now it was his turn to groan as she caressed him enticingly. Her hands seemed to be everywhere all at once, massaged his bottom or his chest, running through his hair or rubbing along his aching erection.

After another deep kiss, her heart overruled her head and she took him by the hand and led him into her bedroom, stopping at the foot of her bed. The urge to see all of him and to feel him move inside her was so overwhelming that she quickly unzipped his jacket and took it off along with the turtleneck. His tee came next, lifting it over his head and she was awestruck. Her hand roamed over his bronze skin, smiling as his muscles trembled wherever her fingers went.

The look of naked lust on her face was incredible. Chakotay’s body shuddered as her fingers feathered over his broad chest, jolting every time her thumb tweaked a nipple. Her fingers playfully circled and then tugged at the soft tufts of hair around his stomach and then she teased him, driving him wild by only slipping a finger between his pants to run through his coarse hairs but never quite touching his penis.

It was Chakotay’s turn now. He unzipped her uniform jacket and then off came her turtleneck. Kissing her as his hands tugged the singlet out of her pants; he lifted it over her head. His first look at her full breasts and lithe body took his breath away. He couldn’t say anything so he kissed her again as his hands roved over silky white skin until they stopped at her bra strap, undoing it and tossing it onto the chair.

“You are so beautiful, Kathryn,” Chakotay whispered. His erection twitched as he watched her soft mounds move with each breath.

“Thank you, my love.” Kathryn gleamed at his compliment, never thinking of herself as beautiful.

As his mouth latched onto one nipple sucking and nipping, he lightly squeezed her other breast while his thumb tweaked over her dark nipple. Both peaks hardened immediately.

“Oh God!” Shards of delight erupted within her and headed straight for her throbbing clit. Kathryn shivered and gasped with pleasure, tossing her head back as he held her to him.

When Kathryn couldn’t wait any longer, she pushed him away and toed off her boots. She took off her trousers, panties and socks. “Kick off your boots.”

Chakotay gladly complied and his fleeting glimpse of her naked stunning form in front of him would be etched forever in his memory.

Kathryn dropped to her knees in front of him and undid his pants. She wasted no time in pushing them and his boxers down to his ankles and then helping him step out them, leaving him naked before her. Now it was her turn to be impressed. His earthy male scent and his thick erection jutting out proudly just centimeters from her face nearly had her come there and then.

“Chakotay … you’re gorgeous.” Her eyes raked over all his body and were soon followed by her hands, delicately moving over his thighs and through his dark wiry curls. Her fingers then nimbly worked their way along his length, scraping, teasing, swirling around his dark tip, and then traveled along the underside before she gently cupped his balls, feeling their heavy weight.

A grunt of pleasure and ache rumbled through his chest as his hands rested on her head, his fingers moving in time with her movements. Watching her sensual tongue replace her finger as it languidly snaked its way up and down the shaft, he was on fire. His penis twitched and jumped, and her hands held him to her, not letting him move. Did she know how close he was? Probably, he smirked. He didn’t want to move but he had to. When he came, he wanted to be inside her.

“Kathryn… please … stop. I need to be inside you.” He didn’t wait for an answer; stopping her hands and helping her stand up. With his hands on her lean shoulders, he pushed her backwards until she tumbled onto the bed.

Kathryn smiled, edging backwards towards the pillows. The carnal look on his face told her that she’d nearly brought him to the brink of bliss. Maybe another day would she go all the way but today, she needed him to be inside her too. When she reached the end of the bed, she centered herself and spread her legs, ready for him, inviting him to take her, to have her, willingly and completely. She wouldn’t need any further encouragement by the amount of moisture dripping down her thighs. “Chakotay … make love with me.”

On hands and knees, Chakotay followed her onto the bed, amazed at how arousing it was to see her breasts gently bounce as she breathed and the glistening moisture dripping off her curls. Her scent drove him wild and all rational thought ceased. Gone was his slow exploration of her before finally completing their connection. He wanted to be inside her now.

Kissing, biting and nipping his way up her stomach, he smiled at her responses as she squirmed and groaned under him, her eyes had closed and the look of elation was clear to him. Continuing upwards, he paid particular attention to her breasts and neck before rising up on his elbows, his length settled between her welcoming thighs, teasing her hot center, rubbing against her slick folds. “Look at me.”

As soon as she opened her eyes, she could see his love plainly. It was written all over his face, in his smile and in his eyes. It was as if he could look right into her heart and into soul and she only hoped that he could see that she loved him just as much as he did her. “Chakotay -”

Chakotay didn’t give her time to say anything else as he rammed his cock all the way to the hilt. Gasping, they stilled, savoring this most intimate moment, and burning it into their memories.

So wet and wonderfully tight, Chakotay thought, as he kissed her.

With a wanton smile, she locked her legs up around his waist for deep penetration and clenched her inner muscles around him. Wanting him to start, she tilted her hips up and down before he took over. Her arms held on to his bottom as he began to thrust into her, setting a frantic pace, each stroke harder than the next, grunting her name as he entered her. All she could do was hang on he pounded into her, over and over.

Passionate cries and groans were coming from both of them, spurring them on even more. There was nothing gentle about their lovemaking but it was wonderful nonetheless. And, it wasn’t going to last all that long.

Her nails dug and scored his back as she felt the first pangs of orgasm beginning deep within her, that exquisite, indescribable moment when she realized an involuntary chain reaction had started and there was nothing she could do stop it, not that she wanted to fight it.

With her control broken, her breathing turned to ragged pants and she writhed under him. She was close and so was he. Bucking her hips upward, driving him in deeper, her body strained and then arched and then the wave of spasms exploded into a fireball of pleasure as Chakotay pumped into her. “Chakotay!”

He couldn’t take it anymore and with a low guttural cry, he came long and hard, spurting deep inside her and then collapsed on her, breathless.

Together they lay there as one, gasping for breath, their hearts pounding, still shuddering with the after shocks of pleasure and reveling in their closeness.

Eventually Chakotay rolled off her but he gathered her in his arms. “I love you.”

“I love you, Chakotay.” Kathryn placed feather light kisses on his cheek.

“Thank you, my love.”

“That was wonderful,” she whispered into his ear.

“Hmmm… You were wonderful.” Quivering and moaning deeply, as her hand snaked its way down the contours of his body and over his hip, his body slick and hot.

“I’m sorry … I fought this for so long.”

With a twinkle in his eye, he teased, “How long would that be?” He had a fair idea when that was.

She tenderly stroked his cheek before turning him toward her, and pulling them together, their lips nearly touching before she answered, “From the first day we met.”

~~

Ten days later:

“Computer, halt recording.” Kathryn finished her report, walked over to the replicator, and ordered a coffee. Sipping the hot brew, she contemplated the last twenty hours.

If this had been the Alpha Quadrant, she might have faced a Board of Inquiry. A destroyed shuttle; an officer under her command had technically held a minor prisoner, then that same prisoner had escaped and captured that same officer. On top of all that, she and Tuvok had led an Away mission to a heavily fortified enemy moon that left no senior officers on board Voyager, meaning a lieutenant had been in command to face that same sworn enemy’s ship in orbit. All of these could have been serious charges against her back home. This was of the few occasions where it was all right to be sixty years from Sol.

Not one for second-guessing herself, the only fault she could find was having both Tuvok and her off the ship, together. It was easily fixed - in the future, she’d work more closely with Tuvok’s number two, Mike Ayala, so Tuvok could be in command if she needed to be on the Away team. Although, she smirked, she might have a fight on her hands with Chakotay to be part of an Away team.

Chakotay.

She closed her eyes and rubbed her tired eyes, she hadn’t slept since they’d discovered he was missing. Shaking her head, she amazed herself at how well she’d coped during the last twenty-four hours.

There had been the discovery of one debris field and then another, and then finally when Chakotay’s had told her over the com that he was a prisoner of a Kazon and to prepare for a code white resuscitation, her heart missed a beat. Any one of these events could have meant the death of Chakotay, but thankfully, he’d survived. She’d been, and still was, eternally grateful to the Spirits that watched over him.

Just as she’d been worried whether he could remain professional if they’d begun a relationship, she had the same worries. And, just as Chakotay had, she’d passed that first hurdle with flying colors. Yes, she was concerned, worried, and perhaps, even a little terrified, but all through it, she’d remained focused, as she’d always been in a crisis. In the few breaks when she was by herself and she didn’t have to be the stoic Captain Janeway, she’d remained positive, believing wholeheartedly that they’d find her lover and first officer. Somehow, and she had no explanation as to why, she’d known that he was still alive.

Kathryn had known it in her heart and in her soul. He was the other half of her soul. If he’d died then so would have she. It was as simple as that. The last ten days have been the best in her life, she couldn’t be happier. They loved each other and they were great together.

Remaining professional, she’d spoken to him briefly in the transporter room with concern and relief as she’d normally done as his captain. His only injury had been a wrenched and swollen knee from the emergency beaming to the moon. She’d sent him to sickbay for treatment while she’d gone to the bridge for a quick status report and then she’d been off duty since.

And now, she was awaiting his return, drinking her coffee, leaning on her desk.

The door peeped.

“Enter.”

Chakotay stepped through the threshold and walked up to her. “Kathryn …” He wanted to say so much but the words were stuck in his throat. She looked just as tired and exhausted as he did.

Looking at his uniform and him, he looked like hell – dirty, unshaven and his uniform was covered in dust and dirt with several scorch marks from console explosions. She put her coffee cup on the table, stood up and then attempted to get the dust off the red part of his uniform jacket; her fingers flicked away the dust or the burnt material from his shoulders.

As she cleaned the dust off, the control that she thought she had began to slip as her emotions bubbled to the surface and she couldn’t speak. The fear of losing him and of having to find a way to go on without him were high on the list. It was some comfort to her that at least she’d known what it was to love him, to be loved by him and to make love with him. Realizing that if she hadn’t told him that she loved him it would have been a very different story. She’d have regretted that for the rest of her life.

However, she would have carried on either way but still it would have been better not to go through it all. Tomorrow, she’d talk about ways that he could honor his father with out leaving the ship. The Delta Quadrant is not a safe place like back home. It was dangerous and filled with unknowns. An officer couldn’t go out in shuttle by themselves to perform a religious rite like you could in the Alpha Quadrant. Voyager couldn’t afford to lose any crew member and that particularly applied to the senior officers just as they’d said to each other a few days ago in the cargo bay.

Chakotay stood passively, too tired to contemplate anything but a shower and bed, as she swatted away the dust and allowing her the time she needed. It must have been horrible for her, not knowing whether he was alive or dead. His thoughts as he’d lay awake in the cave, waiting to see if Kar would kill him or not, had been of Kathryn. He’d wanted the last thing he ever thought about to be of her and her love for him. If he’d died, her love would sustain him until they were reunited in the Spirit world.

Stroking his bristles, Kathryn looked into his dark eyes. “Don’t do that to me again, Commander.” It wasn’t quite an order or a plea but something in between. It was an admission that she didn’t want to go through that again.

“Aye, Captain.”

“How’s your knee?”

“All fixed.”

“Good. That’s settled then.” She kissed him lightly, smiled and then took his hand. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Kathryn …”

“Ssshhh. Later. Allow me. Please.” Kathryn led him into her bathroom and undressed him, throwing his soiled uniform into the recycler. Turning the shower on and waving for him to get in while she undressed.

Chakotay just dipped his head under the stream of water, allowing it run over his neck, the hot water easing the tension and stress away. No sleep and facing death several times had been exhausting. He didn’t hear Kathryn come into the shower but he felt her soft hands surround him, caressing his chest while her damp curls and her nipples scrape against his bottom and back. Despite being exhausted, he could feel the first hint of arousal and wanted to Kathryn to feel it too. He needed to wrap his arms around her, to kiss her, and so much more. “Kathryn …”

“Relax … my love. Let me.”

How could he relax when she excited him just by a kiss or a simple touch? He scoffed but nodded. He closed his eyes and allowed her to do whatever she wanted with him.

After a quick hug, she picked up the soap and began to clean his back, across his broad shoulders and down his arms. With each pass of her hands, she could feel the tension leave his body and he relaxed. Kathryn turned him around to work on his front while the soap was rinsed off his back. Starting at his shoulders, she slowly worked over his chest muscles, fascinated as they twitched under her touch. Next, she cleaned his flat stomach and its thin tufts of hair. Sinking to her knees, in front of his semi-engorged penis, she smiled and chose to ignore her need to touch his length. That would come soon enough.

After she kissed his now healed knee, she worked down his left leg and then back up to his groin. Reaching to clean the back of his leg, her head accidently rubbed against his now stiff length.

By the time she’d finished his other leg; he was well and truly aroused as his penis jumped with her every touch. Firm fingers massaged his thighs, caressed his buttocks and seeing her naked and so close to him excited him even more. A murmured groan of yearning escaped his lips.

With a gentle push, she pushed him back into the stream of the water to rinse off. Satisfied he was now clean, she kissed him lightly on the cheek. Hmmm … those bristles … What they could do to her. She couldn’t wait but for now, she had a mission to complete.

Turning off the water, she led him out of the bathroom to their bedroom, grabbing two towels along the way. With one towel, she dried him all over, gently rubbing the towel over his caramel skin. Pleased with her efforts, she kissed him tenderly on the lips and sat him down on the bed while she wiped herself dry.

Toweling her hair in long slow circles, she accentuated her movements, making her breasts bobble and her hips sway. She watched Chakotay eye her all over - he swallowed hard and his length shuddered in expectation. A smile grew as she heard him softly groan, loving the feeling of turning him on. There was a look of disappointment on his face when she covered her breasts with the towel, but that changed to desire when her hands ran over the mounds, squeezing them, and fondling her nipples, whetting herself for what would she knew would come later.

Tossing the towels in the corner, Kathryn stood between his legs - her hands lightly on his shoulders, she kissed him deeply and then gave him a gentle push. “Lie down.”

Her desire was plain to see and with her voice so sexy, Chakotay couldn’t refuse her and settled back on the pillow, his hands resting on his stomach and closed his eyes, feeling move Kathryn between his legs and her long fingers running along his calves and over his thighs. Trembling and tingling under her spell, he remained quiet. Pushing at his inner thigh, she beckoned him to spread his legs for her and he did. He couldn’t say no to this woman, his lover, his soulmate.

His breathing quickened because now he could feel her hot breath then her lips and finally her tongue make their way up to his groin, breathing, licking, kissing, and exciting him even more. Her fingers teased his coarse hairs as all her movements now centered on his aching erection. He kept his eyes closed and he hardened even more, feeling her long locks drape down over his groin, tickling him. The anticipation alone nearly pushed him over.

Kathryn’s tongue licked along his jerking erection, up and down and all over the seeping head as her fingers caressed him. He shuddered and gritted his teeth when her mouth finally slid over his member taking him all in, his hands tangled in her hair, holding her there as she sucked and her tongue swirled around him. Rocking his hips in time with her movements, he was near the edge and his heart pounded waiting for his release but it didn’t come.

Kathryn withdrew and smiled, watching his face. She’d pushed him to the brink, his eyes were closed and his breathing ragged, fighting for control. Not giving him a chance to settle back down, she kissed her way up his body, straddled his hips and sank down on his glorious length. It was her turn to gasp and whimper now. She couldn’t get enough of the feeling of having him buried inside her – his pulsating penis filled her completely and immediately she tightened around him. Her entire body ached with want and need. God, she thought, she was that close and they hadn’t even moved.

Bending down, she captured his mouth, forcing her tongue inside to kiss him passionately. “I love you,” she proclaimed and then sat back up. Her hands rested on his chest and began slowly, withdrawing almost completely and then plunging back down, clenching around him as she moved up his length.

Chakotay watched her breasts move up and down with her slow pace, his hand came up to squeeze her breasts and gently pinched her nipples until she was gasping and groaning his name.

As her pace increased, his hands move to her hips, rocking with her movements, going deeper and faster than she thought possible until they were both gasping with the effort. She slammed down on him, riding him harder and harder, faster and faster; her head tossed back. Both moaned, panted and groaned as they soared toward their release.

“Oh … Kathryn!” Chakotay grunted as his orgasm ripped through his body and exploded into her.

“God! Chakotay!” Kathryn followed him over, screeching his name and then collapsed down on him in a sweaty tangled heap, panting.

His strong arms wrapped around her, cuddling her, holding her, loving her, soothing her, until they both came down from the incredible high.

“Do that to me again, Kathryn.” Smiling and happy, he held her to his chest, his arms slowly feathering up and down her back.

Lifting her head off his shoulder, she beamed at him, recognizing the changing of her words slightly that started off this encounter. “Aye, Commander.” She kissed him deeply, feeling his stubble rub against her chin. It would cause her ‘pash rash’ as Phoebe would have said. Her sister hated it but Kathryn loved the rough stubble feeling, especially on other parts of her anatomy. “But only if you do something for me.”

There was twinkle in Kathryn’s eye and a smirk. He was in trouble but he didn’t care, he would do anything for her and he had a fair idea what she wanted by the way she caressed his cheek. “What’s that?”

“Don’t shave. At least not until you go back on duty.” Scraping her fingers over the prickly stubble, she enjoyed the tingly sensation. “I have designs on that stubble.”

“Do you?”

“Oh yes …” She dropped her head back down to his chest, kissing around his ear and nibbling his earlobe. She couldn’t even imagine the sensation of his chin rubbing her nipples.

“Really?”

“I’ll make it worth your while,” Kathryn almost begged, latching onto his neck, biting and sucking.

“Will you, Kathryn?”

“Hmmm …yes.” She sucked harder, marking his chest with a love bite.

“All right. If you insist.” Chakotay grinned, reveling in how responsive she was, how she wanted to please him, not afraid to tell him what she wanted and what turned her on. Clearly, a scrape of stubble over nipple or clit was something that she liked.

“I love you, Chakotay.” Another passionate kiss and Kathryn rolled off him but nestled into his shoulder. Chakotay's arms had felt so good around her, and she wasn't usually one to like the feeling of being protected, being cared for, but this just felt right.

So perfect and it felt like home. Home was in his arms wherever that was. Here on Voyager or on that planet, it wouldn’t have mattered. He was the only one that felt like home.

More content than ever before, they sighed and then drifted off to sleep.

The end.

All for believing by Missy Higgins

Pull back the shield between us, and I’ll kiss you,

Drop your defences and come, into my arms.

I’m all for believing, I’m all for believing.

I’m all for believing if you can reveal the true colours within.

I know you blanket your mind so much that I am blind, but I,

I see you’ve painted your soul into your guard,

I’m all for believing, I’m all for believing

I need to know just how you feel, to comfort you;

I need to find the key to let me in, into your heart, to find your soul.

Pull back the shield between us, and I’ll kiss you,

Drop your defences and come, into my arms.

I’m all for believing, if you can reveal, the true colours within,

And say you will be there for me to hold,

When the faith grows old and life turns cold,

When the faith grows old, and life turns cold.

So if you’re cold I will stay, maybe fate will guide the way.

I believe in what I see and baby we were meant to be,

Just believe. (we're meant to be)

Just believe. (we're meant to be)

Just believe. (we're meant to be)

Trust in me.